I know you might be shocked to hear this, but Chris Brown and Drake haven’t kissed and made up since their wimpy brawl earlier this month. Today, DJ Orator released a remix of Chief Keef’s “I Don’t Like” on his blog, in which Brown seems to launch bombs at Drake, rapping, “A f*ck n*gga, that’s that sh*t I don’t like/ They throwin’ bottles, I’m throwin’ models just ’cause I give a bitch long pipe.” But the OHHHHHHHH moment comes when Brown says, “One on one, what you scared bruh?/Huh, matter of fact, take care bruh/You’re a p*ssy n*gga.”

So, yeah, there’s no way this ISN’T about Drake and his “eyebrows, man, them sh*ts is yikes.” I still don’t want either one of them to “win.” Hear the track below.

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The Stone Roses only released two albums, in 1989 and 1994, before breaking up, yet fans have been clamoring for a reunion for nearly two decades. Why? Because their self-titled debut, equal parts pub rock, dance beats, and psychedelia, is considered by many to be THE greatest album of all-time. (Even if you don’t agree, “I Wanna Be Adored” is a perfect song.) Last night, 75,000 fans got their wish: the Stone Roses played a hometown gig in Manchester’s Heaton Park, their first major U.K. show in 16 years.

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One of our greatest faults as humans, outside of the fact that we haven’t created a calorie-less double-bacon cheeseburger, is our penchant to laugh and criticize those we don’t know. I do it, you do it, we all do it, particularly towards celebrities, because it’s a faultless crime. When we make fun of that skeezy dirtbag Ashton Kutcher on our Tumblr, he’s not gonna find out. We say the things we WISH we could say in public — IRL, as it were.

Take today, for instance: we all made our Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes jokes because Scientology is creepy and a joke, and therefore, they’re creepy and a joke. But to take a step back, we’re laughing at someone’s marriage falling apart. I don’t feel bad, though, because I’m a terrible human being. About Lauryn Hill, however, I can’t make a joke about — it’s just too damn sad.

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It’s impossible to cover each bit of new music that comes out during the week, so every Friday, we’ll be doing an end of the week music roundup. It’s called Final Track, and we’ll count off a few songs released during the week that are worth giving a listen to.

Today, we’ve got Angel Haze, Muse, DJ Khaled with Kanye West and Rick Ross, and more.

(Banner via)

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What can you say about the man who might be the greatest lyricist of his time, if not all-time — R. Kelly? Who else but Kells could sing about sex so often (pretty much every song, actually), yet so infrequently use the actual word “sex”? He’s like the “Seinfeld” episode “The Contest,” but about baby-making. In honor of Kelly’s new throwback R&B album Write Me Back and his bonkers autobiography, Soulacoaster: The Diary of Me, which comes out tomorrow, here are the 12 most creative ways he’s referred to s-e-x. Now, if you’ll excuse, I’m going to take a long shower.

(Pic via R. Kelly’s “Trapped In The Closet” Video)

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History was made today, folks: Slate just published the most Slate article ever. It began so innocently:

Radiohead is the best large venue band I have ever seen perform, on or off drugs, in the history of my interest in music. They are the early 1980s Van Halen of auditory cortex high-kicks. They’re as improvisational and fluid as Phish without the masturbatory soloing (though they do seem to share some tour-following, nitrous-huffing fans). The band’s light and video shows, together with its disorienting, mesmerizing, fantastic music, makes the Flaming Lips’ theatrics look like cheap parlor tricks.

Oh, wow, writer Ben Johnson must really like Radiohead, even if that Van Halen reference was a bit strained.

But Radiohead should stop touring.

Ah, sh*t.

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I think I’ll leave it to my buddy Carles at Hipster Runoff to describe Lana Del Rey’s new video for “National Anthem,” in which she plays Jackie O to A$AP Rocky’s JFK.

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This really needed to happen. With this song becoming more ubiquitous than that stupid Geico gecko, we all need hilarious parodies of it to prevent from going insane.

Now cue the metal nerds arguing whether or not this really qualifies as death metal.

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As fun as it is to complain about “music these days,” and how it’s all been downhill since The Chronic or something came out, it’s even MORE fun to listen to — wait for it — good music. Every Tuesday, a.k.a. Music Release Day, we’ll highlight five albums worth (legally) downloading or driving to the local Best Buy (lolz) for.

Today, we’ve got Diiv, Ty Segall Band, XV, and more

(Banner via)

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