John Mayer Helpfully Explains Jodie Foster’s Bizarre Golden Globes Speech

If you watched the Golden Globes last night — which I’m sure you did so you could play with us in our open thread — you know that Jodie Foster’s rambling, at times incoherent speech will likely be something that people remember for years to come. Here were my reactions to the speech, reactions I’m sure many others had as well: “What the hell is happening right now?” and “I’m so confused” and “What was THAT?”

But luckily for us, the baffled non-celebrities of the world, aspiring Johnny Depp impersonator John Mayer is here to explain it all to us, via his Tumblr.

If you thought her speech was confusing at first (as did I) that’s because we’re not used to hearing people – interesting, free thinking people – speak in the rhythm of their own inner metronome. That was inspiring.

Ohhhhhh…so THAT’S what it was, just an “inner metronome” ignorance when it comes to “interesting, free thinking people” among the masses, I see. Surely a person whose life has been uplifted and enriched by public adoration complaining on stage at the Golden Globes about privacy had nothing to do with the delusion and psychosis that plagues former child actors or, say, copious amounts of booze — or both. SURELY.

Anyway, here’s Foster’s speech again. If you’ve figured it out, please feel free to enlighten the rest of us in the comments…