Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci are the big star screenwriters in Hollywood right now, because apparently once you write a really, really stupid movie that makes lots of money, you instantly know everything about screenwriting.
As we’ve previously reported, they’re all set to mangle “Spider-Man”, they’re in the process of turning “Star Trek” into “Star Wars”, and God only knows what beloved franchise will fall under their ravening jaws next.
Oh, wait, we do know. “Van Helsing”.
OK, this one we can’t get so worked up about. Honestly, we’re more confused they’re even considering this one. Granted, it wasn’t a total bomb, but the original was definitely a disappointment, and it’s not like it’s got this huge fan base screaming for more.
But, hey, if it keeps Kurtzman and Orci away from other franchises, we’re OK with it.
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I typically don’t mind most of the stuff they do as long as it doesn’t involve Michael Bay, but seriously?
I have never ever ever seen a person, or a pair of people, go further on less talent than these two asshats! Not the dicks who do the parody movies. Not Bay. Not Olivia Munn.
When can we, as a nerd/geek culture stop pandering to these condescending pricks who pander to us. We’re a legitimate segment of society. We don’t need the likes of these fools showing the rest of the world that we matter to be pertinent.
Van Helsing was terrible. A remake will be terrible. Fellow geeks! Stand up! Demand quality. Stop allowing yourselves to be 2nd class citizens. Turn off Big Bang Theory. Don’t watch this schlock. Treat us with respect and everyone else will HAVE TO.
To be totally, honest, if I had to choose between Orci and Kurtzman and Seltzer and Friedberg, I’d probably choose Orci and Kurtzman. I had to sit through all Seltzer and Friedberg movies. These are men who hate comedy and want to urinate in its bleeding face as it dies from the wounds they’ve inflicted on it.
I Dunno, 2004′s Van Helsing presents a pretty low bar. I’m just not sure they’ll be able to make a worse movie than that one and I don’t think they should try. I’d rather vote republican than watch a Van Helsing reboot.
I will say this: “Van Helsing” is stupid with a capital S, but it is at least aware that it’s stupid and doesn’t try to make us take it seriously. That’s really the one nice thing I can say about it.
Not so much out of ideas as too chicken to try anything new. Lots of scripts get floated around Hollywood but, now they generally just rehash the same crap over and over and over again. And they do it because they believe the general population are afraid of new things.