8. Sea Monk

What it was: An animal found off the coast of Denmark that apparently looked like Aquaman’s unholy cousin.

The Sea Messiah

Since this occurred in 1546 back when just about everything had to be Christian, the Sea Monk’s non-denominational, real life equivalence is either a misidentified squid…

Or one of several animals, including seals, angel sharks, or a little something called Jenny Haniver, which is a dry sting ray shaped to look like a devil.  If you put it back into the water, well… let’s just say it looks crazy enough on dry land that if you ever saw one floating toward you, we wouldn’t hold it against you if you blew the monster whistle. Read the rest of this entry »

9. “Young Man in Coffee Shop”, Meet Joe Black

How he dies: After bonding with Claire Forlani in a coffee shop, this beautiful, unnamed Aryan pretty-boy gets owned by two cars driving in opposite directions.

Wait for it…

Why it’s hilarious: You get to see a pre-Fight Club get the ever-loving sh-t clobbered out of him in a three-hour romantic drama that’s awful by three-hour romantic drama standards.

So worth admission.

Read the rest of this entry »