Let’s talk about Thanksgiving, shall we? Specifically, Thanksgiving food, most of which is just disgusting. There, I said it. It’s disgusting. Canned cranberry sauce, stuffing, sweet potatoes, pumpkin pie — there’s a reason we only eat this crap once a year and it has nothing to do with tradition: it’s because they all suck. Now, I know some of you pro-pumpkin and pro-sweet potato people are gonna hate on me for this, but you people are just freaks. Sorry, but you are. The only half-edible way to eat sweet potatoes is fried — and they still don’t come close to plain old French fries — and the only thing pumpkins are good for is making jack-o-lanterns. Real talk.
However, there are two Thanksgiving dishes that don’t suck — far from it — which is why many people eat them often throughout the year: turkey and mac-n-cheese. Unlike the aforementioned Thanksgiving culinary suckage, they’re delicious, and they go well together. Everyone knows this — except old, white, moralistic, evangelical as$holes like Pat Robertson, apparently.
“What is this ‘mac and cheese? Is that a black thing?” Robertson asked a black 700 Club correspondent today after former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice named it as her favorite Thanksgiving food.
Now, how the hell can anyone who’s been on this Earth living in the southern part of America for 81 years not know what the hell mac-n-cheese is? Doesn’t he know this is what the angels serve for BREAKFAST, LUNCH AND DINNER up in Heaven? The only explanation I have is that God hates Pat Robertson so much that she has purposely kept him away from one of life’s greatest simple pleasures all these years. Serves the old “fags and aborted fetuses caused 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina” prick right. Here’s hoping he’s never experienced a blowjob, either!
Now y’all go out and have yourselves a great Thanksgiving — and be sure to eat plenty of mac-n-cheese! We might pop in with a post or two on Black Friday, or we might not — it all depends on how we feel, honestly — but we’l be back to our regularly scheduled programming on Monday. So again — have a lovely Thanksgiving from all of us at Uproxx.
I want more like this!
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