As I’ve mentioned, I attended the AVN Awards – also known as the Oscars of porn – in Las Vegas over the weekend, and I’ll have your full write up as soon as I’m un-hungover enough to write it (I blame Colin Kaepernick and his inconsistent accuracy down the stretch). In the meantime, I bring you news of the only AVN award that really matters to the sex-pun loving FilmDrunk readership, the clever title award. For which the nominees were:
Cirque du Hole-A, Seymore Butts/Pure Play
Cray Cray Vajayjay, Black Storm/Monarchy/Vantage
Come on Mom, Zero Tolerance Entertainment
Cream Filled Japanese Fur Burgers, Third World Media
Gag Gift, Red Light District/Pulse
Gone Black … Not Coming Back, Sticky Video
London Bitches Falling Down, Porno Dan/Pure Play
Look Dad, I’m in Porn!, Team Skeet/Pulse
Misleadeing Teenagers Into Anal Sex, Anal Industries/Juicy
My Hairy Sugar Walls, AMK Empire/Exile
My Pussy Ain’t Gonna Lick Itself, Hustler Video
Pump’r in the Dumper, Pink Visual/Pulse
Slut Bottom Chris Meets the Prostate Assassins, Severe Society Films
Trustfund Trannies, SMC/Pulse
Vags With Badges, Lethal Hardcore/Pulse
They’re all winners in my heart, especially London Bitches Falling Down. But according to the official AVN tally, the winner was Seymore Butts’ Cirque du Hole-A. Fittingly, the winner was the only nominee to have been a guest on the FilmDrunk Frotcast. Let this be a lesson to pornographers everywhere.
The synopsis for Cirque du Hole-A, which stars the very talented Mari Possa, Jayda Diamonde, Riley Evans, Joslyn James, Phoenix Marie, Jada Stevens, and Cece Stone, goes as follows:
Seymore Butts Presents: The Greatest Buttholes On Earth. Witness the amazing pogo-dick trick! You’re the class clown if you miss this one! Anal acrobatics! Ferocious pussies tamed! Sphinctacular stunts!
I find the best way to tame a ferocious pussy is with a bullwhip and a wooden chair, but only after you’ve agreed on a safe word. Mine’s “McConaughey.” Congratulations, Seymore.
I want more like this!
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