We Need A New “Jaws”
Wacky, super powered henchmen were a staple, important part of old Bond movies. They took the pressure off the main villain — he could hang back waiting for his dramatic reveal at the end of the movie while the henchman handled the dirty work. Also the wacky henchmen made the action scenes that make up the bulk of most Bond movies more exciting. Bond wasn’t just fighting random thugs — he was going up against a giant with metal teeth! Or a guy with a cool knife hat! A sci-fi Bond would provide the perfect opportunity for the return of the wacky henchman.
Zero Gravity Sex Scenes
The zero gravity sex scene from Moonraker was pretty hilarious…
…but we can do better. We have to do better. There’s just too many good puns to be made. I mean, it’ll be tough, but I think we can top “I think he’s attempting re-entry”. Something about a rocket I’m thinking.
It’s Time For A Fun Bond Again
Again, don’t get me wrong, I’ve been enjoying the serious Daniel Craig Bond movies, but let’s be real — the Bond franchise hasn’t thrived for 50-years and 23 movies because it’s a gritty realistic take on the world of espionage. People like the series because it’s silly, funny escapism.
Lighten the hell up Daniel.
Sometimes the series has to dial back the goofiness a bit and ground itself again with a more serious entry, but it’s also important to just let Bond have a fun adventure now and then. If Craig doesn’t do at least one goofy Bond he’s in danger of being remembered in the same category as Timothy Dalton — a guy with some good Bond films, who nevertheless was kind of a wet blanket on the series.
What do you folks think? Should Bond blast off again? Heh. Blast off.
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I agree with your list, but Moonraker is like an Irish step dancing troupe using your testicles as a practice stage.
I think you’re forgetting the hovercraft gondola chase scene.
Every moment of it is burned into my goddamn memory.
Moonraker was the first Bond film I ever saw.
I didn’t watch another for five years. Not even “I think he’s attempting re-entry, sir” could rescue that film.
Seriously, it had Roger Moore wrestling a dead snake.
Been saying it for months, but MICHAEL SHANNON FOR JAWS.
Cmon now. I mean it’s a slam dunk.
I fully endorse this casting and so does my inner 11yr old who misses the sci fi bond. We need less terrorists and more Vader-esque villains.
+1 to Michael Shannon anything.
And after seeing Skyfall, all I can say is Bardem is no boring terrorist. Not quite Chigurh-level terrifying, but close.
Wet blanket implies stoic and kinda sad, and that is definitely NOT Timothy Dalton’s Bond. The latter much better describes late Roger Moore-era Bond, but Dalton!Bond was never stoic either. He was easily the most recklessly impulsive Bond, not very in control of his emotions or that good at thinking things through. Dude was chaotic Neutral AT BEST.
Eh, the reason I never got into the Brosnan films was all the goofy gadgets. You can’t blame them for looking awkward and dated NOW, but I was taken out back then. One of the reasons Casino Royale was great was because Bond didn’t need a laser watch or an invisible car to kick ass. In fact, who wouldn’t be able to take out a room full of thugs with a handful of Q gadgets? It’s the same reason I was turned off by The Dark Knight (blasphemy, I know): Batman didn’t need to rely too much on using situational awareness, intuition, or some bullshit heightened karate master state of mind. It was pretty much “there’s an app for that” for any occasion (like the claw-thing in the Scarecrow scene).
I mean, I get that both fictional dudes have the finest minds and unlimited resources making shit for them, but I’d be more interested to see Bruce Wayne thrown into some remote village in the Philippines with nothing but his inherent kick-assery at his disposal.
… And now you’ve made me sad that TDKR didn’t show how Bruce Wayne got from just outside Bane’s prison back to Gotham, with nothing but his inherent kick-assery at his disposal.
The first two Brosnan films were great, the second two were awwwwwwful.
Invisible car in a hotel made out of ice. Sure, fuck it.
Slow standing clap (non STD variety) at you, Hans…
You have to be careful with the gadgets. They have to make sense.
A wrist watch with a laser torch and a belt buckle that shoots rappelling line (Goldeneye)? Somewhat goofy and far fetched, but also things that might be standard issue for a guy whose job involves a lot of breaking and entering.
The medical kit from Casino Royale? Yes, I can see that being standard issue for a 00.
But there were too many instances, especially during the Roger Moore Era, when Q just happen to invent a device that has exactly one use in an insanely specific situation and it just happens to save Bond’s ass by him falling headlong into exactly that situation.
and Daulton’s run on Bond, as short as it was, was awesome. Angry Bond was a great take on the character.
What Craig needs is more Bond girls. He’s only had 2 onscreen hook ups so far. Connery did that much during one cold open.
Even thought I mentioned Moonraker a lot here, I’m definitely not advocating a return to the Moore era in terms of gadgets (or anything else).
I think the Connery Era was the best in terms of gadgets. His stuff was usually cool and in many cases ahead of it’s time, and usually stuff that would have been helpful for a spy in general — not the Moore era “Batman 66″ approach where he always had just the right gadget for a specific goofy situation.
I never put it together but the “Batman 66″ comparison is perfect.
The Moore-era Bond was never as obvious as “Aha, my Bat Shark Repellent!” but it was damn close.
Speaking of which, if only Adam West were British he would have been a great goofy 70s Bond.
Moonraker was made because of Star Wars. Simple as that.
That was a common theme of the Moore Era. “Let’s put Bond into a popular genre”
Moonraker was Bond in Star Wars
The Man With the Golden Gun put Bond in a Kung fu flick
Live and Let die was Blacksplotation.
For Your eyes Only put Bond in the winter Olympics.
The Spy Who Loved Me could be seen as Bond joining the Women’s Rights movement.
View to a Kill didn’t happen
Fuck off, no one wants a campy Bond. Go back to ironically enjoying Batman and Robin.
If you don’t like people ironically enjoying things, Uproxx is the wrong place for you my friend.
I keep waiting for the inevitable mashup of Jason Bourne and James Bond. They will call it the BB gang, and Craig will casually explain that it means their last names to the super villians before they get throat punched by Liam Nissan because they accidently kidnapped his fifth cousin twice removed on his divorced wife’s side.