When they aren’t stealing pic-a-nic baskets, riding horses, taking dumps in the woods with the pope , wiping their bums with rabbits, and mauling environmentalists, bears like to spend their remaining time being undeniably awesome. For example, the bear above is an 800-pound grizzly named Brutus who was raised by Casey Anderson. Here are five more pictures of Brutus being awesome:
Wait, he called the bear Brutus? So if the bear snaps and attacks him, he can say, “Et tu, Brute?” Wow. [via]
Moving on, here’s a bear from Aso Zoo in Hiroshima, Japan. He’s a black belt in bearjitsu:
Ho! Haha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Ha! Thrust!
Bears don’t just love swinging big sticks. They love swingsets, too. A family in Milford, PA found this happening at their newly-built backyard playset:
When bears play chicken on the monkey bars, it’s to the death.
Not only could those Milford, PA bears climb ladders, but so can this one:
This bear in Snowmass, Colorado fell into a skateboarding pool and couldn’t climb out until the parks and rec department gave him a ladder. (Note to self: never leave a jar of honey at the top of a fire escape.)
Meanwhile, in Vail, “another bear chewed up the steering wheel of a Subaru Forester. It also scratched up the rest of the car and managed to deploy the air bags.” [via] (Note to self #2: stop coating my steering wheel with delicious honey.)
I’d like to think that bear escaped from the crime scene like this:
Speaking of escaping bears, did you know pandas are constantly plotting adorable escapes? The reason they don’t breed often isn’t because they’re stupid pandas, it’s because it would distract them from their elaborate prison break schemes. Like these two dash cunning getaways:
See how they work as a team? Unfortunately, they didn’t get far because they’re wearing the distinctive black-and-white convict stripes.
Another bear fact: they like to pole dance:
Okay, it’s actually scratching its back, but it’s still pretty cool. But not as cool as this bear who walks upright after she lost a front paw. (starts around 45 seconds in)
That bear has better posture than I do.
To finish out this gallery, I’d just like to remind everyone that bears can also be very dangerous. Especially bears who walk upright, climb ladders, rock the quarterstaff, and blend into your Thanksgiving party by pole dancing just like your drunk cousin Misty. So, as an important public service announcement, here is a harrowing video of employees at a Japanese zoo wrangling an escaped bear. Fair warning, though, this video is very disturbing and is not recommended for children, those with heart conditions, and pregnant women or women who may become pregnant.