It’s summer, and you know what that means! That’s right, it’s time to stay indoors, because everybody knows the sun will burn you, and play video games. Lots of video games. Here are ten titles we can’t wait to use as an excuse to avoid exercise.
Naughty Bear (June 29th, PS3 and 360)
In this game, you play a cuddly wuddly loveable bear covered in scars, with a perpetual scowl, and a machete. You’ve been slighted by all the other bears on Paradise Island, and they need to be taught a lesson in manners. A violent, fatal lesson. “Naughty Bear” is all about running around and stuffing adorable teddy bears into, say, combine threshing machines, or electrocuting them, or ripping their ankles off with bear traps and then blowing them away with a shotgun. In other words, it’s the cuddly version of “Manhunt”.
Persona 3 (July 6th, PSP)
The “Persona” series has proven to be an incredibly popular RPG franchise, and this brings the PS2 classic “Persona 3″ with some elements of “Person 3: FES” to the PSP, for on-the-go usage of thought constructs to fight evil. Also, now you can play as a girl.
Don’t look at us; they listed that as a feature.
Crackdown 2 (July 6th, 360)
Continue to be the worst cop/superhero ever as you cause massive property damage to get one agility orb in the latest incarnation of the popular third-person shooter/beat-em-up/police state simulator. We like to think of it as the Judge Dredd game we deserved by never got. And it looks like this time you get more armor, which would have been a lot handier in the first go-round. See more and purchase at Game Center
Puzzle Quest 2 (Summer, Nintendo DS)
The original “Puzzle Quest” turned out to be a surprisingly addictive mix of “Bejeweled”-type gameplay and fantasy RPG elements. This time around, it’s only hitting the DS, but that’s really all it needs to hit to create incredible gameplay. You might want to arrange for an addiction counselor before you start playing. We’re just sayin’.
StarCraft II (July 27th, PC and Mac)
The sequel to the game that has killed more Koreans than Kim Jong Il comes out July 27th. Do we really need to say anything else? You’re already buying this.
Madden ’11 (August 10th, Wii, PS3, 360, PSP, PS2)
Madden ’11 comes out August 10th, so now you know when the servers for the last iteration of this seemingly endless franchise will be shut off due to “the economy.” EA, you are fooling precisely nobody. See more and purchase at Game Center
City of Heroes: Going Rogue (August 17th, PC and Mac)
Everybody’s second-favorite MMO comes back with a new expansion pack. And like any good comic book, it features an alternate universe and changes of allegiance, not to mention new powersets. Burn off the last two weeks of summer with heroes, instead of your aunt.
Dead Rising 2 (August 31st, PS3 and 360)
Your first mission is to destroy your walkie-talkie, and then find and kill the guy who keeps interrupting your struggle for survival with stupid side quests. Aside from that, this one features the roll of tape, which allows you to combine items to create zombie death machines. Use your creativity and imagination to create weapons of destruction! Now if only we can stop those damn zombie respawns…
Metroid: Other M (August 31st, Wii)
Let’s see here: beloved franchise plus insane dev team that cranked out some of the hardest games on a modern console equals…well, we’re not sure what it equals, but this is one of the few Wii games we’re excited for, and we can’t wait to find out what Team Ninja has in store for us. And maybe eventually Nintendo will put out another 2D sidescrolling Metroid. Some day. >SIGH<
Monkey Island 2 (Summer, 360 Arcade)
And finally, we’ve got one of the funniest point-and-click adventure games ever written coming in a brand-spanking new revamp from LucasArts. If you’ve never played “Monkey Island”, seriously, you’re missing out; it’s hilarious. This game features the vengeance of one Pirate LeChuck, who you disposed of in the first game in about the most humiliating fashion possible AND got the girl he’d kidnapped. Get ready to throw more insults, combine items in a goofy fashion, and generally show that Guybrush Threepwood is more competent than he looks. Or acts.