When Should You Use A Taser?

There is a popular series of videos on the Interweb that has a person demonstrating a blender on steroids. The  videos tests the limits of the blender by putting in various objects and asking the now famous catchphrase “Will It Blend?” Obviously there is no need for anyone to ever blend expensive electronics as we are pretty sure it would taste like crap afterward, but it is useful to show how the blender could be used.

USA! USA!

The folks who make the Taser also produce a fairly useful product. Unlike the blender folks though they do not seem to have the same kind of marketing savvy. We have been unable to find any definitive guides as to when you should use the various Taser products. So to that end we present you with our guide on proper use of the Taser in various real life situations.

This list is not comprehensive by any means but it should give you a good idea on when to zap someone with the  50,000 volts the Tasers are capable of putting out. Tasers allow you to get up close and personal with the handheld model or nail someone from up to 20 feet with a model that shoots darts. They also come in various colors so you can be stylish while inflicting searing painful shocks.

Neuromuscular incapacitation does not have to be boring.

Sometimes though the trouble maker does something weird, like run away. in this case you might be interested in the  Taser bullet which totally looks like something Wile E. Coyote would have ordered from the Acme company. This little gem not only shocks the victim bad guy but if he reaches to remove it, it will shock his hands when he touches it. Taser is currently working on a more advanced model that will also kick you in the balls.

We think the temptation to use something this awesome will be too much for most people.

Whatever model you decide on though you should first refer to our handy chart below before attempting to use it.

1. A 10 year old boy.

In Indiana police were called to a daycare when calls came in reporting a disturbance. When they arrived at the Tender Teddies Daycare they found that the offender was a 10 year old boy who was reportedly out of control. He was being neither tender or a teddy. The two seasoned officers assessed the situation carefully and acted.

Do You Tase?

Hell yes.

Turns out the little hellion wasn’t any normal little boy.  This kid was apparently 94 pounds. The average 10 year old only weighs about 70 pounds. It is apparent that this kid was some kind of crazed gigantic mutant child.

Its either you or them, make your choice.

When faced with something like that its obvious that two fully grown trained professionals would have no choice but to tase him into submission. A time out was just not going to be as effective as 50,000 volts in this case.

2. A pregnant mother.

In Seattle police pulled over a car suspected of speeding. When the woman driving pulled over and dropped her daughter off at school the officers cited her for speeding and asked her to sign the ticket. She refused and told them she was seven months pregnant.

Do You Tase?

Don't make them angry. You wouldn't like them when they are angry.

Senior citizens will straight jack you up yo.

Pretty much the same thing we figure.