THE TOP 20 5-SECOND FILMS IN 5 WORDS OR LESS

If you’re an Internet user who’s half the lazy time-waster that I am, you’ve probably seen something from 5-Second Films before. The website has been featured on both “Attack of the Show” and “Tosh.0,” which are TV shows about the Internet for geeks who like to have their obsessions validated by cable television. In fact, “AOTS” co-host Olivia Munn called 5-Second Films “hit or miss,” which is precisely the kind of recognition I’ve been trying to get from Olivia for years. But she has effective security guards and a team of lawyers that have a bottomless well of “cease and desist” letters. Alas.

Thus it is with great pleasure that Uproxx has teamed with 5-Second Films to present their twenty best creations. In  honor of this momentous occasion for independent dot-com venues, I have given each clip a write-up of five words or fewer (please note that the headline is grammatically incorrect merely because it sounds better that way). Perhaps some day, Olivia Munn will describe these descriptions as “hit or miss.” And also send me the Princess Leia slave costume she wore at Comic-Con.

Here we go. I like the ones with baby violence and/or drinking!

MAGIC SHOW VOLUNTEER — Pregnant lady punched.

LATE FOR WORK — Totally been there.

MR. FORGETFUL — Hooray, gun violence!

DON’T THINKO DE MAYO — Thanks for tequila, Mexico!

ROBODOG — Upside: no poop.

IRRESPONSIBLE TIO — Drunk children are awesome.

THE RANSOM — Like Se7en, but funnier.

KEEPING YOU SAFE — The future of political ads.

THE MIRACLE OF LIFE — Russian doll fetuses.

WINGMAN — Fly solo next time.

ROB AND BOB — Caught in a rad bromance.

THE LEGEND BEGINS — Sexual harassment needs a hero.

BANKJOB — It’s funny because of semen.

30 CENTS TO FREEDOM — Dancing alcoholic hobo.

WATCH THIS!!! — More baby violence: I approve.

AGGRESSIVE MARKETING — Effective, but ethically questionable.

LAST ANCHOR STANDING — Now that’s reporting!

HER FIRST TIME — Best. Lifetime movie. Ever.

1-900-BROTALK — “Mmmm… yeah… Let’s watch football.”

EMO COWBOYS — Hooray, death to emo kids!