They call him “Macho Man” Randy Savage. It’s a name that strikes with everyone: all the guys want to be him and all the girls want to be with him. The mere sight or mention of his name should excite you in ways that are both confusing and profound and the only reason it wouldn’t is because you’re either deaf, blind or a deaf and blind corpse.

But how does one ascend to the level of Macho Man? According to popular urban legend, one must slay Randy Savage in armed combat. But until someone is foolish enough to charge him with a weapon and prove this theory once and for all, please feel free to consult this guide on how you can best be “Macho Man” Randy Savage without having to put yourself at risk of being snapped into like so many Slim Jims.

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