Harry Styles, seen in cardboard form in the arms of Miley Cyrus.

Harry Styles, seen in cardboard form in the arms of Miley Cyrus.

Back in February, One Direction fans around the world held their collective breath when a random fan threw a shoe at the stage during the boy band’s performance in Glasgow, and striking Harry Styles right in the bangers and mash. But as people wondered if the leader of One Direction would ever get another One Erection (trademarked joke) the girl responsible for this hilarious, I mean heinous act came forward and apologized, claiming: “I just wanted him to touch something belonging to me.”

And thus, the future of the world grew even dimmer than we believed it could.

We’ve made no secret of our love for Jay Jackson’s Perd Hapley character on NBC’s Parks and Rec, from wearing out this video of his best moments to Danger Guerrero and I finishing second in NBC’s t-shirt contest with our “I’m Perd Hapley and this is a shirt” design. Honestly, the fact that we didn’t win by a landslide was an outright shame, and I’m not ruling out investigating it as an actual false flag operation.

But if there’s ever a question as to how Jackson plays the ridiculous Hapley so well, we may have an answer, thanks to one Tumblr user’s interesting observation of Jackson’s IMDB page.

Since Saturday Night Live was a rerun again last night, we don’t have a recap to dissect and throw figurative poop at today, but thanks to my morning snoopery, I came across this interesting Plum TV interview with Mary-Ellen Matthews from 2011. Matthews has been the show’s photographer since 1999, and she’s the person responsible for the show’s iconic celebrity host photographs that take us to and welcome us back from commercial breaks, like the image of Louis CK that you can see above.

Late Show with David Letterman producer Eric Stangel was hanging around a Nike Outlet store yesterday, when he noticed a shirt that may not have turned any heads prior to this week. But as you can see above, the shirt in question reads “Boston Massacre”, a reference to the infamous 1770 attack led by British soldiers against civilians, except this time it means baseball, because GRRRRRRRR POWER HITTERS AND GRAND SLAMS!

I’m not much of a fan of cable news or sports debate shows, but if anyone ever offered to pay me to debate which Muppets are the greatest, I’d be louder and more flamboyant than 10 Skip Baylesses. That said, I don’t know if I’d put the Swedish Chef at the top of my Muppets rankings, but he’d probably be somewhere in the Top 10. My Top 3 would probably be Statler and Waldorf, Beaker and Animal, but that’s just off the top of my head. It would take me thousands of hours and hundreds of Carl’s Jr. Pop-Tart Ice Cream Sandwiches to determine my actual list.

One of the things that is so wonderful about the Internet, aside from Alison Brie GIFs and pictures of koala bears dressed like people, is the random discoveries of otherwise lost music. For instance, there was the self-proclaimed “lazy guy” who had that near-perfect record store recording of a Rage Against the Machine performance from 21 years ago, and today we’ve got a recording of Bob Dylan performing Bruce Springsteen’s “Dancing in the Dark” from a 1990 concert at Toad’s Place in New Haven, Connecticut.

Yesterday, as so many of us asked the people of Boston and especially those at Fenway Park for an encore of that incredible National Anthem from Wednesday night, the Boston Red Sox and the 35,152 fans in attendance delivered above and beyond. Not only did the Sox win 4-3 thanks to a 3-run home run by Daniel Nava, and not only did they have a pre-game tribute that still has my geese bumped, and not only did they belt out another powerful rendition of the Star-Spangled Banner, but David Ortiz also took the microphone before the game began to issue a very strong statement to everyone watching – “This is our f*cking city.”

In news from the “I can’t believe a company hasn’t done this already” file, it seems that a Carl’s Jr restaurant in Newport Beach, California is conducting a test run for the newest hybrid food item – a Strawberry Pop-Tart Ice Cream Sandwich. That noise in the distance? That’s a billion dentists purchasing yachts filled with diamonds.