The photo you see above is the cover for Christina Aguilera's next album, Lotus, due out in November. Aguilera explained why she chose that image to MTV, saying, "At this point of my life, I feel that I've reached a place where I'm completely embracing everything about who I am, and I'm having more of an understanding of myself." So, her self-embracing involves Photoshop and posing like Jesus? Sounds about right.
It's a bold move for a musician to pose naked on their own album cover, not only because your goodies are out for the entire world to ogle, but also because the nudity track record hasn't been stellar. Which is to say, it's a desperate move. Here are 10 NAKEDXXXWEEWEE examples of why Xtina made the wrong choice.
Unfinished Music No. 1: Two Virgins by John Lennon and Yoko Ono
Thirty minutes of avant-garde conceptual "music" is a perfectly cromulent reason to hate Yoko.
Lovesexy by Prince
Love(d) it was not, coming between Sign "O" the Times and Batman. As for sexy, well, if you've got a thing for miniature giraffes with prominent rib cages, then yes. Otherwise, not so much.
Out of Bounds by Eric Bana
Or, when you realized the dude from Munich released a comedy album.
I Love My Life by Jim Post
You'd love life, too, if you could pull off the saggy mustache waterfall look as well as Jim. (Note to self: name next band Saggy Mustache Waterfall.)
A Casa Da Joquina by Quim Barreiros
An America's Funniest Home Videos clip waiting to happen.
The Abbey Road E.P. by Red Hot Chili Peppers
This is sacrilegious to mention in some circles, but the early, dick sock-wearing Chili Peppers do nothing for me. Like the Abbey Road E.P. cover, which apparently mocks some album by some band named after an insect, their sound in the late 1980s was too amateurish to be taken seriously, and it wasn't until 1991's Blood Sugar Sex Magik that they began to resemble a group worth listening to. In other words, WE (don't) WANT CHILLI WILLI.
Gangsta Rap by Ice-T
Ice-T is looking at that gun a bit too longingly...
Waking & Dreaming by Orleans
Guy from Orleans is looking at that penis a bit too longingly...
Push Push by Herbie Mann
Jesus. Herbie Mann looks straight out of a Coen Brothers movie. There's a chance he's not fully naked, but considering the way he's suggestively holding that flute, I'm going to guess that he is — and that his penis is comically tiny.
Off the Deep End by Weird Al Yankovic
OK, maybe they're not ALL bad.
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That Eric Bana one blew my mind. I wish there’d been more ladies on this list. Didn’t Janet Jackson have a topless album cover?
Good arguments, but I’m not sure if a comparison is valid considering all of those album covers consisted of people in the buff while Christina’s new one is has at least 30% of her girth photoshopped out.
Wait, people actually like music that Red Hot Chili Peppers make?
Yea, I don’t get it either
“the early, dick sock-wearing Chili Peppers do nothing for me… their sound in the late 1980s was too amateurish to be taken seriously”
So, what you’re saying is, you didn’t like their original sounding punk-funk produced in co-operation with the likes of George Clinton… the actual music that earned Flea his god of bass playing status, and you DO like soulless, dime-a-dozen, stadium rock top 40 garbage… the music that John Frusciante just couldn’t play anymore and still feel okay about himself. That’s what you’re saying. Got it. Remind me never to pay any mind to anything you ever write that’s a review or critique of music.
I like Sammy Hagar-era Van Halen more than Roth-era.
Problem?
Umad?
::Troll Face::
You can’t dis the Monsters of Sock era of the Chili Peppers. Bad form.
Can’t tell if trolling or stupid …
The worst thing that ever happend to the Red Hot Chili Peppers was them kicking heroin.
You could have just said “It’s all dudes” and I wouldn’t have wasted 2 minutes of my life
This.
The one thing that would make that Jim Post cover perfect is if he killed himself.
I’m surprised there were so many guys on this list, but then, I guess naked lady covers would have been tougher to get in stores.
I can’t believe christina is getting so much press for this. We’ve all seen a LOT more of her than this in her videos and elsewhere, some would say more than we wanted to. This is basically nothing on a celebrity nudity scale.
#5 – I am a huge fan of the Folksmen, but I found the solo work of Allan Barrows lackluster.
Naturism is a way of life in harmony with nature, characterized by the practice of communal nudity, with the intention of encouraging respect for oneself, respect for others and for the environment. google “naturistmingle” it is the best choice for you! It offers a friendly and confidential environment for nudists to look for friendships, relationships, and resources concerning the nudist lifestyle.
Awww, I LOVE Yoko! No more Yoko Bashing! Here check these awesome works out: Play It By Trust- an all white chess board which requires not only intense concentration, but total trust. Her exhibit had her playing anyone who wanted to sit down: ([www.flickr.com] ) There’s her influential “Cut Piece” ([1.bp.blogspot.com]) where she sat still on stage while people could come up and cut off pieces of her clothes- think about how what people choose to cut off says a lot about them….
In other words, someones “Yoko Ono” Google alert senses were tingling…
She created the “Imagine” concept (from a poem of hers “Cloud Piece”) as well as being the primary creative force behind the “War is Over” campaign. Also she created the John Lennon Museum in Japan (which I went to and was fucking AMAZING. There was a white telephone hanging that she would randomly call, if you were lucky enough to be by it when she called, you could talk to her. ([farm1.static.flickr.com] ) And if you still think she’s a terrible musician check out ALL of her contributions on Double Fantasy- they basically wrote the book on so many types of female-sung pop styles to come, very influential! also check this song she wrote for Some Time in New York City, the AWESOME Born in a Prison http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCoJR-9P63o) Yeah, so YOKO IS AMAZING!
That penis staring Orleans dude is now a US Congressman. No joke.