(”Take me, you greasy ethnic beast!  Of course, if anyone finds out I’ll have to say it was rape.”) Did anyone here think Twilight Saga: New Moon was going to be good?  Of course not.  The best thing you could say was that there’s less Cam Gigandet in this one.  But realistic expectations aren’t the point, the...

“Alright men! We’ve got a good little gadget here for the goalline. Garrett, you’re gonna fake the handoff to the tailback, then toss the ball over your head like a big sissy. Joel, when everyone else is playing the run, you’re gonna catch that big Nancy pass and squeeze that with all your might. Hold onto it like...

After Joss Whedon posted on Whedonesque a couple weeks ago that he wanted to buy the up-for-grabs Terminator franchise, you might think he’d be the Whedon writing an upcoming Dark Horse Terminator miniseries. But, nope, it’s younger brother Zack Whedon, who’s got the gig. If you’re not familiar with the littlest Whedon,...

THIS FACKIN GREEK FAKE-HISPANIC BITCH IS RAWPONSIBLE FAH ALL OW-AH SAWFFERING! That’s right, everybody. Put down all the statistical analyses proving that Belichick did actually make the correct decision by trying to convert the 4th and 2. Turns out, the Patriots were fated to lose anyway, because Access Hollywood host and Boston native...

When Conan O’Brien finally took the reigns of “The Tonight Show” this spring, many longtime fans couldn’t help but notice that he seemed uncomfortable toning down the gleefully unhinged humor that made his “Late Night” such a success. Gone were the joys of the Masturbating Bear and Vomiting Kermit the Frog and...

After the jump, I’ve got the trailer for Bitch Slap, but to be honest, I’m giving you the best parts with these screencaps.  It seems to be a movie about tits, but apparently these tits went to college and got all uppity or something (that’s why I only date dropouts). BITCH SLAP is a post-modern, thinking man’s throwback to...

Two things I hate to see: Irishmen getting upset and the French getting something they didn’t earn. Yesterday in World Cup qualifying, both events occured. With France playing Ireland for the right to advance to the world cup, the whole thing went to pot in the 105th minute. In extra time, the French scored a crucial goal that sent them on...

“Modern Family” star Sofia Vergara went on “The View,” where the weirdos and old bats expressed amazement that the 37-year-old could be so scorchingly hot (my words, not theirs) and still have an 18-year-old son. But people have gotten their knickers in a twist about this exchange in which Vergara made a casual joke about...

NatGeo recently reported that the ice-covered oceans of Europa contain 100 times more oxygen than prior models predicted, meaning the satellite can sustain more complex life-forms than previously thought: That amount of oxygen would be enough to support more than just microscopic life-forms: At least three million tons of fishlike creatures could...

After releasing a couple separate posters last week, Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland marketing team has now combined them all into one glorious triptych — click the picture above a couple times and it’ll get bigger, like your sister’s clit (too far?).  It opens March 5th, and as far as Tim Burton joints go, I’m...

I cry for this couple’s future children. Hell, I weep for all of us. Thank goodness we’re all gonna be wiped clean from the Earth in 2012. Because, really, once you see a bald, schlubby white groom do the spastic Ray Lewis “dance” to greet friends and family with his Flacco jersey adorned bride at their wedding reception,...

Greetings, folks.  If you’re regular FilmDrunk reader, you’ve probably seen the name “Robopanda” on occasion.  He’s been feeding me tips and filling in when I go off the wagon on vacation pretty much since the beginning.  Uproxx thought, “Hey, why not give him his own site?”  And then we all beat each...

Jay-Z’s, “Empire State Of Mind,” has become his first single to becoming number 1 on Billboard’s Hot 100 (Source). In others news 50 Cent’s new album has early first week estimates at 150k(Source). 50 Cent’s album was on sale digitally November 9th and in stores November 16th, both weeks will be added to the...

Via scifisquad: Will Arnett is attached to star in a sci-fi romantic comedy [Ed.- that's a genre now?] for Fox. “Space Invader” is a new script from Justin Theroux (Tropic Thunder, upcoming Iron Man 2) that finds Arnett as an astronaut who goes into space with the sole purpose of confronting another astronaut who he suspects is...

(INVIZIBL SUB SANDWICH) Many critics are already calling New Moon the giant wolfyest of the Twilight franchise, but director Chris Weitz (who, incidentally, is John Huston’s grandson) recently told MovieMaker Magazine that his next project will be his last.  Surprisingly, it wasn’t the banshee wail of irrational teenage girls that...

Since I took over the blog in February, I’ve been trying to come up with a fun way to signal the end of the posting day. Something that would jump out and say, “Okay, douchebags. Time to go outside and engage the rest of the world.” Something bloggy, but not necessarily sports-related. And then I saw this video. It’s a duo...