Lionsgate just released the new trailer for the Conan the Barbarian remake, starring Baywatch Hawaii wunderkind Jason Momoa and Ron I’m-in-every-genre-movie Perlman. Additional gossip fact for the ladies: Momoa has two children with former Cosby Show actress Lisa Bonet, the youngest named “Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa.” GRRR, VOWELS! Not to mention the rare first-name hyphen. Looks like you just got served, last-name hyphenated people. Your hippie parents must be so embarrassed.
Conan opens August 19th, and it was directed by Marcus Nispel, of Pathfinder and Friday the 13th remake fame, so it’ll probably be really good (*armpit fart to indicate sarcasm*). Incidentally, Marcus Nispel looks like this:
…and Jason Momoa looks like this:
…so I imagine a lot of their conversations began with “Whoa, bro.”
Anyway, I know I’ve been calling him “Conan the Samoan” because it rhymes (he’s actually half Hawaiian), but the truth is, I couldn’t care less whether Conan is played by a white dude (or is played by anyone at all, for that matter). The incredibly complex plot is that of a man who walks around the desert whacking people with his giant sword, which is clearly a Freudian stand-in for his dong (isn’t everything?). So I guess the bigger question is: shouldn’t it be a black guy? I say yes. But what do I know? I’m just a guy who would enjoy watching a black guy whack people with his dong.
I want more like this!
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