Back in March, we started browsing the web for the absolute worst in Twitter.

Twitter caters perfectly to self-absorption: it’s easy to use, can be updated via text, and it’s trendy among hipsters. And boy, was there ever some self-absorption.

And so, today, we present the Golden Ladder to the biggest ego case on Twitter, so they can get over themselves. But first, our runners-up:
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A lot of people have discovered that the whining about Netflix was just getting started — The Oatmeal sums up how a lot of people feel about Netflix splitting off its DVD service into “Qwikster” while retaining Netflix for streaming.

To be totally blunt, these people are not paying attention. Business-wise, this is a great idea for Netflix. In fact, Netflix is doing exactly what a smart business does. People think they’re blundering, but they’re looking at where Netflix is standing instead of where Netflix is looking — namely, at the writing smack on the wall.

It’s pretty simple: Netflix’s DVD delivery service is about to become a nasty, unprofitable side of their company. Why?
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Yeah, we’ve heard the hype. Facebook and Google are at war. Facebook wants to have every user on the Internet on its site, and every link to point back to it, while Google wants, well, all the information in the world. Google+ was the opening salvo of that war, and now they’re fighting for users, like Tron, only not heroic.

And Facebook is going to get absolutely curbstomped. Just like the microsecond Facebook became available to anyone, MySpace was dead meat, the clock is ticking for Facebook. It could make changes that would make it competitive, but it can’t or, more importantly, won’t. Here are the five reasons Facebook is a dead site walking.

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Successfully pulling off “dumb movie criminal” isn’t as easy a task as one might believe. Pulling off dumb is quite easy but unless the dumb criminal is surrounded by good writing, directing, and acting the whole thing falls apart (see: certain Tom Green and Queen Latifah vehicles). In my book the criminal either needs to be lovably dimwitted, humorously deranged, juxtaposed against witty straight men, or a combination of all three.

I think the following collection represents that. It also represents that the Coen Brothers have mastered the art of dumb criminal.

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Last month on the Fail-Log, we had…well…we had way, way too much TMI. We guess you can’t recruit more than half a billion people onto a website without getting at least a few outrageous people, but wow.

Needless to say, nobody discovered their modesty last month, although a lot of people forgot, well, everything. For example… Read the rest of this entry »

Last month, we saw the epic Twitter war between the Marketing Alliance and the Food Blogger Underground for who was the worst on Twitter. Despite valiant efforts by both sides, the battle ended in a draw, to be continued this month. And how did our two warring factions actually do?

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I was recently explaining to a friend how I truly believe that the Internet is one of the best things that has ever happened to cats. Think about it: Prior to the proliferation of the Internet, the last couple of years in particular, dogs were the clear-cut, hands-down favorite pet among people in America and most of the Western Hemisphere. Dogs are, after all, “man’s best friend.” Even the most ardently pro-cat person, of which I am one, could not deny that dogs were the Coke of pets, and cats were the Pepsi. Period.

But the Internet changed that. Cats, with their infamous curiosity and wacky antics, were just made to go viral. It’s almost as if God put them on Earth to be memes! I don’t have statistics to back this up, but I can sense that their popularity on the web has made them more endearing to humans, blurring the formerly clearly defined lines of popularity between cats and dogs. For instance: I have a friend in New York who recently told me that she specifically adopted a cat from a local shelter so she could make videos of it and upload them to the web. Yes. This served as all the proof I needed that cats have been seriously jacking their strat on the Internet. Perhaps they secretly hired Alex Blagg long ago?

With that said, I sense that dogs are making a late push. What with the War Dogs meme that recently spread far and wide, not to mention Warming Glow’s on-going Corgi madness, dogs seem to be working to reclaim undisputed supremacy, and I think they may be making serious strides to that end with all of the photos of dogs eating pasta that seem to be popping up more and more on the web.

I first took note of this a few weeks ago when searching for a dog image for something. I don’t remember what my exact search term was, I think it was simply “dogs eating” (Don’t ask.), but I noticed that the image search results in Google, Bing and Flickr were all littered with photos of dogs eating pasta. And then, within the past couple of weeks, a “Dogs Eating Pasta” Tumblr popped up. So this is, apparently, a thing! A bonafide thing! (UPDATE: A Twitter friend astutely points out that “Lady and the Tramp” may have something to do with this.)

So anyway, after the jump are twenty of my personal favorites from Dogs Eating Pasta. They’re hilarious. Enjoy… Read the rest of this entry »

Boy, did we really dodge a bullet on May 21 or what? I thought for sure that if anyone could predict when the world would end right down to the specifics of time zones it would be an 89-year old talk radio host. Imagine the egg on my face when I realized that Harold Camping’s prediction was wrong. Thankfully, I only spent $8 million of my own money on customized rapture vans and billboards, and I kept a few bucks in an old Penthouse under my waterbed so I can begin to rebuild my fortune through my family’s Lithuanian mail order bride business.

But Camping’s prediction, as wrong as it may have been, got me to thinking – what are we going to do when the actual rapture arrives? It doesn’t even have to be a rapture. It could be a nuclear holocaust, alien invasion, global pandemic, mutant sharks, return of the dinosaurs, etc. Regardless of the method of our eventual demise, we should leave something behind so that we’re not forgotten when the next world is born. Maybe some aliens will happen across this silly rock some day and decide to make it a theme park. Or maybe humankind will be given a second chance and whichever god eventually rapturing us will start over fresh. Either way, I want the next inhabitants of this Earth to know what kind of people they’re replacing. Because, heaven or hell, I think we’ve all been pretty darn special.

So I reached into my personal collection of my favorite photos from over the past few years of being in this blogging game (collected from some of my favorite places like Reddit, Kontraband, Holy Taco, Awkward Family Photos, Awkward Family Pet Photos, and various other sites) and put together this time capsule for our next generation. May they see in us what the rapture did not.

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