In online games, players trade narrative depth for the company of other human beings, brought to them by the scratchy magic of teamspeak. In many cases this is a good trade-off, and players get good company while going on their psychotic murder-sprees. There are, however, a certain subset of online gamers who leave them longing for single player and a way of bludgeoning people to death through the internet. The worst of these unfortunate individuals are listed below, for your convenience.
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Across the centuries, many things have been predicted to end the world. Volcanoes. The biblical rapture. Asteroid impacts. Gay marriage. A few of them almost did.
Recently, the popular bogeyman has been technology (mainly in the form of nuclear war or zombies, because let’s face it, this is pop culture we’re discussing). So far, such threats have mostly failed to materialize. Following in this proud tradition of fear-mongering and sensationalism, we bring you seven technologies that frankly scare the hell out of us.
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According to a recent study, sixty three percent of the US population plays video-games. Despite this being several times greater than the percentage of the population that reads for fun, there’s still a huge negative stigma attached to the hobby. Media freak-outs aside, there’s a strong negative connotation attached to gamers as horrifying monstrosities of pent up violence and poor social skills, one funny look away from a school shooting.
Let’s get one thing clear: the gaming industry is, in many ways, wonderful. It produces some great products that provide many gamers with hours of entertainment and eventual heart failure. The industry, however, has some bad habits that make Hollywood look like a church choir. Here are the worst things about it: Read the rest of this entry »
Computers are one of the least intuitive and most poorly understood technologies to enter into wide use, second only to the microwave. They are implacable beige monoliths to the dark god of the transistor.
Oh, you can use them, but if something goes wrong you are entirely helpless to fix it. You know who you are. You’ve never opened the case. It could run on fairydust and wishes for all you know. The Best Buy guy sold you eighty dollar speaker cables to ‘keep the technobytes from running out’ and you believed him.
The trouble with this state of affairs is that, if you want a new computer, you have to go with what’s available, and believe the salesman when he tells you what you need. We both know that that guy would sell his own mother into slavery for a soggy dollar bill. So how do you avoid this? Build your own. You’ll save money, you’ll be able to get exactly what you need, and when it does break you’ll be able to fix it. Here’s how: Read the rest of this entry »
Science has given us many wonderful things: Jet aircraft, fast food, atomic power, robotic limbs, and internet pornography. There is, however, one thing that science will never conquer. From the oldest proto-human to modern man, there has been nothing but cold, senseless oblivion to look forward to at the end of our eighty years. Death will always remain a part of human existence. Nah, just kidding! Science is going to kick death’s ass. Here’s how: Read the rest of this entry »
A LAN party is an event in which a number of geeks (for example: you) gather up their beloved computers, consoles, dangerous beverages, and favorite tabletop games, and get together for a good old-fashioned evening of unadulterated geekery.
Some LAN parties are thrown professionally, for a profit. These are fun, but sometimes you just want to have a few friends over, break out the redbull, and play some Counter-strike source late into the morning. So, you want to throw your own LAN party? Here are a few tips that’ll make it easier:
Everyone has a hobby. Some people collect stamps, some people watch birds, some people dismember young women and make clothing out of their body parts. The trouble is, they all sound the same when they talk about it. You see, hobbies breed disproportionate obsession, especially among detail-oriented people. You find some small, interesting thing, and immerse yourself in it, zooming into it until every detail has great personal import – and that’s not a bad thing. Nearly everyone does it, in some form or another. It does, however, tend to make you look kind of (very) crazy when you try to talk about it. And not just ‘he’s a little odd’ crazy. We’re talking ‘human skulls hanging from the roof, bathing in the blood of virgin’ crazy. So, say you’re at a nice house party with a few friends, and you’d like to introduce them to your new hobby. How do you do it without sounding like Jeffery Dahmer?
A few times a year, basement doors creak open and the geeks emerge into the sunlight, smelling of potato chips and shame, to congregate in some unsuspecting city. They wear garish costumes, speak in strange tongues, and spend a few days indulging in bizarre ritual acts. Heghlu’meh QaQ jajvam!
This is known more commonly as a ‘convention,’ and there’s one for everything. You like videogames? There’s a con for that. Like robots? There’s a con for that. Like science fiction? Like to dress up like an animal? You get the idea. From comic-con to E3 to dragon-con to SXSW, there’s something for everyone.
