UPROXX Summer Guide: Stuff You Definitely Don’t Need But Probably Want Anyway

Pictured above is something I don’t need but can’t believe I’ve been living without: a mouse pad mounted on an arm rest.  How have I survived without this?  It costs $43 at a website I’ve never even heard of, but damned if I don’t want to suddenly give this website my credit card digits, address, and a promise of my first born.  This mouse pad is genius, and I wasn’t planning on having kids anyway.  And here are six more cool things we don’t need but want to trade in Future Child Points to obtain:

Australian designer Kain Lucas designed a cutting board that actually makes sense, in that it has four bowls inlaid into the board.  You slide chopped ingredients over into one of the bowls, then lift out what you need as you need it. The Bowlboard is $69 at YankoDesign.  So it’s more expensive than my current method of cutting things on a plate and dropping them on the floor, but maybe my method sucks. $69 is a small price to pay for not having to dig rotten diced ham out from under the refrigerator with a yardstick while wondering where my life went wrong.

Well, that last paragraph was depressing, so here’s something completely different: a coin purse that looks like a taco.  Yep.  That’s what that is.  Why does it exist?  Who cares?  Taco coin purse. $5 at Heliotrope.

Here’s another one of those “why didn’t we think of this” inventions: the Clean Bottle holds 1.5 pints, is made with non-toxic, BPA-free plastics, and, when you need to clean it, you just unscrew the bottom of the bottle, which is where the gunk in sports bottles usually forms and is hard to reach in regular bottles. It’s dishwasher safe and designed to fit in cup holders. One bottle costs $10 at REI, or, better yet, four-packs are currently on sale for $30 at CleanBottle.  10% of the profits go to great charities like Engineers Without Borders.

These cool-looking Arrow Magnetic Bookends cost $30 at the Neatoshop. The metal bookend is hidden inside the last book in the row, and the magnetic arrow appears to be floating beside the book.  Use a book with a low value; putting a bookend inside the pages long term can misshape the spine or crease the pages.

Want to simulate the joy of buying lint rollers by the case without breaking any local ordinances limiting the number of pets in a residential building?  Of course you do.  The Crazy Cat Lady Board Game costs $20 at ArchieMcPhee, and helps you simulate the cat lady experience without filling your freezer with deceased felines.  I see one big problem with this game, however. It only comes with fifty plastic cats for your cat lady to collect.  You’ll never get on a TLC show with only fifty. And you need at least 130 to get an extreme cat mosh pit started properly like this crazy cat lady in Russia with 136 cats.

This awesome cake was made with the Cakewich Sandwich Cake Mold from PerpetualKid.  It costs $23, which seems steep for a silicone cake mold, but, hey, giant sandwich made of cake.  Giant sandwich made of cake.  I rest my case.