The official synopsis for Cockneys vs Zombies goes, “A few London east-enders fight their way out of a zombie-infested downtown, led by an unlikely gang of amateur bank robbers and foul-mouthed plucky pensioners.” You had me at “foul-mouthed plucky pensioners”, but not before it. Zombies and bank robbers are played out, but I never get tired of old people swearing and wielding assault rifles. Yes, that is Alan Ford (Brick Top from Snatch) pictured above, and the old biddy with the gun below is Honor Blackman, a former Bondgirl.
The film opens with two scheming chavs finally making their big £1 million score, but there’s a hitch. They still have a cute hostage and, oh yeah, it’s the zombie apocalypse thanks to a mutated form of the bubonic plague unearthed in one of London’s ancient tombs. What good is £1 million when the city’s been quarantined and there’s no where to spend it? They scramble for places to hide out, including a nursing home full of foul-mouthed East London types.
It’s from Studio Canal, director Matthias Hoene, and writers James Moran (Severance) and Lucas Roche. Cockneys vs Zombies opens August 31st in the UK and premieres at Fantastic Fest in the US next month.
Check out the red band (NSFW) trailer below. The cockney rhyming slang is a bit forced, and they’re very self-consciously cockney, but it could still be fun. Bleeding Cool aptly retitled it What People From Coventry Think Cockneys Are Like Vs. Zombies.
[Sources: HeyUGuys, Quiet Earth, First Showing]
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England would be fucked sideways in a zombie attack. No one has guns. What are they going to do damage their brain stems with smarmy dialogue and rhyming insults… USA USA USA
As someone who currently lives in Amsterdam, I can totally atest that everyone in Western Europe would be totally fucked. If a zombie outbreak happened here I would make for the nearest former Soviet bloc member where AK’s are still plentiful.
Nothing like basing your country on a Zombie attack; you must be so proud of the amount of gun crime your country has to offer. As for the ‘No one has guns’ it’s a case of people do have guns….. only the people who need them;(farmers, armed police (when needed) and our military) there not used as a toy or bought from a local ‘super’ store.
Also how do you tell the zombies and cockney’s apart, they both stutter, shuffle about aimlessly and have horrible teeth.
You mean the way Americans are all fat, christian and stupid?
Stereotypes are fun!
In case of a zombie emergency, do not rely on a cockney for instructions on where to go.
“Run up apples and pairs to the cat and mouse then dog and bone the bottle and stopper.”
Ah, haven’t seen the Bionic Michelle Ryan in a while.
Killing zombies is played out, I want to see a more diplomatic approach. Hasn’t anyone ever tried having a sit down with the zombies over a nice cuppa and a nice digestive biscuit and settling our differences like dignified folks?
One thing that ALWAYS puzzles me about these types of movies based in London is, where the fuck are they getting all the hardware?!?!? They always boast about how they’re gun free, and the next time a zombie outbreak happens, suddenly old people have shotguns and AK-47s and fucking Uzis!! Were they all just hiding them in their teapots waiting for Z-Day?!?
Apart from that, this movie looks hilarious. I’m definitely going to go see it. It’s like Snatch meets Zombieland, and although I loved Shaun of the Dead, this movie looks more stylized and still manages to be hilarious.
How many times on the Walking Dead have they come to an overrun National Guard barricade, and never ONCE do they bother to pick up one of the 30 or so AR-15′s lying on the ground? THAT’S how many guns we have in the USA – too many to bother bending over! Yes!!