Arrested Development (Netflix, Sunday 12:01 a.m.) — It’s here! Some show that no one watched when it originally aired on Fox from 2003-2006 is being resurrected. Smells like desperation to me. Ain’t nobody gonna watch some show with a bunch of obscure jokes and gags that you don’t even catch the first time around. Whose silly idea was this? You should all ignore it (and save the Netflix bandwidth for me, because if it melts down on Sunday, I’m going to be supremely upset). Here are some new clips from the upcoming season.

Behind the Candelabra (HB0, Sunday 9 p.m.) — In lieu of Game of Thrones and Veep this week, HBO is running a biopic on Liberace, which the Pajiba Cannes reviewer called “joyously gay.” I saw a screener last night, and couldn’t agree more. I didn’t know much about Liberace, but that guy was one creepy old queen. At one point, he had so much plastic surgery, he couldn’t close his eyes, which meant he slept with them open, to the dismay of his lover, played by Matt Damon, who was manipulated into getting plastic surgery to look more like Liberace. Like I said, creepyway too much done to his face. He is HILARIOUS.

Mad Men (AMC, Sunday 10 p.m.) — Matthew Weiner is not going to give us a holiday break, however, so we’ll still get to spend Monday overthinking the most recent episode. Has Don Draper turned a corner? I think he may have.

Orphan Black (BBC America, Saturday 9 p.m.) — There’s also a new Orphan Black to look forward to while you wait for Arrested Development to start. In fact, if you start around 2 p.m. Saturday, you can catch up on ALL of Orphan Black, and just stay up through the night and well into the next day binge-watching TV. That’s a quality Memorial Day weekend, y’all.

The Borgias (Showtime, Sunday 10 p.m.) — Well, what do you know? This is a new episode, too. Haven’t watched it since midway through the second season. It was an all right show, but period pieces running on the same night as Game of Thrones? I don’t think so.

Smash (NBC, Sunday 9 p.m.) — How appropriate that the incredibly low-rated drama would get shifted to Saturdays, and blow off its two-hour season finale on Memorial Day weekend. I’m only curious with how low its ratings will be.

As a final easter egg for easter eggs, if you will, Netflix has just launched an interactive container poster with five hidden items that can each be unlocked, revealing new Season Four clip.

Not to brag but I’m five for five and will be your partner at Magic Photo Hunt for the affordable price of a single drink. Anyhoo, the motherboy smoking scene has been on the Netflix YouTube page for a couple of weeks, but four new previews were just launched minutes ago and I’ve included them after the jump. You know, if you’re not into doing things the hard way and finding pride in your accomplishments.

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Two of my favorite things in the world are dudes with big huge mountain man beards and hilarious fake mustache shenanigans, so this story is so squarely inside my wheelhouse that I might have to start charging it rent. GQ interviewed Jay Ferguson (who plays Stan Rizzo on Mad Men) and asked him a ton of questions about his character’s tremendous beard. Here are the main takeaways: 1) He shaved it off after the season ended (BOOOOOOOOOOO), and 2) GINSBERG’S MUSTACHE IS FAKE.

GQ: Ben Feldman (who plays Michael Ginsberg) told me that your beard was the hardest thing for him to get used to this season.

Jay Ferguson: Well, if we’re being honest: for Ben specifically, the hardest thing for him to get used to was not being allowed to smile. A couple times in the beginning of the season, when he laughed, his mustache would fall off. So he developed an involuntary reaction he would have to himself smiling, which was to instantly throw his thumb and forefinger up to either side of his fake mustache to hold it on. It was a fun running gag all season long, how we were all trying to make him crack up and laugh, because he’d have to do this stupid thing where he held his mustache on and didn’t laugh. And then one night we were out somewhere at some party together [laughs] and I said something that made him laugh, and I caught him doing it. I said, “Did you just try to hold your mustache on? You don’t even have it on, pal! It’s the weekend!”

If there’s not a gag reel on the DVDs for this season that’s full of Ginsberg’s mustache half falling off during important scenes like he’s an Italian waiter in an SNL sketch, I will be furious.

Here is all you need to know about this clip:

• There is a giant penis-shaped building in China.
• Jimmy Kimmel finds this hilarious.
• So do I.
• Kimmel sent a crew out onto the street to ask a bunch of kids about it.
• The second kid, pictured above, is MY DUDE.

Hi, I’m 11 years old.

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If you’re reading this website, and you obviously are, there’s a good chance you’ve seen HBO’s Boardwalk Empire at some point, and you’ve probably found yourself wondering, “Is this for real?” Well, in an effort to get to the bottom of this, our video team tracked down a “real life” bootlegger named Jebediah Shane. Here, he gives us the “real” scoop on the bootlegging life.

You’re welcome!

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There are certain TV moments I’ll never forget watching live. The Seinfeld finale, the (disappointing) reveal of Homer Simpson’s middle name, the FACE OFF scene from Breaking Bad, the second Dr. Romano helicopter accident on E.R. (but NOT the first), the series premiere of Dog with a Blog, the time a loopy Mariah Carey ripped off her clothes and handed out ice cream on TRL. I had no idea what the hell was going on, but damned if I didn’t enjoy “Loverboy.”

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With no new comedies last night I found myself missing Parks & Rec harder than ever. And then I thought about Summer Roberts’s Guide to Summer TV and it got even worse. But my life motto is that there’s nothing more pointless than an empty glass AND it’s the Friday before Memorial Day AND I’m always looking for ways to use this season finale GIF, so having Andy Dwyer react to awesome things in recent television history feels like a good idea. Roll with it.

Mild spoilers that should in no way be considered spoilers by UPROXX regulars ahead.

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Navy veteran Dan Sligh was driving across a bridge in Washington yesterday when a large chunk of it collapsed and sent his truck tumbling into the Skagit River. The fall caved in the roof of the vehicle and dislocated his shoulder. He couldn’t see his wife in the passenger seat, so he asked her if she was okay. She didn’t respond. So Dan Sligh popped his shoulder back into place as his truck was filling up with water, unbuckled himself and his wife, pulled her over to his side of the truck, wedged the door open, stepped out onto the truck’s rails, and made sure his wife stayed above water on the driver’s side while he called out to other submerged motorists to make sure they were safe. He then gave this interview to local news crews where he described the experience as a “rough day.”

I consider it a rough day when my DVR cuts off the last 30 seconds of Parks & Recreation. Dan Sligh is a badass.

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The thing I’m wondering most, after looking over the final 2012-2013 18-49 Nielsen Ratings (with DVR viewership factored in) is this: Who the hell did Community have to blow to get renewed? NBC’s show, in fact, was the lowest rated scripted program on a “real” network television to get a renewal last year, and it was low. As in, 88th. As in, 11 spots lower than Happy Endings, as in TELEVISION GODS, YOU SAVED THE WRONG SHOW.

There were a few other surprises to me, like the fact that The Following was in the top 10. That Family Guy was 16th, but Bob’s Burgers was down around number 60. That New Girl was 27th, but that The Mindy Project is 71st. That Hannibal is higher rated than Celebrity Apprentice but that it hasn’t been renewed yet, while Donald Trump’s show has been. That Parenthood was all the way up to number 36 with DVR factored in, but that The Good Wife was all the way down at 65 once the old people were factored out. And that Grey’s Anatomy is still a top 10 show.

Here’s the full top 100. (For the record, CW’s highest rated show was Vampire Diaries at #111, followed by Arrow at #118). If you’re curious, Vulture also has a fascinating chart on how returning shows compared to their ratings last year (spoiler alert: Worse, for the most part).

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