Rick Perry Launches War On Gays Looking Like He’s Auditioning For The Lead In ‘Brokeback Mountain II’

Ever since Herman Cain dropped out of the Republican primary over the weekend, I’ve been wondering who would fill the massive void of crazy left by his departure. Would Michele Bachmann or Rick Santorum step up their insane games? Would Sarah Palin descend down from Snowbilly, Alaska to enter the race? But then Rick Perry’s campaign went deep into the right-wing’s tattered “God and Gays” playbook and posted a new ad to YouTube and I was like, “Oh yeah…Rick Perry…I forgot that jackass was still in the race.”

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian, but you don’t need to be in the pew every Sunday to know that there’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school,” says the long-rumored to be secretly gay cartoon cowboy governor of Texas in the ad while dressed like an actor auditioning for a part in the sequel to Brokeback Mountain. “As president, I’ll end Obama’s war on religion. And I’ll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage. Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again.”

Wait, WHAT? Precisely where in America is anyone not allowed to openly celebrate Christmas? F-ing Christmas is more in-your-face now than it’s ever been? I started noticing it in stores and on my TV back in October. And, as Jon Stewart pointed out last night, you can’t even walk out of your house anywhere in the U.S. without tripping over a Christmas tree. And what about this “war on religion” Obama’s embarked on? I thought he was hell-bent on converting us all to Muslim? MAKE UP YOUR MIND, RICK PERRY!

Seriously though, I can’t believe right-wingers are still dipping into the “God and Gays” playbook. Do they not realize by now that they’re alienating an entire generation of people who lack the ignorance and intolerance to fall for the crap they scared their parents and grandparents with for decades? For good measure, Perry took his gay hate even further — proclaiming that it’s not in America’s interest to try to stop gays from being executed for being gay in Africa. Meanwhile, the internet is already manipulating this ad.

Whatever, I can’t wait for the inevitable Rick Perry gay sex scandal that we all know is coming. That will truly be a glorious day in America. The only question that remains whether he’s a top or a bottom. (My money’s on Perry being a power bottom.)

Btw, here’s that aforementioned Daily Show sketch on the bullsh*t “War on Christmas” from last night. It’s pretty great.