Fox News: The Muppets Are Brainwashing Children Into Communism

An admission: the clip below of a bunch of Fox News blowhards charging that the Muppets are part of a secret left-wing plot to indoctrinate children began floating around the web yesterday, but I did everything in my power to ignore it, because frankly it depressed the hell out of me. Yes, the mere fact that this is a real thing that exists and that there are actual people out there (mainly most of our parents and grandparents) who take this sort of horsesh*t in and accept it as truth without pausing for even a nanosecond to process it with a sliver of critical thought brought me down — way down, man. So I basically covered my eyes and ears and went, “LALALALALALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

But then I went for a walk earlier and had a minor revelation, for lack of a better term: I have to post this clip. To not do so is to do a disservice to mankind, as everyone needs to be reminded regularly about the ridiculous depths Rupert Murdoch’s propaganda machine will plunge to when a film with puppets dares to portray a Texas oilman in an unflattering light. After all, the reckless disregard for human and environmental consequences in the relentless pursuit of profit is a noble act of humanity — this is a “job creator” we’re talking about after all.

Here’s a small sampling of the things that were actually said in the segment by the alleged media professionals Fox News writes checks to:

“We’re teaching our kids class warfare! Where are we, communist China?”

“It’s brainwashing in the most obvious form!”

“I just wish liberals could just leave little kids alone!”

“It’s amazing how far the left will go to manipulate your kids to give the anti-corporate message.”

“I mean this is a Muppet movie for goodness sakes! The only thing green on the screen should be Kermit!”

“What they’re telling your kids is what they told them in The Matrix: that mankind is a virus on poor old Mother Earth.”

If you can make it through this whole thing without your head exploding you deserve a cheeseburger with extra pickles or something.