“Battleship” is rapidly becoming the summer’s big negatively buzzed about movie, and for fairly good reason: it looks ridiculous.
Which is why I, as an overeducated film snob who loves complicated French dramas and Japanese samurai movies, am going to have my ass parked in a seat at a theater, opening day, to see this movie. Possibly with a foam finger as Robo has politely suggested.
Why? Why would I want to see this when it looks absolutely awful?
Well, I’ve got my reasons: as you may have guessed, I’ve got five of them.
#5) Peter Berg’s Directing
Peter Berg has yet to make a truly awful movie. “The Kingdom” could have been more thoughtful considering it was set in the Middle East, but “Friday Night Lights” is one of the best and most honest movies about football and high school ever made, “The Rundown” is a gleefully funny ’80s action movie, and even “Hancock”, as weak as the closing act is, is well-directed.
So, really, if anybody can make a movie this ridiculous worthwhile, it’s him.
#4) Liam Neeson Is In It
So sue me, I’m a Liam Neeson manwhore. The truth is, even when Liam Neeson is in an awful movie, he’s always fun to watch. This is a guy who managed to overwhelm George Lucas in “Episode I” and deliver a decent performance. Yes, he’s here for the paycheck, but so what? He’ll still earn every penny.
#3) I’ve Got To See How They Try and Sell Rihanna As a Navy Badass
Seriously, if there was ever a role that screamed “Let’s cast Michelle Rodrigu-what do you mean she turned us down?!”, it’s this. Rihanna is a painful bit of miscasting, but it promises to be painfully funny.
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You may enjoy,
“Skeleton Man” in which a helicopter is shot down with a bow and arrow.
“Cyborg Cop” especially when a man is decapitated by the back wheel of a dirt bike.
and my personal favorite,
“Enter the Ninja”
Also, every single Twilight movie.
“Enter the Ninja” is goddamn hilarious. Ever see “Lady Terminator”? Sheer unintentional brilliance.
I have never heard of the movie but I’m sure it’s 10 times better than the last piece of crap directed by that McG moron.
I will see it because of Liam. My wife and I love his work…even though it was a little voring watching him honey badger his way into a wolves lair in the Grey.
And who knows, it might be awesome. Let’s face it, Battleship could use some good press since the “You Sunk My Battleship” Killing Spree of 2009.
*boring
Yarp.
Oh boy oh boy Danny boy if you like shite movies you gotta see ANTFARM DICKHOLE!
Seriously tho, this exists…
[www.amazon.com]
Eh, I’m not a big fan of “ironically” shitty movies. Accidentally awful, though, brilliant.
Oh man not even ironically shitty.
Just supremely mega-shitty. Like your fat semi-retarded shirtless neighbor just figured out how his camcorder works and got some drunk chicks from that shitty bar on the corner to make an “independent movie” shitty.
In other words I only watched the first 5 min and then giggled for an hour that Amazon sells something called Antfarm Dickhole.
A real good-bad movie? Dr Detroit with Dan Ackroyd.
If I wanted to waste 20 bucks on something that might be so bad its funny, I’d go see Vince try to open for Bamford on Saturday
[www.youtube.com]
I genuinely like Showdown in Little Tokyo. And all 3 Universal Soldier movies and the 3 Starship Trooper movies. I heard from some guy that there was a cartoon/anime of starship troopers. Is this a true story?
Yarp.
[www.amazon.com]
The first “Starship Troopers” is actually a really good movie once you realize Paul Verhoeven saw right through Heinlein’s self-righteous B.S. and is calling it like he sees it. Then there’s “Total Recall”, a movie I’m never not in the mood to see.
I like how Dan was honest enough to not call this “Five Good Reasons…”
“Five Good Reasons…” sounds like the title of some horrifically unfunny sitcom that would be shown on CBS.
“Peter Berg has yet to make a truly awful movie.”
I present the oft forgotten: Very Bad Things ([www.imdb.com])
Gotta be honest, that one grows on me every time I accidentally stumble onto it on cable.
i agree with everything in the article
“The Room”, “Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky”, and “Toxic Avenger”. I also really enjoy “Black Dynamite”. As for some great “before they were famous” ones: Schwarzenegger: Hercules in NY. Stallone: Death Race 2000.
I was going to say that Bob Hoskins is actually a respected actor, but then I remembered everything he ever did after Mona Lisa. Also, if studios can cast Zoe Saldana as a bad-ass (who is like, 5 feet tall and about 90 pounds, soaking wet) then of course they can do it with Rihanna.