Did you know that The Real World is still on the air? Go figure. Not only is there a season going on in D.C. right now, but it looks like roommates are attempting to murder each other this time. Talk about pushing the envelope for ratings. Ty, after drunkenly tossing a cast member off the house’s balcony might be kicked out of the house this week. To commemorate this, we take a look at the six most memorable departures from The Real World.
6. Trish Cummings - Sydney
Miss the Sydney season? Don’t feel bad, I didn’t even know what an Australia was until a week ago. But this season had enough awkwardness and good old-fashioned Real World hatred we’ve come to know and love. Trish was a devout Christian that owned a promise ring. As we’ve learned, nothing says “reality show villain” like a firm belief in Jesus. Bitch.
Incident: You don’t come between a woman and her phone. You damn sure don’t come between a woman and a phone call with her boyfriend that gave her a promise ring. You might as well hide her Bible under a stack of Playboy’s. Trish reacts by shoving roommate Parisa to the floor. Parisa threw a hissy and got Trish kicked out. Parisa is Muslim, making this the first Crusade-style battle in reality television history.
5. Greg Halstead – Hollywood
Greg was the first cast member voted in the house by viewers. This means that all of you are idiots. Greg was a model that was convinced that he was picked for the show because he was incredibly hot. He called people peasants and women beneath him. Way to go, America.
Incident: In The Real World, a group of kids have to fund their ridiculously swank houses by taking on difficult, challenging jobs. This season’s job was the emotionally draining participation in an improv class. Greg was clearly too hot for it as his hotness surpassed mortal man, let alone reality television’s, boundaries. Because he didn’t attend his improv classes, he was kicked out of the house to share his hotness with the rest of the world. He was later swallowed up by his own hotness never to be heard from again.
4. Joey Kovar – Hollywood
Joey was that season’s resident bodybuilder. He hit the gym, ate raw eggs and vegetables and drank protein shakes. Then, he chased it all down with a gallon of Samuel Adams. To combat his drinking problem, he decided to join The Real World. Good call, there, Koko.
Incident: Joey checked into rehab in a pretty touching episode. Then, he came back after four weeks and watched his supportive friends pop bottles in front of him all night. It was one of the most glorious instances of bad friendship I’ve seen on television. You half-expected the group to throw vodka-filled water balloons at Joey while he was sleeping. Joey decided to leave the show to embrace his newfound sobriety and get away from booze in the house.
3. David Edwards – Los Angeles
Really, David Edwards was too big for The Real World. He was a master thespian, showing his acting chops in In Living Color and House Party 3. He was well on his way to becoming the next Denzel or that guy that did the robot on the Chappelle’s Show until he became The Real World troublemaker.
Incident: He raped one of the roommates. And by raped, I mean, he playfully yanked bedcovers off of Tami while she was in her underwear as part of a harmless, fun game where the girls were laughing throughout the tug of war. Deciding that what Dave did “wasn’t not funny,” Tami, retaliated by throwing his boots in the toilet. Beth called David a rapist, he was asked to leave the house and go on to bigger, better acting gigs pretending as if he didn’t need the $12 royalty checks he gets every time BET plays House Party 3.
2. Puck – San Francisco
Puck was like the Wolverine to this season’s X-Men. Which means that he became a celebrity above the rest of the cast and enjoyed sticking metal objects in his body. And if Hugh Jackman played him in a spin-off, it would suck, too. He’s also known for his intimate relationship with his own snot and his love of fingering peanut butter.
Incident: There wasn’t really one incident that sent everyone over the edge. He just kind of pissed people off. Most notably, he mocked Pedro Zamora who was homosexual and had AIDS. Puck should have known that anyone that mocks the gays and people with AIDS should be homeless forever. He should have stuck to the Cuban jokes; they’re patriotic. Capitalism owns your life! Since then, God smote Puck for his actions and damned him to purgatory: he lives in Alabama with his wife.
1. Irene McGee – Seattle
Depending on whom you ask, Lyme disease is either a serious affliction that affects a person’s emotional state or an excuse for crazy people to act batnuts insane. Whatever the deal was with Irene, she was froot loop nutso. She left the show due to some unclear problem with the concept of reality television. But, who cares? The most important part was how she left.
Incident: If you don’t get giddy thinking about this moment in television history then you deserve to get smacked in the face by a not-so ambiguously gay Black guy. Stephen thought Irene’s Lyme disease was hogwash so they would always butt heads. To really stick it to her, Stephen stole her prized stuffed animal and threw it off the pier. Irene called Stephen gay, so Stephen scampered to Irene’s car and tenderly bitch-slapped her. If Youtube were around back then, the clip would have had 63 infinity views in its first week. Irene currently spends her time hosting a radio show and calling the cops on her neighbors that play loud Hip-Hop and she swears they are selling cocaine out of their house.
For all of those participants past and present that had to leave early, don’t feel bad. It could be worse. You could be known for this little diddy.