It’s well established that thanks to Twilight, vampires are forever demoted to well below the status of leprechauns and rainbow unicorns as far as being taken seriously goes. But what else has Twilight destroyed in its long march through the institutions? More than a few things.
1. Classic Novels
If you’ve left the house and entered a bookstore recently, you might have caught sight of this:
That’s right: Emily Bronte’s classic 1847 novel has been repackaged in the now-classic Twilight font and red-black-and-white theme in an effort to con young women into reading it, despite the fact that the book contains not a single reference to vampires (well, not until the new edition comes out in 2011, anyway). At least Wuthering Heights is linked to Twilight somewhat, in that it’s meant to be Bella’s favorite book, and in that there is a single mention of blood drinking in it. But if this re-covering succeeds we can probably expect to see Twilight versions of 1984 and The Holy Bible soon.
Will the new cover work, and sell a lot of new copies of Wuthering Heights? Maybe. More likely, Twilight fans will be put off by the sheer lack of physical description in the novel. If Emily Bronte doesn’t tell us, how are we meant to know whether or not a character is beautiful enough to look like he’s made out of chiseled marble? And if we don’t know, how are we meant to care what happens to him?
These repackaging tentacles are finding their way into many other things as well, such as Kathryn Bigelow’s 1987 vampire western movie Near Dark.
This is despite the fact that there is not a single scene in Twilight in which Edward cuts someone’s throat open with a spur.
2. Relationships
When we say ‘relationships’ we’re not just talking about the love lives of the Twilight stars, although admittedly we’re a bit concerned when the lead actress says this:
Uh, okay, Kristen.
No, apparently Twilight has ruined the love lives of many of its fans, as well. The ‘MLIT’ (My Life Is Twilight) website, an FMyLife spinoff where girls talk about the extent of their obsession, lists quite a few of these breakups:
“Today, my ex-boyfriend threw my Twilight book across the room. He was still my boyfriend before that. MLIT”
“My boyfriend got so sick of me talking about how good the Twilight Saga was he decided to read it. He hated it, and then told me to choose him or my obsession. I said you know the answer, to which he replied “Thank God”. He didn’t get it until I told him to get out of my house. MLIT.”
This kind of thing isn’t isolated. And if the relationships don’t end completely, boyfriends and husbands can still find themselves ignored by their newly-Twilight-obsessed wife or girlfriend. But still, this isn’t the worst thing that could happen in a relationship after one of you starts liking sparkly vampire stories. You could end up like these couples, also from MLIT:
“Today my boyfriend touched my face, and for the fisrt time i didn’t flinch at how cold his hands were. He looked at me and said…………”your pretending i’m Edward aren’t you?” I blushed as we both knew it was true. I can offically say MLIT!!!!”
“Today I asked my boyfriend if he would hold ice to his lips for a minute before he kissed me, so I could pretend I was kissing Edward. He did. MLIT”
“Today me and my boyfriend Edward watched Twilight and whenever Edward Cullen’s lines came on he would repeat them line for line. While he did Edward’s I did Bella’s. It was fun especailly when we did the kissing scene he put an ice pack on his lips before we kissed and that was our first kiss too 
”
On the other hand, according to many Twilight fans, the books have improved their relationships. If you can call it that. One woman said: “I think my husband and I had more sex in those couple of weeks when I was reading Twilight than in the entire few months before.”So, if your partner likes Twilight and the relationship does survive, you have two options:
a) a future of frostbite in embarrassing places and an eventual death of hypothermia, culminating in EMTs forcibly pulling your arduous lover off your frozen, naked corpse
b) A raging sex life now consisting of her closing her eyes and pretending really really hard that you’re sparkly, followed by both of you softly crying yourselves to sleep on opposite sides of the bed.
Enjoy!
3. Parental Respect
As most of us know by now, Twilight fandom has long since bust out of the series’ original Young Adult demographic. In fact, a word, ‘Twimoms’ has been coined for older, usually married women who also enjoy the books. Now, there’s nothing wrong with that – women of any age are free to enjoy whatever they want, no matter what age group it might be aimed at, just like adult men are free to enjoy Star Wars. But unfortunately, a lot of Twimoms seem to think that the fact that they like a book aimed at teenage girls means that they can finally go back to acting like teenage girls.
Look, there’s a reason that most older people don’t like hanging around with 16-year-old girls (and why we arrest those that do). Teenage girls are weird and obsessive, but at least they have hormones as an excuse. Once you’re older and a parent, you’re meant to know better. But something about vampire romance seems to make many people regress into the mental state of the average Jonas Brothers fan. Take this comment from Kellan Lutz, who plays Emmett Cullen in the Twilight movies:
“When we were shooting in LA actually, the craziest thing was like ‘Hey!” oh wait, what did they say…um, “hey if you bite my neck I’ll give you my baby!” And the mom had her baby there and she was like ‘take my baby! Take my baby! I want a vampire baby! Bite her neck!” It was just the cutest thing.”
Yes, very cute. We just hope that that woman doesn’t become a fan of Spiderman next. “Bite my baby, radioactive spider! I want a superhero baby!!” But hey, maybe she was joking. We probably can’t say that about the woman in this encounter, described by the actor who plays teen werewolf Jacob:
“”I had this 40-year-old woman trying to find a way to take her panties off for me to sign them. They had my name imprinted on them. So that was kind of strange. But you can’t expect anything from these ‘Twilight’ fans.”
Keep in mind that the man saying this was seventeen at the time of this occurrence. Also, note the resigned tone to his words. This guy is still several years away from being able to drink, and he’s already jaded to women over twice is age exposing their genitals to him in public. This wasn’t an isolated incident, either: other reports on the Internet report similar Twilight flashings done by mothers in front of their own children. Imagine if the sexes were reversed, and it was 40-year-old dudes doing this kind of thing. What we’re saying is, someone needs to go on the sex offender’s registry, now.
4. Names
‘Edward’ is an Old English name meaning ‘blessed guard’. Eight kings of England have used it as a moniker, so it can be assumed that the general population thought it was pretty cool. Old English names which have become popular in other languages are rare, but Edward managed it, being found today in everything from Spanish to Lithuanian. And yet it’s been summarily ruined, along with many other names from Twilight. On the Facebook page ‘Twilight Has Ruined My Name’, men and women named ‘Edward’, ‘Bella’ and many other rare-ish names popularized by the series gather to commiserate over the destruction Stephenie Meyer has wrought:
Although, really woman, you named your daughter Twilight? You kind of deserve anything you get. You shouldn’t worry much about your daughter’s name because she’ll probably change it to ‘Jane Smith’ as soon as she’s eighteen and then never talk to you again.
5. Sex
If you’re a man, imagine an attractive woman in her underwear. There she is, standing there, close to naked. Nothing but underwear. Not too hard, right?
Now imagine that underwear consisting of these:
That’s right, what could be sexier than a frightening-yet-intimidating man staring at you from your lover’s crotch? (Note: If you’re a woman, the experiment will also work if you imagine a man wearing these as well. In fact, it might even work better.)
Now, these panties aren’t really disturbing until your imaginary underwear-clad paramour removes the panties to reveal, uh, this:
That’s right, the same man has had his – well, we’ll stop here before this article starts coming up on some weird Internet searches. But the one good thing about this underwear is that given the emotional unavailability of the average Twilight fan, our thought experiment will remain just that, and no one will ever, ever see it.
So what is the lovelorn Twilight fan to do? Well, there’s always this Twilight, uh, love toy, which comes in “a deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the moon’s soft glow” and even sparkles in the sunlight.
Oh yeah.
“Toss it in the fridge for that authentic experience!” the site says. Okay then. Well, it beats covering an ordinary vibrator in body glitter, I guess. That stuff can really irritate your skin. Or so I’ve been told.
6. Washington State
Washington State has historically been known for some unfortunate things. First there was grunge, which was perfectly acceptable in the early 90’s, but which got a bit old after the twentieth year of its fans not washing their clothes or hair. Then there was that awful movie, Sleepless in Seattle, which forced us to think about Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan potentially having sex for almost two hours. These things were the first items that outsiders associated with Washington, and if you didn’t like them, too bad for you, because you were in a conversation about them now.
But by the beginning of the 21st century, both of these things had mercifully faded from the public consciousness. Washington was finally free to be one of those states that no one really identifies with anything in pop culture, like Delaware.
Above: Delaware's indie music scene.
Then Twilight came along.
Now, when Washingtonians speak to anyone who is female or knows someone female, there is a 60% chance that they will immediately identify their state with Twilight. This even extends to people who have never been to the US. Foreigners who before would have asked “Washington? That’s the capital, right?” now ask between squeals if you live anywhere near Forks.
Now, one thing that isn’t well known about Washington is that the state is so big that no matter where you are in it, you’re pretty much always 12 hours from Forks. Stephenie Meyer had never visited the place when she wrote Twilight, and didn’t take the time to do a Google Map search and find out that driving to Seattle takes far longer than the ‘2 hours’ she gave in the books, even if you drive like a vampire.
What do the poor people in Forks, WA, think about this? Well, when we drove 12 hours to go ask them they just rolled around a bit in a pile of gold bullions while whooping hysterically and throwing hundred dollar bills into the air, so we guess it that at least those guys don’t mind so much.
7. The Publishing Industry
Above: Every book in Borders right now
The publishing industry has jumped on Twilight like Perez Hilton on a naked photo of a teenage girl. The ‘paranormal romance’ sector is booming, with books focusing on plots as varied as vampires that fall in love with human women, werewolves that fall in love with human women, shapeshifters that fall in love with human women, ghosts that fall in love with women, chupacabra that fall in love with human women, and human women that fall in love with human women, only to find out that they’re both vampires.
Meyer succeed in what she did not just by combining elements of the traditional romance novel with stories about the paranormal (others had done this beforehand) but in inexplicably bringing it all to the mainstream. A whole new generation of young women is being raised to enjoy romance novels, which is good for Harlequin. But in the process, most of the fantasy and Young Adult genre has been edged out.
What Twilight fans will be reading in ten years.
Presumably, this will eventually die down, and young people will go back to watching reality shows about midgets like normal people. But not before these copycat Twilight series are all made into television shows. Avoid the CW for the next fifteen years, just in case.
8. Robert Pattinson’s Music Career
Robert Pattinson, who has shown no love for his role as Edward Cullen in the Twilight movies, recently expressed fear that his typecasting as a sparkly vampire will negatively affect on the career he really wants. “I’ll record a few tracks as soon as I finish the promotion for the movies,” Pattinson said, “but before I won’t to do anything. I don’t want to release an album which has a sticker on it saying, ‘By the vampire of Twilight’ on it. If the record is released one day there won’t be my name or my picture on the cover. Everyone would be biased. No one would listen to it.”
…you know what, this is actually probably a good thing. Thanks, Twilight.
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#6: say what you will about my fine state, at least we still love horses. Literally.
I feel bad for any girl named Renesmee whose perfectly normal, not-retarded-at-all, name has been ruined forever.
Well you mentioned Near Dark, so that’s the first step to success.
A Near Dark repackaging that chooses to close Jenny Wright’s eyes is clear evidence of a brain injury.
And they deliberately colo(u)r Adrian Pasdar a cold, undead blue, and Jenny Wright with a healthy, living-human tan? That’s just blatant deception.
Good work, marketing team!
frightening-yet-intimidating?
Avoid the CW for the next fifteen years, just in case.
I’d be more worried if the CW was still around fifteen years from now.
At least Twilight hasn’t ruined bloody marys, blood oranges, or blood pudding. Or just drinking blood.
If you have to rip off Twilight to sell books, you probably shouldn’t be writing in the first place.
Then again, neither should Meyer.
They changed the cover for Near Dark to that?! What the hell was the problem with the iconic image of Bill Paxton looking like hell has fucked him raw, or of a young child going up in flames in the sunlight, and then exploding?
I fucking hate Twilight.
You forgot history. Apparently Meyer’s power is so great that she inspired a film and a story 70 years ago that jump started the career of Lon Chaney Jr.
it is a great stupid filter. if a girl says she is a twilight fan, i bail, immediately.
Whatever. Men and their obsession with porn is just as damaging to women and relationships, and it’s much more prevalent. This Twilight phenom is a phase, like grunge music or boy bands, it will fade eventually and something else will take its place..and people will take THAT too seriously too.
It’s more fun to bond over something you perceive as greater than yourself. People did the same thing with Elvis, the Beatles and Cabbage Patch Dolls.
It is just fantasy -a break from the BS of every life. Better than drugs or alcohol, so I say go forth with your obsession and make no apologies. It’ll pass eventually and you’ll come back to reality.
Meyers is laughing all the way to the bank. Write about something that matters.
And that my friends is why i did this.
[www.youtube.com]
Vuvuzela + Twilight Premier= fun stuff
@#6
Ha!
/sob
Warmest Personal Regards,
Musician from Delaware
I live in Seattle and seriously get pissed about Fork now. Every few weeks the local news does a story on Forks. I don’t care. I just don’t care. I would rather get some real news other then some dumb book took place in a city in my state,
Angela, comparing women with Twilight to men with porn?
First, if men watch porn involving people in high school… PRISON.
Second, I can count every time I’ve slept in a parking lot compound of men for days for the release of a porno on no hands.
Third, porn does just as much to help relationships as it does to harm. How dare you sully the sweet, sweet name of porn by comparing it to something that has writing and acting that ranks beneath it.
“Today I pinched a loaf and camera phoned that shit. MLIWP (My Life Is Word Press)!!!”
So Angela, you like Twilight, right?
That’s your lousy fucking argument, Angela? “It’s not as bad as porn, lol!” Why don’t you go to Ground Zero and tell the fine citizens of New York City how Osama Bin Laden isn’t as bad as Hitler, you stupid cunt.
@angela
You put Cabbage Patch dolls in with Elvis and The fucking Beatles. Your argument is invalid.
Also, let me fucking tell you, I have read excerpts from Twilight. Compared to the story of that girl in Naughty Neighbors Magazine that just turned 18 and boinked the ice cream man, I might as well been reading bathroom stall graffiti. It’s that fucking bad.
Finally, I have smoked bunk ass ditch-weed a thousand times more interesting and fulfilling than “words on paper for heavy, dimwitted females” (Twilight). Don’t you dare fucking say Twilight is better than drugs. Twilight isn’t better than Charmin.
I talk a lot of shit about this “sparkly, sun doesn’t kill us, romantic, pouty” “vampire” book series, but I have never read it, as I’m sure most people reading this site have not.
I’m a guy, and I’m going to give the first book a try. I’m not going to be a hypocrite and say I hate something that I know next to nothing about. My wife just got done with the first book, and she said, “It reads like it was written for high school kids, but it wasn’t as bad as everyone makes it out to be.”
So, before you go talking more shit about Twilight, at least read it, so you have something to base your argument off of, instead of just “TEHY SPARKEL!”
really only 8? I can think of more things it has ruined.
I agree with Angela.
Hey, at least my home state of Washington had Twin Peaks before this nonsense. Gotta give it that, y’know. And the first recording of Led Zeppelin, before the first album came out, was from Gonzaga U in Spokane. There’s that, at least . . . I’ve read a lot of excerpts from these books. The plots are bad enough, the writing is pathetic. And, I think, one poster on another board had it right: it appears this is, really, some of the worst fan fiction ever, with Bella as – what was it called? – Betty Sue (?). Read the passage that describes Steph – oops, I mean “Bella,” walking into a shop after she is “turned.”
Write about something that matters.
You know what happens when people talk about “something that matters” in a place that’s supposed to be funny? Studio 60. And nobody wants that.
Kali agrees with Angela. I can’t really argue with that.
@shengin: I’ve read all the books, even ‘Midnight Sun’. They’re pretty enjoyable if you do it for the lulz. I even visited Forks earlier this year to scoop the place out.
Shengin, you are a) full of shit, b) a woman, and c) an avid reader of this shit.
I picked up the first one in Barnes and Nobles once, and holy shit does Meyer make Anne Rice look like Eudora fucking Welty.
But note to self, include Twilight in all future Uproxx posts as it clearly drives traffic.
I agree with all of the points in this article, though there is one more point I feel should be mentioned. The book glamorizes underage relationships and sex. And, let’s not forget… (spoiler ahead) …
…the stupid girl gets pregnant with a vampire baby that chews its way out of her stomach.
The book goes from sappy, angst-ridden teenage drivel, to something more vile than even George Romero will portray.
I wear my Edgar Allan Poe says “FUCK TWILIGHT” shirt proudly.
An argument out there says ‘well, at least it gets kids reading’, which is a dangerous belief to hold. Yeah, kids are reading, but what they’re reading is of such poor quality that when it comes to actually reading something of substance – even Anne Rice for chrissakes – they’re left shaking their heads because they can’t understand it. I can’t even imagine what would happen to someone who only reads Twilight if they picked up Dracula.
Meyer is a terrible, terrible writer promoting a level of reading comprehension that drags us further toward Idiocracy levels every day.
And I’m not even going to get into the blatant misogyny and borderline Mormon themes throughout the book. That woman has some serious issues she’s foisting on her readers.
@Sephira You did NOT read Midnight Sun, as it was NEVER published. Only an illegal posting of a DRAFT of it was published. ILLEGALLY. That makes you a LIAR.
I like to keep the sample (first chapter) of the first book on my iPhone (Kindle app) just so I can let people read the shit and see how far they get before dying in laughter. Nobody’s made it past three pages yet.
@Jojo: I read the leaked draft online, sweetie.
Twilight is a good series. You don’t have to like it but it’s plain rude to call other people dumb and crazy and pathetic just because they do. I like Twilight, Wuthering Heights. shows about “midgets” AND the CW. How about a little diversity in your life? Most people who insult Twilight fans have never even read the first book. So, really where does this love for hating Twilight come from? People just think it’s cool to hate Twilight. It’s not.
@Megan
Well, the love of insulting it comes from fans like you.
Seriously, most of the hatred is because Twitards just will not shut the fuck up about these books as if they were amazing works of literature instead of paperback romances that happened to hit for some inexplicable reason. Stephen King stepped in and smacked Stephenie Meyer down for excellent reason.
I know plenty of people who like the books but don’t operate under the delusion that they’re any good, or that they don’t have fairly uncomfortable overtones of stalking. Unfortunately, they’re outnumbered by people who take this shit incredibly seriously.
And, yeah, I’ve read the first book. You’re an idiot. Have a big steaming mug of shut the fuck up and read a fantasy series that’s worth it, like “The Dresden Files”. You’ll like that. It has a pretty vampire in it.
Alright, I have to weigh in on this. First of all, I have read Twilight. And New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn. I agree that it was made for teenagers, but there’s no way anyone can deny that the writing SUCKS.
Megan, since I read your post most recently, I have to say that people don’t hate Twilight because it’s cool to hate Twilight. People hate Twilight cuz it’s a piece of shit that degrades real pieces of literature, pieces of literature that our children are going to be exposed to and Stephenie Meyer is helping ruin those cultural standards in the future. I’m a Creative Writing major, and not a single English major or Creative Writing major at my school thinks Twilight is worth a piece of shit. Have you read the last book? It was trash that Meyer probably wrote while she was high on crack.
And I don’t think it’s rude to call people who enjoy that series “pathetic” because think about it–you’re falling in love with a story about a teenage girl who abandons her parents, who gave her everything she has, falls in love with a boy who can live forever, and leaves everything she has for him. She drops her friends, ignores her family, devotes every second of her life to a boy who she changes herself for. Why is that a good book? How in the world is that promoting anything positive about literature or life? Her book is telling you that it’s ok to change who you are for a boy, completely abandon your friends and family, and then rush into a relationship purely for the desire to have sex and get knocked up. So how is Twilight good? It’s not. And I don’t want to hear bullshit crap about Bella being “in love” with Edward. That’s not love, that’s obsession and lust, and it’s 100% unhealthy. Grow up, get a real life, and fall in love with REAL men. They’re out there. And if you all just got your heads out of that god damn series, you could find them.
@Poe
Where can I get a shirt like that?
This is a fairly funny sendup, even if the writer does not know when the 21st century is(was). But the anti-Twilight obsessives are just as funny as the TIMLs.
Dan…you’re a self important douche. You say your twilight hate (which i’m sure is more of a hate for the world and not just twilight) is because of “fans like me”. HAHA Because you think I don’t “shut the fuck up about these books”?? How the fuck would you know that? Because I never talk about Twilight unless it’s in a casual conversation with someone else who likes the books.
Just because someone likes the books doesn’t mean they talk about them all the time. I would never call my self a Twihard..that’s stupid. I like the books and who the hell gives a fuck if you don’t!!! The only reason I commented on this RUDE article is because I couldn’t believe how incredibly mean spirited and hateful all the comments were.
GROW UP AND START SPENDING YOUR TIME DOING AND READING THINGS YOU LIKE INSTEAD OF BEING NASTY TO PEOPLE FOR WHAT THEY LIKE!!!
um so yeah, I read the books, and the writeing was undeveloped and kind of immature. I live vampire stories. But as a grown woman with children I can honestly say that no book, no author, no anything would make me behave like an obsessive teenage girl. Those that do need some kind of help.
In addition, Twilight has ruined vampire stories. Now when I find one I need to see if it’s real vampires or lame chastity ring sparkley I can’t believe it’s not vampires.
And I am not sure how they managed to make the movies worse than the books, they did. But I’m stuck with it because I have a daughter at the right age to be obsessive over the tripe and as a responsible parent like to at least make sure I know about her obsession.
BTW Twilight does nothing for encouraging waiting for marriage. It simply validates to teenage girls that they are rageing hgormone balls that want to have sex, and they now see their potential mates as having the self controll to help them wait. Let’s see how most teenage boys do with that.
And the panties=gross. Just gross.
I never thought I would be able to say that any movie butchered the vampire genra as much as Queen of the Damned, but I have been proven wrong. At least the Twilight books were nowhere near Anne Rice.
True Blood on the other hand…lol…there is a damn fine adult alternative, lol. Cheesy-yes. But in a guilty pleasure kind of way.
Becky…it’s just a book. I think it’s a good book, you don’t. So what. Also, I am married to an amazing man and would not trade him for anyone. THEY’RE JUST BOOKS! Some people might not realise that, but some do. You need to remember that.
I don’t hate Twilight fans because they like Twilight, I hate Twilight fans because in their obsession, they do things like… try to make out with Robert Pattinson in the street, against his will. Oh, they also try to (and are often successful at) committing serious acts of violence towards people that think Twilight is crap. [io9.com]
This is a fairly funny write-up on an obvious pop phenomenon. Even if the writer does not know when the 21st century is/was, it’s still clever and amusing and, as such, not to be taken too seriously. It’s ENTERTAINMENT!
The real humor for me is that the anti-Twilighters are reading this as gospel … their IHTEMTB (I Hate Twilight Even More Than Bathing) sentiment is even funnier than the TIMLers.
Quoting S. King and saying “No one can deny the writing sucks” and “No, I don’t hate Twilight because it’s cool to hate Twilight” … these are signs of delusion and inflated self-importance. Show me your qualifications to judge what is and is not “sucky” writing. Five years ago, you were probably whining about Harry Potter.
If you are a parent who is seriously ranting about how these books are impacting your children, do them a favor and adopt them out now, while they are still minors. If your daughters going out to have sex because they watched these movies you have a lot more serious issues to worry about.
@Megan
Sure spending a lot of time here. Shouldn’t you be shoving prosthetic vampire fangs in your vagina?
hahaha to bad i live in washington and no one talks about twilight lmao and washington is better known for its bomb fire chronic weed sonnnnnnnnnnnn smoke some sometime lol
I feel a bit better knowing that #2 actually isn’t an isolated case… there needs to be a support group for people whose relationships were ruined by Twilight.
What the hell with the panty
you people r fucked up freeks
hahahahahaha, kak funny and so true.
TIMLs are fucking stupid.
Excuse me, I have a world of warcraft tournament to get to.
After that I have to hang out at the staples center to get Kobe’s autograph.
Then I will sail around the world solo to bring attention to female cicumcissions in Africa.
Fuck all everybody who has a hobby!!!
Umm yeah as a literature aficionado whenever I mention the terms romance or gothic, I have to explain how romance and gothic are styles of writing, and personally I think the book was a cheap shot at the period in which Mary Shelly was writing, it completely undermines the fusion of gothic and romance that make a good horror or novel that tries to maintain a love theme. And if you are the fans who are saying stop hating it it’s just a book, no one cares, I’m gonna give you a breakdown of what writing is, much like music in the past writing as insignificant as a mainstream reader likes to say reading is, is used to convey and spread beliefs and ideas among others, take Mien Kampf for example, but that was just a book, right? It’s books like these that are horrible pieces of literature that become trendy amongst the uncontrolled masses for no apparent reason that cause people to do things they later regret, and if you think our hate talk is irritating, just think, you have to read through our articles, do you know how much I have to hear people rant about this psuedo-vampire, quasi-romantic series of novels, it’s actually nauseating.
We don’t hate it because it’s cool to hate (maybe some do) but I hate it because I have a brain, an opinion, and an education, so that gives me the right to explain my argument.
Look at any recent news/talk show interviews with any of the actors. They have no passion for the films…
As for the series itself, it’s easy to succombe teenage girls and insecure 40 year olds. Give them something they know is unreachable: unconditional, obsessive, irrational- “love”. Meyers knows this is a weakness and thus hardly opens the crack of her ass to blow a fart of actual literary finesse onto any of the novels’ pages. It’s like feeding an emaciated child- they are so desperately hungry that they’ll eat whatever pile of shit you throw on their dirt floors, they’ll gobble it up without hesitation, knowing that the food will fill their void of hunger.
Ask yourselves this, if Twilight or and of its mediocre predecessors weren’t books, would this phenomenon bother you as much?
Thank you Derek.
Gosh, could you imagine if there was a second Titanic film? This too shall pass. Yeah I remember standing in the store I worked at selling Jack and Rose lollipops and shoelaces. Whatever happened to Leo?
True, this is all a phase and will go away soon, one more movie, one more movie. At least they are getting them all out within 6 months of each other, makes it a little faster. Damn Harry Potter has made us wait for years to see the last installment, and its two (yes 2!) films! And the hype with #7. . . unfortunately, before my 12 yr old daughter goes to read one of the books, I make sure I read it first, and feel it’s appropriate for her. Most of them are not. . . and if you ever read one of Anne Rice’s books or Brahm Stoker’s Dracula (or the movies) you know being a vampire is a very, very sexual thing. And these ladies targeting our girls are using that. I’m not saying that my daughter is going to go out and have sex tomorrow, just because the vamps in the books she is reading are doing it, I raised my daughter right, but geeze people. . . make it PG already if your target audience is my daughter.
This all is fine and good, wonderful little piece of ENTERTAINMENT. I love all the people who take this to heart. But hey, I gotta run, Taylor Lautner is here in Pittsburgh, making a film, that probably sucks, but every Jacob loving girl is gonna go see.
… well then, this article definitely made me laugh, but I agree with some of its arguments. The relationship thing is a bit on the obsessive side, but who am I to judge. A lot of umm, “special” people express too much what they enjoy (isn’t it the same for those that role-play in the sack?) At any case, I think everyone misses the point of the article. It was meant to entertain you, while the original author points out the arguments and whether or not people agree. In other words, the author is neutral on the matter, regardless of the topic in discussion. (also 40-somethings… really? that’s just nasty…)
Here are my thoughts. The books are horrible in the literature world (same goes for the movies), but doesn’t mean I hate them for it. Sure now and again I encounter friends that wont shut the hell up about Twilight, but, why should I let their obsession bother me on a personal level? Honestly, Ive never even READ the books and I know they are written with cheap mediocre taste. I actually cheated and went online to read the summarized versions with some quoted texts, and just by that I knew that these books were meant to entertain a class of people that do not read immense amount of books. Not to imply that Twilight fans are stupid, but also they are not at the capacity of people who do enjoy more complicated and well structured text. I bet you anything that the majority of fans of this series have never read a complex story before, where you actually have to think in order to interpret what the author is trying to say, also, I make the same wager for people who have read such stories and their primary hatred for the twilight series is because it is a simple read with mistakes: Its stupid, its cheesy, its unrealistic, it has too many plot holes, or the plot makes no sense, it gives bad influences, the vampires sparkle…
Of course, everyone is entitled to their opinions. My opinion is that it was meant to entertain. Even if that entertainment drifts out of hand into borderline crazy, Meyer, although an amateur author at best, is not held responsible for how people react towards it. If these books are her authorial debut, she has a long way to go before she earns the respect and proper praise she deserves (and probably a few literature classes *coughs*). Stephen King is has a point, she can’t write, but then again neither did King when he first started and I’m fairly positive he knows this, that is why he is willing to say the truth: Meyer can’t write worth a “darn.” Everyone is very jaded now a days, everything sucks and little to no appreciation, but the story was poorly written. Not to mention the most significant detail to vampire lore was taken out. Twilight vampires don’t burn in the sun, they sparkle… I think that’s what pissed most people off.
Still, I kindly agree with what Megan tried to express. She’s a Twilight fan, no doubt about that. Becky and Derek are not. She is right though, it is just a story. A bad story, but a story nonetheless. Megan reads it because she enjoyed it, flaws and all. Perhaps she HAS read a few good books, but also she’s not jaded or so close minded to an amateur author’s book. Doesn’t mean she’s stupid, it just means she gives opportunity and it just turned out that she liked it without being a crazed 40-something old bag trying to dry hump the male actors of the movies. Now, Derek and Becky, I assume you read the book (…sure as hell I haven’t :X) and neither of you liked it I bet, from obvious responses to this article. Now, your answer to the question of “why” can come in a multitude of responses to prove your argument why Twilight is inferior and should be banned from prestigious book listings. I respect that, and for the most part I agree with some of your answers. However, my belief that Twilight is just a book is just that, a book.
Derek- you can’t compare Twilight with MEIN Kampf. Sure both books are full of ideas and beliefs and the like, but you forget that Hitler dictated Mein Kampf while he was in jail and (presumably)planning his political takeover at the time, while writing it all in his book. Eventually everyone fell under his spell; because they believed in him or out of fear of the lies he spread after the World War. Mein Kampf is not so much fiction as it is partially historical, according to his views anyway, Twilight on the other hand… I doubt Meyer intends to take over the world with sparkly vampires, with the ideology behind Twilight, its nothing that is a world wide threat. In essence its stupid and juvenile, whatever beliefs Twilight fans tend to adopt because of these books is more their personal issue and not ours. If that offends you… then I have to question it. You can still enjoy what you deem as good literature even if Meyer based it loosely into her works.
Becky- right where I left off, I apply same to you. You say Twilight is a piece of shit, for the most part you’re right. I won’t argue with that, but you have to grasp on to your original notion. The book is for teenagers (… and some insecure female adults???
) Your interpretation of the book is what you interpreted it as, and you’re right. From the summarized version I read of all four books I came to the same conclusion. However, its not a supporting method, Meyer is not influencing anyone to do such things. That is more of a personal issue for the individual that wants to believe it; which, as I said before… if you are worried for your future kids or the next generation growing up with this book I have to question it. Its highly unlikely that the world will be a stupid place because they read Twilight… it won’t make an impact on future generations, trust me. If Hitler’s book hasn’t brought a reincarnation of the SOB already, then Twilight is insignificant on an influential and intellectual basis. Besides… didn’t Romeo and Juliet defy their families to be together? and they were what 14, 15? the difference being, Shakespeare knew how to portray young love OF THE PERIOD, and honestly its more appealing and realistic. Twilight is make-believe, those who argue with me on that fact… clearly they need some good shock therapy to bring them back to reality. Eh… I’m more of a Hamlet fan myself, but I digress.
Point of these Twilight books is that its a cheesy poorly written romance story, only with teenagers. Modern teenagers, mind you; and sadly… these damn teenagers do exist. Sappy corny type love. Their love is bland with no excitement, their issues are really immature ones that can be handled with yes or no answers. Their longing for each other drags on… Meyer failed to provide a mature realism of love. Although, amidst all this mediocrity, it has entertainment value, like cheap thrills from a slasher film. You don’t praise it or recommend it, but you don’t condemn it. You just don’t read it or acknowledge its existence if it is that bad for you.
… oh yeah, great article by the way.
Hi. I’m here for the gangbang.
Derek – How dare you compare Mein Kampf with Twilight!!!
They are in no way the same, one is the ramblings of a crazy person and the other is Hitlers feelings.
“Young people will go back to watching reality shows about midgets like normal people.” lol
Not only do I agree with the words in this article, but I have read Twilight and watched the first movie, and decided that was educating myself enough about it. Then I went back to catching up on Oscar Wilde. I’ve read the entire Anne Rice collection of vampire books, as well as the Sleeping Beauty series. I’ve read Dracula 3 or 4 times. I’ve read Wuthering Heights as well as most any classic literature you can mention, and when I want to read some less stimulating stuff I read VC Andrews or the Sookie Stackhouse stuff, or Garth Nix, or Stephen King – ’cause I love to read for fun and devoting 2 or 3 days to a book is fun. But by the time I was done reading Twilight, I couldn’t read for a while. Twilight was so boring that I had to push my way through it and it kind of ruined reading for me. The “lavish” “plot” was ostentatious to say the least. I don’t read Harlequin novels for a reason, and that was worse than the Harlequin novels I did read as a teen. It was SMUT. Unrealistic, “let’s say it’s cool to fall for the bad guys” smut. I do NOT want teenagers romanticizing falling in love with dangerous guys that sneak in their windows at night.
It’s disgusting to see grown women with kids in love with this. Grow up. My entire world as a wife and mom is being in school, working, cooking new and exciting meals, hanging out with my son, and getting some reading done. I go out to visit my mom or my husband’s family, and once in a while we go out on a date or a camping trip. And I’m much younger than most of the Twilight-obsessed moms. It’s so gross to see a 40-year-old woman obsessing over a 17-year-old boy. Ewwww. Hell, it’s gross to me to see a 22-year-old mother obsessed with a 17-year-old boy. Maturity… I don’t know. I’ve not thought 17 year olds looked masculine enough since I was 16. Maybe that’s why I’m married to a man that would beat the tar out of any of these pansy boys.
I feel bad for poor Robert Pattinson. He’s stated he’s not romantic at all and really is nothing like Edward. Poor guy wants a REAL career… and I doubt he’ll get it. He’ll have to lean on being Edward forever because at least those girls will buy his record. Most others will be afraid to get lumped in with a stereotype of teenage girls if they even listen to his music.
“Stephenie Meyer had never visited the place when she wrote Twilight, and didn’t take the time to do a Google Map search and find out that driving to Seattle takes far longer than the ‘2 hours’ she gave in the books, even if you drive like a vampire.” Did YOU do a Google Map search? It takes 3 hours… is that “far longer” than 2 hours?
[maps.google.ca]
Thank god I seem to be at the age of which the brainwashing messages of the book don’t work. I have to say I like Twilight because whenever me and my boyfriend walk into a store and two idiot girls are getting their panties wet over it he looks at me and I can see him thinking “Thank god I have someone intelligent, I love you”.
Men should appreciate Twilight for easily pointing out the future whining spiteful bitches. It even gave them paraphernalia for easy identification and subsequent avoidance. If that’s not enough for you just know that this’ll be the last generation of them as you can’t get pregnant from an Edward printed pillow, though I am worried about the possibility of wolves getting molested in zoos.
Look y’all don’t haft to call us twitardz cuz y’all are the dumb ass bitches who didn’t even read twilight and just are sayin that twww probaly read one page and said this book iz stupid or picked it up and thought ugh itz to heavy well wat thiz book does that it helpz kids imagination and the people who don’t really read likez it and want to read more bookz like thiz like the vampire diaries or fallen and read bookz that are realated to twilight … When I wax readin these commetz I just wanted to commit on theses people who hate twilight so why can’t y’all just leave us alone y’all haterz cuz twilight iz the best thing that happened to us so fuck all if y’all who hate twilight cuz some. Of y’all are just jealus cuz probaly yeww didn’t undertand it so all of y’all who love twilight keep on reading cuz I read 1 book in 2 day z and finished the whole series in 5 days I’m really not lien guess also one of those twilight people and those who like twilight DONT LISTEN TO THOSE RETARDZ WHO DONT LIKE TWILIGHT
WOW…Aliy just Epitomized the prime example of a twitard *slow claps* reading these comments gave me a great laugh, but The books were trash, the movies were garbage, and the fact that all of the actors can’t wait to fulfill contractual obligations and get this shit behind them..tells you how “good” and “life altering” this tripe truly is.
安藤 , “I doubt Meyer intends to take over the world with sparkly vampires, with the ideology behind Twilight, its nothing that is a world wide threat”
What she is doing is inserting her particular worldview, which is based on a notably patriarchal religion, into the lives of impressionable teenage girls. She’s encouraging them to give up their identity to be with a man, to accept controlling, stalker-ish behavior as ‘romantic’ and to view becoming a wife and mother as the be-all end-all goal in a woman’s life, even if she risks her own health and safety in the process. Plus, there’s that whole creepy ‘falling in love with an infant’ aspect to the story. I read the books. I was directed to them by some of my fellow Potter fans. I found them entertaining enough, but pretty sad. I let my teen daughter read them along with me, and she became a bit of a fan at first (this was before the first movie came out and the fandom exploded), but the last book changed it for both of us. I’m glad that it gave me the opportunity to talk to her about remaining true to yourself and not throwing your life away for a boy. I just worry about those whose parents support this without any caution. Heaven help the girls of the ‘Twilight generation.’ I suspect that the abuse shelters will be full of women saying, “But he was really, really good looking and he looooooved me! I thought he was my Edward!”
Biden is from DE
I agree with everything on this list, BUT… Fight Club (the novel and movie) both took place in Delaware. And, obviously, Fight Club > Twilight
Hahahaha, bravo Aliy. That was an epic piece of trolling, yet none took the bait. It’s a shame.
I feel really bad for the people whose names are Bella or Edward. And I wish some real vampires would just kill these…. sparkling fairies!
I am a firm believer that in the right hands, any idea can work. Unfortunately, though Stephenie Meyer may have some rather… interesting ideas, she clearly lacks the ability to write a clear and concise story.
And as much as I don’t like the idea of vampires that “sparkle”, vampires are fictional, and can have whatever attributes the writer wants. Meyer’s version of a vampire doesn’t change more classic tales. You could even pretend they’re just a specific type of vampire and that over in Europe, there are badasses with claws murdering the shit of people / each other.
FUCK SHIT ASS CUNT WHORE MOTHERFUCKING SPARKLY FAGGOT TWILIGHT
I agree with this article. I’ve seen the first two movies because I wanted to see what all the hype is about, and honestly, I don’t get what all the fuss is about. In my opinion, the movies just weren’t that good. But, I don’t think it’s fair to bash others who have different thoughts and ideas about twilight. Having an opinion about a subject is one thing, but to insult those who enjoy twilight is a waste of everybody’s time. All I ever hear nowadays are people jabbering about all hatred they have for those who are different. I was in line the other day when out of nowhere I hear a male, who bluntly announced “Guys in tight-ass jeans are ugly as fuck” to some innocent passerby who apparently wore male skinny jeans. Completely obnoxious. Whatever happened to acceptance and tolerance? We need to focus our anger and disappointment towards more important issues ie jobs/homelessness, college tuition, the government/politics! (I know someone is dying to add twilight to the list of important issues.) Finally, isn’t it more effective to teach our youths about what’s more important instead insulting them for the things we disapprove of? Backlash anyone?
I just feel bad for Twilight fans because as a Harry Potter fan, I definitely know how it feels when people say they “hate” me and disrespect me just because I like Harry Potter.
Honestly people, u can write what you want u can say what you want its a free country. I have no quarl with anyone here. I think its funny that people talk shit about people who love Twilight. I also think its funny that people who who love Twilight talk shit about the people who talk shit about them. Everytime someone writes, says, or does somthing people pick sides. wether it be religon or a movie people will talk shit thats how wars are started and thats how arrguments are made if you just all shut the hell up and focuse on somthing other then this crap we would all get along. and yes I made typos im not perfect. Thank u and have a nice day
It also ruined my favorite series about Lestat<3 and my best friend!Shes one of those MLIT, personally Im sad about this…poor MLIT, good luck finding a sparkly blood-sucking boyfreind! oh, and lestat de lioncrest is WAY better than Edward
Shit book series for fat haggard broads
Boring. This film series has not ruined anything I care about. And if you were an adult, you would see that as well. Near Dark is the same great movie it always was. Bronte is still great literature no matter what the cover is. And the state of Washington will be more remembered for Bill Gates and Coffee then it will for Twilight. Most mature people have more valid things on their minds. As should you.
Agree completely. Stephanie Meyer, who’s writing is worse than a teenager’s, has a lot to answer for.
Well, in actual fact, if they write such an article, it means that the question posed to “spoil a Twilight something or not?”
The question itself is rhetorical. That is how many views – so many answers.
Now I do not think Twilight is something awry, and I did Washington do not associate with them. The only thing that is associated with them – it’s Rob Pattinson and Forks, yes. But this can not be called corrupt. Somehow, I think this was a great PR for Forks .. oh yes! It seems to me that because it’s fucking Hollywood.
And my point is, again, in my view, an objectively. Because:
1. I live in Russia, and I find it easier to judge the associations in other countries (it is also the second paragraph)
3. I’m not fan of this saga, and not antifan