Event #4 – Dino Race

Off to a flying start…

Time to encourage my dinosaur the only way a caveman knows how — by inflicting massive cranial damage.

…aaannnd now my dinosaur is dead. Gronk may look thoughtful as he sits in the dirt near his dead friend, but trust me, he’s learnt nothing.

Event #5 – Fire Start

Coincidentally most of my Caveman Games slash fic starts with Gronk and Glunk sitting spread eagle, looking deeply into each others eyes while somebody grunts nearby.

The end of my club is the only thing you’ll be discovering today Crudla.

So, whoever starts a fire first in this game gets their face all blackened. The graphics are pretty bad, so it’s hard to tell, but I think this may be pretty racist.

Event #6 – Saber Race

So, in this one you have to run away from a saber toothed tiger. Too bad I killed the dinosaur I was riding before.

You can push your opponent down so the tiger can catch them. That blue blob is me being devoured.

“Would you like to play again? You have selected no.”

Final Verdict

Well, Caveman Games certainly has more loincloths and clubbing-based mechanics than your average Olympic-style sports game. Sure, it’s a bit blatant with the misogyny, and may even feature some racist imagery, but you have to remember, this game was a product of a different time. Back in 1988 I didn’t know a single kid that wasn’t involved in Mate Toss little league.

In the end, perhaps the best thing I can say about Caveman Games, is that it’s really raised my excitement for the real world Olympics. I mean, have you been following Clubbing? Gonna be super competitive this year.