So rarely does the opportunity arise to stand in front of a municipal council and tell your elected officials what your deep concerns are for the community. Respectively, so rarely does that same opportunity allow you the chance to make a complete ass of yourself, appear as insanely paranoid as humanly possible and/or give the impression that you haven't left the basement in over a year. When you're only allotted three whole minutes to express your most passionate concerns, one must work particularly hard to stretch that saltwater taffy into 15 minutes of glorified fame.
In the videos that follow, we'll check out the best of the worst in epic City Council fails; individuals who went above and beyond the call of duty to represent themselves in the most entertaining public light possible. Thanks to the immortality-granting powers of the YouTube community, these asinine clips shall forever stand as testaments to the power of democracy -evidence that when you're granted the right of free speech, it in no way means that you're obligated to say anything even remotely coherent. And you know what? That's alright with me, because God knows we all need a really good laugh from time to time.
The Rouge Helicopter Pilot Epic Fail:
Ah yes, one of my personal favorites. And really, what's not to love about an overly eccentric member of the community who just wants to figure out who the rouge helicopter, that attacked his house, was being driven by? There are some questions out there that mankind may just never know: Is Jimmy Hoffa really buried under that end zone? Was 2003's Gigli movie really that bad? And finally, WHO THE HELL WAS THAT IN THE WHITE HELICOPTER SHAKING MY HOUSE?!?!
The Epic Fart Fail:
Immature, tasteless and yet undeniably timeless. If this clip were a fragrance, that first sentence would wrap around its bottle like your mother's oversized lingerie on an anatomy skeleton. It's a simple equation: Put a fart into any YouTube clip and the next ten minutes practically write themselves. Even during the mundane excitement of a City Council meeting, it's good to know that a well placed fart can bring people together. I vote in support of more gas -all those in favor, please armpit queef.
The Reverse Racism Epic Fail:
Unbridled passion has a tendency to express itself unapologetically. Sometimes that expression is...um, expressed through dance or song, painting or acting -and then sometimes that passion seeps forth in the form of a racist-fueled verbal assault. Apples and oranges, to each their own, I suppose.
The Epic "That Guy" Fail:
Okay, so this guy is basically a borderline Council member at this point. He's got enough City Council appearances on YouTube to merit at least some kind of recognition -if not for the sheer number of meetings he's attended, this guy should be given a button that says "most difficult train of thought to follow". Listening to this guy is like trying to track a lion, at a rave, using one of those water finding sticks you'd rip off a tree. Yet, even amidst the incoherent ramblings of this gentleman, it's hard to deny the man has moxie...or brain damage. Or moxie.
Epic "That Guy" Episode II: The Epic Who's Gonna' Plow My Street Fail:
The Sh--ty News Station Epic Fail:
Because nothing makes an awkward City Council fail even more awkward than having a crappy imitation news station deliver it. While I understand that we all can't have the poise and delivery of the great Cronkite, these two anchors somehow manage to make the thought of an uneventful City Council meeting sound like a hopeful alternative.
The Epic Drama Class Backhand Assault Fail:
Every once in a while, we're granted the special opportunity to steal the spotlight from someone else; to yank the proverbial attention rug out from beneath them. Sometimes this moment of selfishness follows years of training and preparation -but then again- sometimes it follows a podium delivery where the speaker smacks you in the back of the head, as they saunter past. Extra points awarded for the added flailing and dramatic tumble our assaulted victim executes. Oh, I'm sorry, did I say "assaulted victim"? What I meant to say was "Emmy Award-winning actress". Thank you.
The Epic Venus vs. Mars Fail:
These two: you gotta' love 'em. You know, sometimes I just wish that people would get a room. As if the setting of a City Council gathering wasn't already smokey enough with the sexy fumes of pantsuits, the two individuals from this next clip just can't seem to keep from sending one another romantic smoke signal after romantic smoke signal. My only gripe is that there's no actual footage of the love making. Dang.
The Epic 4 White Guys Vs. 1 Black Guy Fail:
While this bonus clip certainly doesn't pertain to a City Council meeting, I think we can all agree it still warms our hearts. Apparently, in a court room, it takes about four dudes and a stun gun to bring down one seated guy who can only kick with one foot. Also, apparently it then takes wrapping some kid of diaper around his head to make him look like the least intimidating version of Hannibal Lecter incarnate. Crazy kids, I tell you.
So perhaps we've had it wrong all along: Being an active member of a community doesn't necessarily mean you plant trees or work soup kitchens. Sometimes, all it takes is driving downtown on a Monday night, sitting uncomfortably amongst your peers and waiting for the opportunity to speak the most honest three minutes of your life. Then again, sometimes it's just about letting that freak flag fly. Thank you for your civic