History is Just Like Us! Famous Photographs Recast.

It’s sad how ignorant most Americans are of historical events, and how collectively dumb we’re getting as a society.  The other day my friend told me she read somewhere that 112% of Americans couldn’t identify the US on a map of North America.  I’m not sure where she read that and I didn’t look it up because I had some stuff to do, but still, pretty outrageous.  I might even start a Facebook group about it.

Strangely and possibly ironically, even as our knowledge of history declines, we’ve experienced an almost commensurate rise in our desire to see pictures of minor celebrities eating ham sandwiches or cleaning up dog poop.  “If only we could somehow get people as interested in history as they are in Heidi Montag pulling her underwear out of her butt crack,” many a history teacher has thought while looking down some bimbo’s shirt.  And that’s why I have used the magic of Photoshop to incorporate the kind of pictures dumb people enjoy into the kind of historical photographs they should know.  Too long has a knowledge of history been the exclusive domain of the elite, the intellectually curious.  What about the great grunting majority?  The willfully ignorant?  The slack-jawed asswipes?  At long last, historical photographs for all, especially you, asswipe.

And by that I mean yes, this is all just an excuse to make more of my juvenile Photoshops.  Oh, Sad Keanu.  I can’t quit you.

(click to enlarge, for the full experience)

Among the many false allegations leveled at the Jews of Warsaw’s ghettos was that they were “smelly pirate hookers.”

See?  East Berlin wasn’t THAT bad.  Don’t believe me?  Well, why don’t you go ask your friend Billy Zane.  He gets free anytime minutes.

Reactions to the burning monk differed.  Tobey Maguire was horrified, but mainly because they used the gas from his car.

Jack Ruby’s revolver was no match for a James Bond photobomb.

Most people didn’t have much of an appetite, but JFK’s funeral had a hell of a spread.

A natural reaction to a surprising report.

Unfair rationing was just one of the many unpleasantries of life in the concentration camps.

We all know war is hell, but Leo knows having a bad attitude about it will only make things worse.

A lot of people don’t know this, but Nic Cage actually went back in time and appeared to Che Guevara in his acid flashbacks.

Brett Ratner at Kent State.  The Rat Man isn’t too into politics, too busy making deals.

Self explanatory.

Silly Kilmer, wetsuits aren’t for astronauts.

Tobey Maguire made some important points at the Yalta Conference.

Abu Ghraib was James Cameron’s kind of party.

Aw crap, this is racist, isn’t it.  Do me a favor, forget I made this one.