The Cajun Boy Brett Michael Dykes, aka "Cajun Boy," is the Editor-in-Chief of Uproxx and a New York Times contributor. Previously, he was a national affairs reporter for Yahoo! News and a writer/editor at Gawker. Brett has also written for Gourmet Live, Deadspin, Esquire, Animal New York, Yahoo! Sports, Complex, Gambit and Dealbreaker, among others. His hobbies include obsessing over sports, politics, food and culture, taking long, hot baths, and hanging with his dog, Sazerac. Email him at: brett at uproxx dot com. Follow him on Twitter at @thecajunboy.
A lot of people think that if you want to get back at an ex the best thing to do is to bang their best friend. This is wrong. The best thing to do — if you want to unleash an avalanche of crushing sadness upon them — is to kidnap them and force them to watch Jay Leno monologues on a loop for days. No one who truly knows evil in their heart denies this.
As a thesis, if you will, of how effective Leno is at making people sad, we present to you a supercut by Dane Boaz of Leno making people sad. We rest our case.
Mally the Monkey was seized by German customs March 28 when Bieber failed to produce required vaccination and import papers for the animal after landing in Munich. He had until midnight Friday to produce those documents. Customs spokesman Thomas Meister said after offices opened following a holiday weekend that officials received no documents. He said the customs authority will formally transfer ownership of the animal to the German state on Tuesday.
Bieber will then have six weeks to contest the decision. It wasn’t immediately clear when authorities will make a decision on the monkey’s permanent home.
Now Bieber and Anne Frank really have some stuff in common: both victims of German aggression. She totally would have been a Belieber!
Back in my day, a man who accidentally tweeted out a pic of his dong to a woman who wasn’t his wife was committing political suicide. But here we are, less than two years after Anthony Weiner resigned from his seat in Congress in disgrace, and here he is announcing that he’s running for mayor of New York. (This on the heels of former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford running for Congress just a few short years after literally disappearing in office and taking taxpayer funded trips to Argentina to visit his mistress.)
So yeah, Anthony Weiner is running to be mayor of New York City AND His hot wife Huma even makes an appearance in the video. And you know what…his message does resonate! NYC’s middle class is disappearing and it’s becoming a city for rich people exclusively. But, yeah, PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS PENIS!!!
“Look, I made some big mistakes. And I know I let a lot of people down,” Weiner says in the video. “But I’ve also learned some tough lessons. I’m running for mayor ‘cuz I’ve been fighting for the middle class and those struggling to make it my entire life. And I hope I get a second chance to work for you.”
I’m both dreading and looking forward to the penis pun-y headlines in the New York Post for months to come.
So today Apple CEO Tim Cook appeared before a Senate panel to talk about that whole tax thing people have been talking about, and Sen. John McCain, man of the people, asked Cook a question we’d all probably like to ask him.
“Why the hell do I have to keep updating apps on my iPhone all the time?”
Meanwhile, how great would it have been if Cook had replied by asking, “Why the hell did you pick Sarah Palin to be your running mate?!” Pretty great, I think!
“I was deeply saddened to hear about the passing of my friend and bandmate Ray Manzarek today,” Doors guitarist Robby Krieger said in a statement. “I’m just glad to have been able to have played Doors songs with him for the last decade. Ray was a huge part of my life and I will always miss him.”
David Call is an actor probably best known for his portrayal of Nick Lane on the Fox sci-fi series Fringe. Additionally, David played Ben Donovan on Gossip Girl and Connor Gavin on FX’s Rescue Me. He can currently be seen on big screens across the land starring in Dead Man’s Burden, a Western about a struggling couple living in New Mexico in 1870.
David was nice enough to take a few minutes out of his busy schedule recently to answer a few of our questions.
In the clip, veteran reporter Lance West is on the phone with two studio anchors describing what he’s seeing as he tours the area post-tornado. Then, he happens upon the bodies of third grade children being pulled from the rubble of a school building and just loses it. You may want to have some tissues handy before you watch/listen to this.
There are a number of reasons to post this new video for “Go Loko” from New Orleans bounce artist Nicky Da B — most recently seen around these parts collaborating with Diplo — but I think the number one reason is because it probably contains more ass per second than any music video in modern history.
![[image]](http://www.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/400/265/2013/05/Screen-shot-2013-05-22-at-7.58.22-AM.png)
