Back to the older hits, the next culprit is an old favorite of mine, as John Cougar Mellencamp has made a career of being a folksy every man with the jazz and the blues and the soul and whatever else he feels like dropping on us. However, his rendition of “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” plays like he took everything he had and tossed it in a joyous holiday blender.
That might not be the worst of the offenders on this little list, but it’s certainly not a song that I’ll be playing between Run-DMC’s “Christmas in Hollis” and Bruce Springsteen’s “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” when I kick off drunken karaoke after grandma goes to bed.
I’m sure by now you’re wondering where the worst of the worst cover songs are. Well, here you go. At some point, someone gave American Idol punchline William Hung money to record not only a regular album, but a Christmas album as well. “Little Drummer Boy” is one of those classics that has only been done by the biggest, most earnest music stars over the years, and it’s amazing that someone demolished it enough to make this list.
If Hung hadn’t made a cameo on Arrested Development, this song would be enough to make me call for his imprisonment on the moon.
Let’s take a step back to Springsteen for a second, as I honestly consider his version of “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” to be a hell of a rock n roll Christmas song. Justin Bieber’s strange, annoying dance version, though? NO.
Tha-a-a-t so-o-o-ng i-i-i-i-is so-o-o obnox-ox-ious. For every note that Bieber holds too long, I wish he’d hold his breath longer. Also, the North Pole isn’t a steampunk haven, so stop it.
Finally, the reason that we’re all here. The one song that somehow exists and caused me to find even more terrible Christmas covers so I could punish you all the same way I’ve punished myself. Here’s Smash Mouth’s “Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home),” which I’m sure is the only song that Guy Fieri plays at his own Christmas parties.
The only song that’s worse than a Smash Mouth Christmas cover? Twisted Sister’s take on “White Christmas.”
Just kidding, I love all of Twisted Sister’s Christmas covers.
I want more like this!
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