Marvel has pretty thoroughly destroyed their curse when it comes to feature films, but they’re owned by Disney, which means they’re going to do a full-on media assault…and most of it sounds, well, awful. Here’s what Marvel has hitting the small screen at some point:
- AKA Jessica Jones, based on “Alias”, and also featuring Carol Danvers and Luke Cage, so we guess you can let go of any hope for a Luke Cage movie for now. Apparently it’s going to be a drama about Jessica “putting her life back together.” Somehow, we doubt this one will include the…how do we put this?…family-unfriendly sexual tastes of Luke Cage.
- Hulk: apparently this will be totally unlike any take on the Hulk we’ve seen before, which is weird, since it’s about the early days of the Hulk, and it’s not like we haven’t seen that before. This one unfortunately sounds pretty bland, which is too bad since the first season of the ’70s show was actually really good and even bagged an Emmy.
- Cloak And Dagger:Yeah, these second-stringers are getting a TV show. Unfortunately, it already has two strikes: it’s being set in post-Katrina New Orleans for no explicable reason, and it’s going to be on ABC Family, which means if it’s remotely decent it’ll be dead in a week and if it’s terrible it’ll last for a decade. ABC Family thrives on being as bland and inoffensive as possible: their idea of a serious teen pregnancy plotline was two teenage boys fighting over who gets to marry the girl one of them knocked up.
- Mockingbird: This is being described as “Alias” (the TV show) meets “Felicity”. Yes, Bobbi is a college student in this one, who gets recruited by SHIELD.
- They’re doing a Glee ripoff starring Dazzler. OK, I made that one up.
The main problem with all of these shows is that they’re already on the air, just without Marvel heroes in them. It’s hard to see how throwing in a Marvel character is going to make these shows any better or different from what’s already on the air, and unless they’ve got the budget to make with the superhero action, they’re probably just going to blend in with the crowd.
Although that Dazzler show would be awesome. I’m available for pitches, Disney.
[ via the television men at Comics Alliance ]