So tonight I was at home, fiddling around in my kitchen, making a little dinner, gearing up to watch the NBA playoffs tonight — then I check Twitter and see that people in my timeline were chattering about Donald Glover, saying things like, “Is Childish Gambino about to commit suicide?” So I checked out his feed and discovered that he’d posted what clocks in as a nearly 800 word rant in a series of tweets. At the end he directs people to his website for a free song download.

Now, I’ve read the whole thing twice and still don’t know what exactly to make of it — it seems to me that he’s a little sensitive (emo, perhaps?) and his a$s is chapped a bit by criticism of his music. Anyway, I copied and pasted the entire unedited rant below. If you can make better sense of it, please feel free to share your insights in the comments.

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Well it looks as though avant-garde Twitter comedian Chuck Grassley — a Republican senator from Iowa — is broadening his social media horizons: Mashable reports that he’s joined Vyou, the site that lets users broadcast post videos responding to questions sent in by random people on the internet.

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One of my favorite things about this time of year are the commencement addresses delivered to graduating students at colleges and universities across that country that pop up on YouTube. I enjoy watching/listening/reading these speeches because I think they’re often filled with wisdom and inspiration that we all can take from them.

At some point in the coming days there will probably be an UPROXX post featuring what we think are the best ones, but some are so outstanding that they deserve their own post, like the one Aaron Sorkin delivered at Syracuse University last weekend, my favorite line from which is this…

“Develop your own compass, and trust it. Take risks, dare to fail, remember the first person through the wall always gets hurt.”

Yes, the soon-to-be-shamer of Ashton Kutcher is spot-on. Video and full transcript of his speech are below. Enjoy…

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Quick…what the worst idea you’ve ever heard? Forcing readers of your website to “like” stuff on Facebook in order to read it? Yes, that’s a truly horrific idea, surely, but I’m not sure it’s the worst. Casting Ashton Kutcher to play Steve Jobs in a biopic? Equally appalling in its awfulness.

However, all of those bad ideas have been officially superseded by Virgin Atlantic’s bright idea to open the floodgates to people being able to yap on their cellphones on commercial flights.

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Overheard recently inside of a GQ editorial meeting…

“So Justin Bieber’s people are going to grant us access to him for a piece. Who should we send to Los Angeles to do the profile?”

“How about that funny guy from the internet who cusses a lot?”

“You mean noted web vulgarian Drew Magary?”

“Yeah, that guy!”

“Brilliant!”

And so it came to pass that our pal Drew was dispatched to hang with the Biebs on a mission to put some hair on his taut little nutsack.

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I was ready to call it a day, but then a friend sent me this, and I just have to post it: Willie Nelson, along with his sons Lukas and Micah, covering Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe. I didn’t realize this, but Willie apparently has a show on Sirius/XM (Ch. 56) called Willie’s Roadhouse (Ch. 56) where you can hear him play songs. This cover was recorded during one of those sessions.

Enjoy…

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Look, I don’t know Mark Zuckerberg, but I’m pretty sure he’s a relatively smart guy. Yes, he and I have had our moments and I’ve questioned some of his moves as King of Facebook (who hasn’t?), but I’m pretty sure the guy is savvy enough to know that it might be a good idea to get a prenup if and when he ever gets married.

Still, vile gasbag Donald Trump — always desperate to stay “relevant” and in the news — is running around today warning Zuck lawyer up and get a solid prenup (the same thing he’s been hilariously advising college students to do), I guess because that whole birther thing didn’t have legs. (BTW, I should add that I take no issue with this advice…a prenup is a must if you have a lot to lose…it’s just hilarious that Trump’s going around spouting off about it unsolicited.)

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Sayeth Jay-Z:

“I’ve always thought it as something that was still holding the country back. What people do in their own homes is their business. You choose to love whoever you love. It’s no different than discriminating against blacks. It’s discrimination plain and simple…It’s not really about votes. It’s about people. Whether it costs (Obama) votes or not, it’s the right thing to do, as a human being.”

Sayeth Manny Pacquiao:

“If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads…God only expects man and woman to be together and to be legally married, only if they so are in love with each other…It should not be of the same sex so as to adulterate the altar of matrimony, like in the days of Sodom and Gomorrah of Old.”

And here I thought there was no way in hell I could ever possibly pull for Justin Bieber sidekick Floyd Mayweather if he and Pacquiao ever fought.

If you follow politics at all, you know that Mitt Romney has professed to liking a lot of things on the campaign trail, stuff like trees, lakes, grits and firing people.

And to help us all keep track of all of the things Mitt likes, the New York Times (DANG LIBRUL MEDIA!) apparently commissioned the Gregory Brothers — the guys famous on the internet for their glorious autotuning of the news — to splice all the soundbites together into a song, and it’s pretty great. (I mean, how could it not be — Romney’s robotic delivery makes him the perfect candidate for autotuning.) Enjoy…

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