Imagine if you were given a speaking role in the series finale of your favorite show, a show you’ve spent years obsessing over and evangelizing for. Wouldn’t that be, well, f*cking cool? Of course it would. It’d be the goddamn coolest! I’d given at least a pinky to have been merely an extra in the diner scene in the last episode of The Sopranos. A PINKY!

Well, that’s exactly what happened to Jennie Tan who runs OfficeTally, a The Office fan site, minus the appendage sacrifice, that is. She emailed show creator Greg Daniels and asked if she could be an extra in the finale that aired last night.

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In what can only be interpreted as a selfless move to help a weary nation recover from the horror of the Kanye/Kim Kardashian pregnancy, Jay-Z and Beyonce are going to have another baby, in the process showing us that some celebrity couples can procreate with style and grace, seemingly immune from internet mockery.

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As you may have heard, Gawker EIC John Cook reported last night that he had recently been shown a video of eccentric Toronto mayor Rob Ford smoking crack. This is hilarious for a number of reasons, but mainly because it gives us all even more opportunities to make dumb Canada jokes.

ANYWAY, the Taiwanese animation people have wasted no time immortalizing this story, and the result is pretty great. Enjoy!

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Man, Hugo Chavez dies and the whole country goes to sh*t…and there’s not much toilet paper left to clean up the mess.

First milk, butter, coffee and cornmeal ran short. Now Venezuela is running out of the most basic of necessities — toilet paper.

Blaming political opponents for the shortfall, as it does for other shortages, the embattled socialist government says it will import 50 million rolls to boost supplies.

That was little comfort to consumers struggling to find toilet paper on Wednesday.

“This is the last straw,” said Manuel Fagundes, a shopper hunting for tissue in downtown Caracas. “I’m 71 years old and this is the first time I’ve seen this.”

One supermarket visited by The Associated Press in the capital on Wednesday was out of toilet paper. Another had just received a fresh batch, and it quickly filled up with shoppers as the word spread.

“I’ve been looking for it for two weeks,” said Cristina Ramos. “I was told that they had some here and now I’m in line.”

Okay, people of Venezuela, as someone who is notoriously bad about forgetting to get toilet paper at the store when he’s out, allow me to share a few tips with you.

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FYI, UPROXX family member Drew Magary isn’t the only one with a new book out today. No, porcupine-domed culinary terrorist Guy Fieri has a random collection of words out today, and it appears to be every bit as terrible as walking in on your girlfriend as she’s being drilled balls deep by Glenn Beck.

Thankfully, we didn’t have to read it to figure this out, but some poor schmuck at Flavorwire did. Here’s a sampling of the crap-flower prose you can find in Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives: The Funky Finds in Flavortown…

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Drew Magary is the author of Someone Could Get Hurt: A Memoir of Twenty-First-Century Parenthood. Previously, Drew was one of the co-founders of Kissing Suzy Kolber, and for that he’ll always be part of the UPROXX family. A noted vulgarian, Drew also writes for Deadspin, Gawker and GQ and has written two other books previously: The Postmortal and Men With Balls: The Professional Athlete’s Handbook. You can read an excerpt from Someone Could Get Hurt over at Longreads.

Drew was nice enough to take a few minutes out of his busy schedule recently to answer a few of our questions.

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Perhaps you’ve heard that Esquire magazine is launching a television network, because, in the words of an executive at the network, “much of today’s programming targets men in a one-dimensional way” with nothing but shows about “tattoos or pawn shops or storage lockers or axes or hillbillies.” Well that’s not the only magazine seeking to get in on this hot new “TV” trend!

Yes, the totally not fake Crush magazine — “the hippest magazine for teens” — is planning to throw their pink fedora into the ring by launching Crush TV, “a television network geared toward the Millennials.” Here’s an inside look into a Crush TV creative meeting, and it’s pretty much exactly what you’d expect.

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Introducing Brassft Punk, an outfit created to do brass band covers of Daft Punk songs, because why not? It’s the brainchild of a New Orleans man (naturally) named Earl Scioneaux III, aka “Madd Wikkid.”

Reports Spin:

Brassft Punk is digital love turned analog, a project that reimagines Daft Punk’s greatest hits as rollicking numbers for blatting New Orleans brass. The project — the brainchild of Earl Scioneaux III, the recording engineer for the legendary traditionalists Preservation Hall Jazz Band — started as a modest side hustle funded by Kickstarter, but soon became a full-scale phenomenon when the group released a record with Chicago’s pioneering Trax Records. To keep pace with the sudden popularity, Scioneaux has developed a frenetic live show that blends electronic and acoustic improvisation. On May 18, Brassft Punk will take their biggest stage yet with their early slot at Alabama’s Hangout Music Fest.

The remixes are below. Enjoy.

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