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As you may have noticed by glancing at every post on every single website on the Internet over the past week or so, people are a little excited about the new season of Arrested Development. And with Netflix dropping all 15 episodes this Sunday at 12:01 AM, on a holiday weekend, there’s going to be a lot of temptation and pressure to take all of that content and shove it into your eyes as fast as you can. But series creator Mitch Hurwitz thinks it would be better if you, like, didn’t do that.
This is one of the stupidest stories I’ve ever covered, but it’s not every day a prominent group of fuddy-duddies calls for the revolution of the entire cable industry because a pop star drank her own pee, so you know, here we are I suppose.
In a letter to supporters Tuesday, the PTC warned against watching Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life and its “disgusting, vile content.” It also called on cable providers to allow subscribers the option of choosing which channels they receive.
“Why should we have to pay for this kind of garbage just so we can get access to Discovery, Disney, or the Golf channel? It’s outrageous — and it shouldn’t be that way,” reads the letter. [Billboard]
Two things about this blockquote:
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The Mona Lisa. The ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. Other things created by famous artists who would later share their names with Ninja Turtles. Paintings by legends like Van Gogh, Picasso, Monet, Cezanne, Renoir, and O’Keefe. Sculptures by Rodin.
Garbage. All of them.
You see, earlier this afternoon the official Twitter account for TNT’s Franklin & Bash tweeted out this fan-made LEGO version of Jared Franklin (Breckin Meyer) and Peter Bash (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) chilling at the beach, based on the footage in the first commercial for the show’s third season, and after looking at it for the last 10-15 minutes, I feel extremely confident when I say that the art world is about to be turned upside-down. Grab the prints off your walls and throw them in a dumpster. Burn down the museums and all the obsolete, glorified finger-painting they contain. Dig up the heroes of the past and spit on them.
A new Renaissance is starting. Nothing will ever be the same.
Contrary to popular belief, Russia is not all insane dash-cam footage and commercials featuring scuba diving dogs. It is a large, complex nation, and like all large, complex nations, it is capable of being many things at one time. For example, it is also a place where a soldier has a bullet removed from his forehead using only a pair of standard pliers, then turns and smiles for the camera that his buddies are using to film him getting a bullet removed from his forehead using only a pair of pliers.
To recap: Dude gets shot in the face. Bullet lodges between his eyes. Someone — possibly the dude himself — suggests removing said bullet using pliers instead of seeking medical attention. Everyone agrees on this course of action. Another dude says “Holdonholdholdon. Lemme record this.” The bullet is removed, again, using standard pliers that do not appear to have been sterilized in any way. Dude who previously had bullet lodged in face turns to camera and smiles.
Russia goes hard.
ABC has announced the host, celebrity contestants, and judges for its new summer competition series Sing Your Face Off. Please peruse the names on the list, then meet me after the blockquote for a brief discussion.
Actor John Barrowman (Torchwood, Arrow) will host the show, where five celebrity contestants take on the identity of an iconic music performer each week.
The judges are former Saturday Night Live cast member Darrell Hammond and pop singer Debbie Gibson.
And the show’s contestants learning to perform the hits of famous music stars are ex-Skid Row frontman and heavy metal singer Sebastian Bach, comedian Jon Lovitz, Toronto Raptors player Landry Fields, teenage Disney Channel actress-singer China Anne McClain and former soap star Lisa Rinna. [EW]
Okay, ABC. I have to ask. What the hell are you doing?
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There’s not much that can be said about the situation in Oklahoma that hasn’t already been said. It’s awful, and terrifying, and, in all likelihood, it’s only going to get worse in the next few days as we find out more about the extent of the destruction. So when a little sunshine breaks through that mess of black, nasty-looking clouds, it’s probably best if we all take a second to be thankful for it.
And that’s what this video is: a tiny ray of sunshine. During a live interview with CBS News, Oklahoma tornado survivor Barbara Garcia found her missing dog, who she had been holding in the bathroom of her house when the storm started, when the dog started crawling out from under the wreckage.
The short YouTube clip and full CBS video are after the jump. If you can get through both of them without tearing up, you’re probably a robot.
HBO has released the first teaser trailer for its upcoming movie Clear History, which stars Larry David, Jon Hamm, Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Amy Ryan, Eva Mendes, and a bunch of other famous people, and is being executive produced by David and director Greg Mottola (Superbad, Adventureland). Larry David looks super-weird. Here’s the description of the movie:
After losing a fortune due to a petty argument with his boss, Nathan Flomm (David), a former marketing executive at a start-up electric car company, is publicly humiliated for walking away from his 10% of a company now worth billions.
Ten years later with his marriage over and reputation ruined, Nathan has changed his identity and lives a simple life on a small island off the coast of Massachusetts under the new name of Rolly DaVore. But when his former boss shows up to renovate his summer mansion, Nathan vows to seek his revenge and drive his nemesis off the island. [Variety]
I’m a firm believer in giving successful people with proven track records the benefit of the doubt, and the people I listed in the first paragraph definitely fall into that category. Could this end up being a flaming pile of doo-doo that people I like and respect stick their shovels in and fling at my face for two straight hours? Well, yeah. That’s always a possibility. But based on nothing but the credits, summary, and a 30 second clip of Larry David looking like a hippie while driving around in a convertible, I see no reason why I shouldn’t be on board at this point.
Please do not fling flaming poop at my face.
Between the terrific first season of his Comedy Central show, Nathan for You (which I will continue mentioning until all of you break down and watch it), the plane stunt that the network wouldn’t let him do, and his diabolical Twitter pranks, Nathan Fielder has basically become my favorite person. So when someone tipped me off that a ton of his old clips from the television series This Hour Has 22 Minutes — sort of a Canadian version of The Daily Show — were on YouTube, I blocked out the next hour and pounded straight through them. I assure you, they do not disappoint.
BUT.
The YouTube channel for This Hour Has 22 Minutes has restricted all the videos so they can’t be embedded, which means I can only post the one clip Fielder uploaded to his own channel, where he goes shopping for an mp3 player. This is infuriating. You can find the full playlist here, and you should definitely watch all the clips because they are hilarious (my favorite is probably the lie detector one, but then again, I’m a sucker for lie detector-related comedy), but when you’re done you should also cut the letters “T-H-I-S I-S H-O-R-S-E-S-H-I-T” out of a magazine, paste them to a piece of paper, and mail the whole thing to Canada. They’ll know what you’re talking about.
Okay. So. A few things.
1) Earlier this morning we received an email in the UPROXX tips account with the subject line “The world’s first stop motion commercial with real dogs!” No one in the history of computers has clicked on anything as fast as I clicked on that email. As fast? Maybe. But not faster.
2) It got even better once I opened the email, which turned out to be a promotional blast from someone associated with the production. Here is the first paragraph:
The video is taken for Russian mobile operator Beeline and talks about how to recharge your phone account directly from your phone. But what’s the trick? (Rus. aphorism: Where is the dog buried?) How to recharge your phone account directly from your phone? The instruction and the flying dog are in the video.
“The instruction and flying dog are in the video.” You now have my complete, undivided attention, Russian PR email.
