If the Lost season premiere last night confused you (shocking), maybe you should brush up on what happened the first five seasons. Last Sunday The Reduced Shakespeare Company performed a ten minute summary, “Lost Reduced”, for an audience of competition winners in London, and the video is online now.
The introduction was given via satellite by Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse, pictured above with a polar bear (I like to imagine his name is Percival). I can go one further than this video and sum up all five seasons with an eight word excerpt:
“All your questions will be answered.”
“Really?”
“No.”
True story: way back in the second season, my cousin called me to tell me his cousin was going to be on the show. I wasn’t familiar with Lost at the time [knowing only vodka and Rollercoaster Tycoon, because I'm baller], so I asked, “What’s the show about?” After a long pause, he said, “Just f*cking watch it, okay?”
[Sky1 via Fark, banner picture via Damon, Carlton and a polar bear]
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Please allow me – someone who’s never seen the show and can’t dedicate 10 minutes to what is surely a great and humorous summary – to explain what I think this show is all about.
A plane crashes on an island. Weird shit happens that turns every viewer into a retarded fountain of useless and off-track “insight” into the mind of a producer who is just fucking with everyone. In reality, they’re all dead and the viewer is simply being shown Abram’s assertion of what the afterlife is.
Wow, you’re the first person to ever voice that theory! Of course it’s the afterlife! Guess I don’t have to watch anymore now…
Stone Soup… fail
Awesome. I almost feel like a n00b again!
Dude, get it together. The island is clearly a Slaughterhouse 5-esque alien zoo. That’s why there are polar bears. Because aliens don’t understand climate.
Patty, I love you like an incestuous sister, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.
You just don’t get it.
*scoffs, goes back to writing Lost/BSG crossover fanfic*
*goes back to Buffy season 6… that’s where the fun is.*
And why the fuck would they pull Dollhouse?