Okay, now that we’ve laid down the “no kids” rule, how about a nice lady Robin? It’s not like I spend all day obsessing over it, but I have been following your love life, and I’m concerned. You seem lonely, and dare I say it, a bit desperate. You throw yourself at every villainess that’ll give you the time of day — Talia Al Ghul, Catwoman, Jezebel Jett — the list goes on. Come on, you need somebody you can bring home to Alfred. I mean, listen, I know dating is hard when you’re a superhero. You make connections where you can, I get it, but a female Robin would give you an opportunity to get out of the femme fatale dating pool, and hey, nothing gets the sparks flying like a night of roof leaping followed by a couples foiling of the Mad Hatter.
Next, I know you’re into the “master and mentor” setup, but the world won’t explode if the next Robin is actually better than you at some things. Hell, they could even have superpowers! You’re the goddamn Batman — you’ve saved the world dozens of times, and everyone thinks you’re like, a million times cooler than Superman. You have absolutely no reason to feel inadequate about your superheroing, so no more “everything you can do, I can do better” games with your own sidekick. It’s creepy.
Okay, this is getting a bit long, so it’s lightning round time — no more former-criminals, no former murderers, no more circus performers, no more dudes with black hair parted down the middle, nobody with supervillain parents, nobody with you as a parent, no robots, no clones and definitely not the goddamn Spoiler again.
No.
Finally, who says your next full-time partner needs to take on the “Robin” name? Here’s a suggestion — how about that nice Barbara Gordon? She’s been trying to impress you since the 60s man, and yet you keep her in the sidekick friend zone. Any punk who comes along and tries to steal your tires gets to be your best crime-busting buddy, but you keep Batgirl at arm’s length unless you need computer help. Uncool. Either that or stop dicking around and make Grayson your fulltime sidekick again. He’s a grown-ass man, stop making him feel like he’s not quite wanted because he doesn’t want to wear green underpants while fighting crime anymore.
I’m sorry if some of this came off as harsh, but it needed to be said. I just really want your new sidekick to get through the next big Batman crossover intact, y’know? It’s either hear it from me or hear it from Child Protective Services at this point, so I hope you took some of it to heart.
Respectfully yours,
Nathan M. Birch
PS – If you’re willing to ignore all my previous suggestions, I’m totally up for the Robin thing. Just saying.
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Hey fuck you guy, Spoiler is awesome
No she’s not.
She is so awesome that DC made her not exist in the New 52.
Wally West is incredibly awesome and DC fucked him over in New 52 as well. Stephanie Brown is my favorite non-Tim Drake Robin.
Spoiler is like the Huntress with the gratuitous T&A taken out. And even with the gratuitous T&A, Huntress is a fairly worthless character. Therefore…
Those two weeks she was Robin must have been a magical time for you Leave1942.
Honestly, the Batgirl series starring Stephanie was surpringly good. They FINALLY found a place for her and DC pulled the rug out.
Pure magic. And agreed with Shadowtag, I think developing her further as Batgirl would’ve been awesome. And can we at least agree that Stephanie Brown > Harper Row if they were to go female Robin?
I like Harper Row. More than Spoiler — I just don’t think she’d be long for this world if she becomes Robin. Everything about her screams “we’re going to keep her around for a couple arcs before she dies or disappears down a continuity sinkhole”.
“She is so awesome that DC made her not exist in the New 52.”
That doesn’t mean a thing, since the New 52 arguably fucked over Tim Drake too.
Had to be said. Hope the bats listens.
Everything about this was great.
Batman doesn’t need a sidekick. He’s a loner Dottie, a rebel.
^^^THIS
So what is the current Robin timeline according to the “New 52″? And why can’t Robin be an actual talking robin? Like the bird? And how come Batman doesn’t DANCE anymore?
As far as I know the line with Batman stuff is that all the pre-New 52 stuff stands (until they retcon it).
The only major difference is that Tim Drake was never ‘Robin’, but he was Batman’s sidekick at some point as ‘Red Robin’.
That nice Kelly281 seems like a wise choice. Sounds like she’s independently wealthy.
How exactly has he lost three Robins?
In the new 52, there have only been four, only two of which have died.
1) Dick – never died
2) Jason – died, came back
3) Tim – never died
4) Damian – died, hasn’t come back yet.
In Pre New-52 continuity Stephanie Brown appeared to have died. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but she eventually came back.
I liked what I read of Bryan Q. Miller’s Batgirl run that she starred in.
Stephanie’s death was faked. She never died in the first place. Leslie Thompkins was trying to teach Bruce a lesson in the most out of character way possible. Really it was symptomatic of what DC’s problem has been for years: they can’t make a decision to save their jobs.
Spoiler “never really died”, but it counts because *she totally died*. They just retconned it when everyone got upset because the storyline she died in was so terrible and icky.
Does Stephanie Brown even exist in the new 52? I’m assuming since she disappeared from being Batgirl with zero mention of her, that everything involving her is now out of continuity.
And Brian Q Miller’s Batgirl run was really good. It’s a shame that they retconned her out as soon as someone figured out how to write her correctly.
If I remember correctly there is like one page of her as Spoiler in one of the recent Bat-books.
I’m pretty sure DC has said she still exists — not sure if her Robin and Batgirl runs are still on the record.
Yeah, considering his five year-three Robin record, I think the odds say to go solo. Mind you, Tim Drake was never a ‘real Robin’ anymore so maybe an already pre-themed teen sidekick might work, but honestly. It’s Batman. He’s got a whole family (dysfunctional as they are) to help out. Keep the sidekicks (or lady sidekicks) out of the picture for now.
At some point, doesn’t Gordon kinda have to involve CPS? If not for the actual danger, then for dressing a 10 year old up in quasi-bondage leather outfits?
Jim Gordon, TDKR:
“A boy runs past me…healthy, dirty, beautiful. YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HE MAKES ME THINK OF.”
He’ll be keeping his mouth shut, thank you.
WOW! Excellent pull, good sir! (Boom, phrasing!)
I am humbled in your presence….
“I know you’re into the “master and mentor” setup, but the world won’t explode if the next Robin is actually better than you at some things”
Dick Grayson certainly has him beat when it comes to social skills though.