(Takes deep breath)
Okay, we all can agree that Chris Brown is a fetid, rotting trash can, right? Okay good.
So last night, before going to sleep, I saw the following tweets from Frank Ocean in my Twitter feed…
Foolishly, I presumed Ocean was joking around. I mean, noted menace to society Chris Brown surely isn’t that big of a dick that he’d jump Frank Ocean with his posse, right? It had to be some sort of inside or running joke that I, at the time, didn’t have the energy to investigate further. So I went to sleep.
But then I woke up this morning and discovered it was true! Chris Brown and some of his boys did attack Frank Ocean in the parking lot of a recording studio over a parking spot.
Here’s what TMZ reported last night…
We’re told Chris went to shake Frank’s hand … and that’s when one of Frank’s people attacked Chris. Sources connected with Chris say one of Chris’ friends jumped in front and hit Frank’s friend.
Sources connected with Chris say Frank then came at Chris … Chris pushed him away and they started brawling.
…
Cops say they will continue to investigate and want to speak with Chris Brown. They refer to Ocean as “the victim” because he’s the one who stuck around and spoke with police. Ocean said the fight started over a parking space (how L.A.) and Brown punched him. There were 6 people involved in the fight.
Has a man ever needed his ass kicked more than Chris Brown needs his ass kicked? I think not.
Regardless, this is how I imagine it all went down…
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/41/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/the-7-best-snl-season-38-musical-performances-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/timberlake-bye-bye-bye-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/chris-brown-tweet-2-150x129.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/03/chrisbrown-650x400-150x150.jpg)
See, this is the sort of thing you need a Kickstarter for…like a kickassstarter. I’d throw in for sure.
Jesus Christ, Marie. How do people still support this buffoon?
Cue “Team Breezy” sending Frank Ocean death threats in 3…2…1… (If EVER an entire group of people needed to be herded into a rocket and fired into the sun.)
Death threats are coming. For sure.
Team Dipshit will be on this for sure.
Chris Brown could rip the head off a baby on live TV and then skullfuck a puppy and his moronic fans would still rush to his fucking defense. Christ, what a piece of shit.
Ahhh, my other comment was supposed to be a reply to this one. Anyway, just to reiterate, I can’t wait til the day this fucker goes to prison and then his fans can whine all they want.
What’s funny when the Drake vs Brown thing happen no one really gave no more thought than two R&B soft dudes trying to act tough because cats aren’t to fond of Drake either but now that its Frank Ocean, well its definitely Chris’s fault
Because Frank came out on bi-ish don’t take away the fact that Frank might be as hood as the next man. Frank probably aint soft and it is a very strong possibility that went up side Chris’s head first.
can we just take #TeamBreezy and #TeamTaylor and have a fight to the death? Surely we’ll lose a few hapless individuals
All we can hope for is that the day that Chris Brown goes so far to break the law or injure/maim someone that he can’t get away with just a slap on the wrists.
Not to go off topic, but I went to high school with this kid who was a straight up sociopath. But he was rich, good looking, a star athlete and his mom worked for the school district, so he got away with everything. Once in 11th grade he harassed me to the point of tears in gym class and when the teacher told him to leave me alone he told her to fuck off AND SHE DID, because everyone was afraid of him.
After high school he settled into an entitled yet degenerate life of drugs and crime, until one day he was being transferred to the county lock up for some petty crime or another, when he got out of his handcuffs, stole an officer’s gun, pistol-whipped one cop and fired at another, car jacked someone driving past the scene and then proceeded to lead cops on a high speed chase until he ended up colliding with a police cruiser. He’s in the middle of a 20-year sentence now. People still bitch of moan about the unfairness of his sentence, but that’s all they can do – bitch and moan.
Anyway, in conclusion, I hope something like that happens to Chris Brown.
I don’t want to see him hurt someone so badly that he goes to jail. The other hypothetical person doesn’t need that. I’d rather see him try to hurt someone that badly and get his shit kicked in.
True… The situation I described was ideal because, other than the pistol-whipping, this asshole amazingly didn’t hurt anyone but at the same time racked up a slew of related felony charges.
Although I can’t say I’d feel TOO bad if something happened to one of his moronic TB groupies…
Why would Chris Brown pick a fight with a guy who brought us “Caribbean Queen”?
Chris Brown really must have something against letting people perform at the Grammy’s
If the pattern proves true he’s just another beating away from hosting the whole damn thing.
Uhh… It sounds more like Frank Ocean’s friends started a fight with Chris Brown and his friends…
Do you trust “sources connected with” the noted woman-beater and all-around asshole more than the guy who stuck around to talk to the police about it?
Of course not. I think Chris Brown is a bag of dirt and I don’t even think he should be given attention in the media. I’m just saying that what is quoted is different than what the title states is different again than what the police are saying…
Wanna feel depressed? [twitter.com]
Good lord…. I really regret clicking that link….
UGH Seriously?! the ignorance is just rampant with those fools. Twitter is the WORST. But mainly because of people like #teambreezy.
Thank you for ruining my day sir
Why did I click this… Bah, stupid humans.
Couldn’t this also be construed as a hate crime?
Doubtful.
Chris Brown’s assault? No.
Chris Brown’s music? Definitely.
Has anyone stopped to consider that Chris might be the victim in all of this? No? Good, because there’s no way he is. Fuck him sideways.
Geez, I bet Chris Brown is glad the opinions of internet comment sections aren’t binding in a court of law. Or he would be swinging from the gallows about now.
Ya know, there are two conflicting reports of who started the fight, but everyone seems ready to tar and feather Chris Brown no matter what.
So you are saying that it would be inappropriate to make the assumption that when a fight happens, we should assume that the guy with a history of violence who flees the scene before the cops arrive is innocent and that the other guy started the fight?
Makes total sense.
You’re right, let’s give the guy who beats up women the benefit of the doubt.
Chris Brown, who has a history of violence and poor decision making, deserves no benefit of the doubt.
plus, chris brown is already such a shit head that even if he was the victim here he deserves it and should still be shat on.
If only Frank had Walter to fight for him. This would have went a totally different route.
I’m secretly hoping that Ocean was making a ‘Fringe’ reference.
I honestly hope someone kills Chris Brown so he can be out of the news a few months after. I would feel bad for the killer having to go to jail.
Personally, I think Chris Brown is just Lost. Maybe he has a case of Bad Religion or something, but he better hope he can Swim Good and escape his actions, because he’s going to need some Novacane once someone takes him down…uh, Pyramids and all that… dammit, I suck.
I see what you did there.
“Has really crossed the line NOW”?!
He crossed that back in 2009, he’s just been acting like a dickhead in over-line territory since then.
FRANK OCEAN HAS REALLY CROSSED THE LINE ! PICKING ON CHRIS !blocking & STOPPING him from leaving the recording studio after going there after receiving tip chris was there he wanted to confront chris regarding his OBSESSION NFACTUATION 4 CHRIS BROWN WHO HAS REJECTED HIM REPEATEDLY YET THERE HE WAS AGAIN. CHRIS TRIES TO AVOID CONFRONTATION BUT CLEARLY HE HAS A TRAITOR ON THE NSIDE.& KARRUECHE COULD BE WORKING WITH THE ADVESARIES! PRETENING TO B KOOL & CALM SHE’S A BOILING INFERNO A WOMAN SCORNED WITH HIDDEN HORNS aiding the enemies secretly SETTING HIM UP for “theKILL”CB MUST EVALUATE & ELIMINATE PROFESSIONAL&PERSONALSOCIAL CIRCLES..THIS IS ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE!!!