*Disclaimer* I traded in my copy of Photoshop for a hot meal and this cool dragon necklace, which I have already lost.
My grandpappy always used to say that the key to success is to constantly keep an eye out for new opportunities and not be afraid to strike when the time is right. Of course, he was referring to mugging people in dark alleys with a concealed banana masquerading as a gun, but I found that his words apply even to life’s many non-criminal endeavors. Thus, taking gramps’ wisdom to heart, I decided now’s the perfect time to strike at the very scrotum of modern pop culture and make my name known for generations to come. That’s right: I designed my own video game!
I’d love nothing more than to congratulate myself on how clever and incredibly well endowed I am, but when you really think about it the idea seems painfully obvious. What’s one of the best selling games for the PlayStation? The God of War Series. One of the hottest DVDs this year? Percy Jackson & The Olympians. How much did the Clash of the Titans remake gross at the theaters? Nearly half a billion, Zeus H. Christ, dollars. And finally, do you know what binds all of those franchises together? Yup! They are all very horrible!
Relax GoW fanboys. We kid because we love you.
But seriously, it’s obviously the fact that they all base themselves on Greek mythology, even if they do take a certain amount of liberties with their source material (that amount being humongoriffic). When I realized that, I immediately thought to myself: “Hey, I own a book on Greek mythology and I have absolutely no qualms about disrespecting ancient religions, so maybe I too could be filthy rich?” The answer was obviously “Yes.” Here’s what I had in mind:
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/cosplay-tmnt-krang-03-party-krang-costume-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/corridor-shot1-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/10/gammasquadapotheon-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/08/godofwar-kratos-150x150.jpg)
If God of War, Prince of Persia, percy and the Olympians, and all the other things that apparently pissed you off enough to write this article were aimed at experts in ancient religions/society, then they obviously would have tried harder to make it more accurate. Most people into these things don’t care about the facts behind it. I, on the other hand, was inspired to look up the myths and stories about the things they are based on, and guess what?? I didn’t lose my mind like you. Relax man.
Co to jest!? A cracked article? I’m use to clever and semi-informative articles on uproxx =/ I’m sorry my polish bro but these are games.. They tend to be less accurate than scifi lit and cinema combined
GoW series horrible? What?
The actual myths are just as violent and melodramatic as the games. Playing them actually spurned my interest in them.
しっかりしろ！この爺～
*spurred, that is
I will take this article way too seriously, as well! Making fun of Greek mythology and/or my beloved video games is verboten! Die in Hades!
…Satire is dead, apparently.
With all the games companies screaming about there “intellectual property” getting stolen or used with there permission or cut i find it hypocritical that they don’t share some of the profits with cash strapped Greece for using Greek intellectual property in there games and movies.
If any arguments are about how old these intellectual properties are and how these companies should be able to use them for free because of how old i say how many years then will it be before the games/movies become free to all to be used? If left up to the companies it will be never.
Jason: well, there is “public domain” and many movies/works are in it. And with modern PD laws, when or if a work of art enters public domain depends entirely on the creator.
Everything enters the public domain in anywhere from 50-70 years. Seeing as how the civilizations of ancient Greece and Rome have been gone for well over 500 years I think everything about it is in the public domain now.