Bilbo’s Encounter With Gollum Can Easily Anchor An Entire Movie
It looks like the first movie won’t extend much beyond Bilbo’s adventures in the Misty Mountains and his first encounter with Gollum, which is fine by me. The scenes in the goblin tunnels and Bilbo’s outsmarting of Gollum are by far the best thing Tolkien ever wrote and he knew it — there’s a reason these chapters were used as the jumping off point for the entire Rings epic.
Where the hell are you going old man?
We’re Going To Get To See Where the F–k Gandalf Kept Running Off to All The Time
This annoyed me to no end as a kid — why does Gandalf keep leaving the party high and dry? Every time he left Bilbo and the dwarves alone, they’d end up almost eaten by ogres or something within minutes. Stop…wandering…off you old bastard.
Well, the good news is Jackson is using The Appendices from the back of Return of the King to help flesh The Hobbit out to three movies. A lot of The Appendices are devoted to describing what the f–k Gandalf was up to during his little disappearances. My inner 9-year-old will be very pleased to have this s–t finally explained.
Having More Room To Breathe Can Only Help the Final Third of the Story
The last third of The Hobbit always felt too abbreviated to me — suddenly we’re introduced to a bunch of humans we’re supposed to care about, then Smaug is killed out of nowhere, and in the book’s most infuriating bit of storytelling, Bilbo is knocked out and misses most of the big (kind of anti-climatic) final battle.
Hopefully the extra room afforded by a third movie will help Jackson develop the human characters and make the death of Smaug and the Battle of the Five Armies more epic.
Dwarves!
Dwarves!
F–k elves. To hell wizards and orcs. Dwarves are my Dungeons and Dragons race of choice, and yet they’re usually relegated to the background. The Scottish-accented comedy relief. But not in The Hobbit! This is a tale absolutely lousy with dwarves from beginning to end!
So many things are getting chopped with axes you guys — sooo many.
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I can’t wait. He could make it 12 movies and I’d be excited. I agree with you on all points.
You make a persuasive point, and for the first time since I heard about the third movie I’m feeling something other than apathy about this.
That said, very few of the dwarves we’ve seen seem to be packing proper axes. You could be in for some major disappointment there.
I have to echo this sentiment. These points never occurred to me. And it is a genuine relief to me to be able to be excited about these movies instead of exasperated.
Truly, thanks for the perspective reset.
Well, Dwarves hitting things with hammers is also acceptable.
all that could be dome it two movies and fuck you for being contrary. whatever its happening, but twelve months between each film? fuck that. they could do 6 months easy. these films already look way better, aesthetically, than lord of the rings. though.
and what the fuck man. frodo had the entire fucking world on his shoulders and a death sentence around his neck, he was just a kid. cut him some slack.
Eh, if I was in charge would I have made it two movies? Probably. Just saying, I don’t think things are going to be as bad as some are predicting, and that having three movies will actually benefit in some ways.
As for Frodo vs. Bilbo — yeah, Frodo had all this stuff thrust upon him and never let anyone forget it. Bilbo went to go steal a dragon’s treasure *just cuz*. Awesomeness advantage goes to Bilbo.
if anything, it makes bilbo a massive dick. stealin’ a poor dragon’s treasure just for a laugh. dude, needs pistol whippin’. THAT DRAGON FUCKING LOVED THAT TREASURE!!
Well, that’s true. We also never hear of any other dragon in Lord of the Rings or anything. Bilbo may have helped wipe out an endangered species. Which is still kind of badass.
Frodo was 50 years old. Hobbits age slower.
Been waiting and hoping that Peter Jackson would do the Hobbit. I sure it will be better then the Lord of the Rings….Can’t wait
wait, so was LotR bad? I always thought they were epic…
Oh please, everybody knows Dwarves are Welsh.
It’s worth it because it means Jackson won’t leave anything out, and I don’t have to hear Tolkien nerds whine about the necessity of Tom Bombadil.
Tom Bombadil is necessary, who else will represent the borderline pedophile in the movie?
…
“Borderline?”
The entire section of the book with Tom Bombadil was completely pointless. Literally, there was no reason for that section to exist at all unless the publishers were demanding a certain page count and Tolkien stuck that in there to make them happy.
I’m not really concerned about this, but I am concerned that if it is successful (and it will be), then when Hollywood reboots the Twilight franchise in about five years, the new series will be twelve movies long.
“Five”? You’re kidding, right? They’re turning that shit around in two.
They’re genetically engineering a pair even more mumbly and floppy than Kristen Steward and Robert Pattison as we speak.
If anyone needs me, I will be off busy writing a new Star Trek: TNG fanfiction about the adventures that LaForge and Data had when they got stuck in holodeck during a simulation of “The North American East Coast/West Coast Hologram Wars of the early 21st Century.”
Oh the one where the army of 2Pac holograms fought Biggie holograms and everybody was like, wtf is this I’m trying to drive to work and these battling holograms are (somewhat) blocking my visibility.
I agree with your points. There is actually so much extra information in the appendixes and extra books that they could actually make so many movies.
All I know is I’d rather spend 60 dollars to see 3 complete movies instead of 20 bucks of a summarized version.
Where the hell do you go that it costs $20 a ticket?
This is what happens when you go see a movie… with a lady.
i don’t know why but i really want there to be a scene where we see Bilbo’s great uncle creat the game of golf…. i think that would be funny..
Wow. Fantastic points. I couldn’t agree more about Bilbo vs Frodo. I just wish some of the dwarves didn’t look so…cartoonish. Gimli from the LOTR Trilogy looked fantastic. I wish they followed suit in the Hobbit.
I’d love to know who the fucking idiot was that thought “Hey this will make a great post! It’s not dumb at all, and definitely isn’t 1 billion percent wrong!” Because that guy or girl needs to go right ahead and fuck him or herself. This is beyond retarded.
This is ‘stop liking what i don’t like’ personified.
If only there was a really super obvious way to know who wrote this article! Then me and my pal Suckhole could give him/her a piece of our minds!
How dare someone have an opinion that differs from yours.
Dude, you sure have a strong opinion about…something!