Some superheroes just don’t have what it takes to make it as a movie star. They may work great on the printed page, but something about them keeps their movies from being as satisfying.
Of course, that’s not going to keep Hollywood from trying…and trying…and trying…
The Hulk
People like the Hulk because he’s a big green guy that smashes stuff. That’s really all there is to it. Unfortunately, smashing stuff is very expensive — even with a huge budget a Hulk movie can only afford a few minutes of Hulk being Hulk. As a result, a lot of time has to be spent on boring stuff like Bruce Banner’s childhood or Edward Norton looking angsty.
HULK, UH…meditate?
The Punisher
A good movie generally requires some sort of story arc — we want to see the characters grow, or at the very least achieve something meaningful by the end of the movie. There is no arc for the Punisher though. He’s just a guy who witnessed his family’s murder, went crazy and became a serial killer. There’s no growing, or happy ending for Frank Castle — killing the bad guys he’s currently after doesn’t really achieve anything aside from allowing him to move onto his next victims.
The Punisher works fine in a serial format like comic books. I could see a Punisher TV series on HBO or AMC being decent, but his movies always just feel underwhelming and pointless.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/3998/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/the-wolverine-38-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/general-zod-man-of-steel-1-150x150.png)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/gammasquadeuropareport-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/cccc170513-10-150x150.jpg)
Eh, I disagree with the Superman because I there think is pretty much one simple key to making a decent Superman movie nowadays: let him punch someone.
Honestly I thought Superman Returns was all right, it wasn’t amazing but there was some pretty good elements in there. The one thing that annoyed the hell out of me though was that Superman didn’t actually fight a single person the entire movie. Give him a villain on his level physically where we can have a few epic super hero fights (see the climax of Chronicle for a good example) and you could pull it off.
They just need to let Michael Bay make a Superman movie. I’d love to see Supes fight giant robots and get tossed through buildings in 3D (see the last hour of Transformers 3 for a good example). Just make that shit a visual spectacle.
I think I disagree with it all, this leaves me with Batman and what…Wonder Woman? Aquaman?!? This is insanity.
Batman, Iron Man, Spider-Man — there’s lots that have worked.
You could not be anymore right about Wolverine. That’s just wrong.
In descending order.
1&2) Absolutely correct about Hulk and Punisher. When done properly their one notes are great. But they’re still just one notes.
3) Potentially wrong about the team movie. The theoretical notes are in place for why that line of thinking is sound and in most cases it probably is. But the way to obviate those concerns is to put the right creative person in charge of it. A passionate fanboy with a cogent vision who has enough clout to more or less do what he wants. Both with the talent and the money guys. I’ve kidded for a while that The Avengers is sure to have an unnaturally strong and precociously glib little girl in it because it is Whedon. But he fits those other bills. Plus there’s the advantage that he doesn’t need to waste any time with origin stories as we know everything we need to about all of the major players. Probably right about Captain and Widow though. for budget reason.
4) Wolverine. He is generally neutered on screen, very true. But that doesn’t HAVE to be a character killer in itself. some of his best moments as a character both onscreen and in his books come with the claws sheathed. his relationship with Xavier in the movie and his affection for the kids in the books humanize him. which I think is more interesting than the berserker stuff. maybe not visually but as far as story is concerned.
5) Superman. Superman is actually most interesting when the potential for his corruption is examined , I think. which is the only way you possibly can tell a modern Superman story. the rest is already done. On the plus side, the word is that this new one seems strong. I remain cautiously optimistic.
anyone who made it through this bullshit, here’s me thanking you for sticking it out. thank you for sticking it out.
I dunno man, The Avengers is *not* looking promising to me. In fact it’s embodying another problem Team Movies often have that I didn’t list — they spend all their money hiring heroes for the team, so there’s nothing left to hire villains. The result often being that there’s only one or two villains for this entire team of heroes to fight, usually played by not particularly great actors. It’s usually not that compelling — of course this team of 6 guys should beat the 1 guy.
I mean, maybe I’ve missed something, but do we have any idea yet who the Avengers are going to be going up against? Aside from Loki?
Nate: CGI Aliens.
Oh, great.
I’m a fanboy. I wish I could be more objective. but The Avengers looks like it might be great, to me.
Of course, so does the new Spiderman. So maybe I’m high.
So, you don’t think the Avengers will be good because it’s 6 heroes against one or two bad guys, but when you find out the Avengers will be fighting an invading horde of aliens, that doesn’t make you any more enthusiastic? I don’t understand that.
A mindless horde isn’t a particularly compelling antagonist. Would you be jazzed if the next Batman movie was just him punching 500 purse snatchers?
I would have preferred Loki initiating a war vs. Asgard, and have Surtur, the Enchantress, Skurge, Balder, Hela, etc show up.
I disagree with the Wolverine because, unlike the others which cannot work due to the limitations of the charcters themselves, Wolverine absolutely could work IF the studios would ever allow it to happen. I agree that the chances of that happening are extremely thin, *but* you could make a Wolverine movie as a hard R without needing a PG-13 budget, whereas Superman, team movies and the Hulk could not ever be made for anything close to an R budget.
team movies? what about x-men? or x2?
and there were two good superman movies.
oh, and that last punisher movie kicked ass.
otherwise… good list?
Ok, I’m with you on Superman. Hollywood just needs to let that one go.
As far as the Punisher and Hulk I must disagree. I thought The Incredible Hulk was fantastic. I loved the fugitive angle and how they really played up the scienist side of Banner. I thought the movie was so strong overall that I didn’t mind the Hulk looking a video gamey.
Now when it comes to the Punisher, I thought Lexi Alexander nailed it with War Zone. It was a MAX comic come to life, plain and simple. Plus Ray Stevenson IS Frank CastIe. know Marvel Studios want their own crack it (which is fine by me) but they should really bring back Lexi and the entire crew back for it.
I agree one hundred percent on this. Only thing I think was a bummer was how neutered they were by the studios. They still pulled off one hell of a MAX comic. As close as they will ever come I’m sure to what I was hoping for from a Garth Ennis Punisher movie/tv show
The first Hulk movie is a classic.
No, I’m not being ironic. I sincerely believe that.
The Eric Bana one??
I agree. I genuinely enjoyed it. It’s a little slow at times, but I’m not sure why there is so much hate surrounding it.
CO-sign I never quite understood the hate thrown it’s way. It seems to me there is some mythical balance between action and character development that people pine for, and if it doesn’t meet their expectations the movie is utter crap. Don’t get me wrong I can acknowledge flat out bad movies, but for the most part for any movie I watch I suspend my disbelief. Maybe I’m just easy to please, but enjoy the entertainment for what it is. All art doesn’t need to move you to some transcendental plane of enlightenment.
/end rant
Ha, I thought that was the whole reason…
“Okay, the first Christopher Reeve Superman movie was good. Unfortunately that movie has cast a shadow over the entire franchise ever since.”
I’m assuming you know that his career is currently overshadowed by something else at this point, right? Just checking to make sure you know he’s dead.
WHAT?!