"I'd better make at least a hundred bucks for all this work."
Today’s news features burglars. Specifically, burglars who feel entitled to complain to the people they steal from about how much they made or how badly they were treated. Yes, our culture of wussiness and entitlement has extended even to our criminals, now.
First up, we’ve got an unnamed robber in Atlanta, who knocked over a Wendy’s and got away scott free with $586. Which, to most people, would not seem like such a bad haul, especially since if you’re knocking over a Wendy’s you should really expect to get, at best, a hundred bucks and a Baconator. But apparently, the thief has been calling the Wendy’s to complain and tell them that the next time he robs them, they’d better have more than a decent weekly paycheck for him, or he’ll give them a bad review on Yelp or something. We’re sure the restaurant awaits with a shotgun ready to serve him.
Secondly, we’ve got Michael Dupree from, where else, Florida. Michael was caught by the guy he was robbing and a few of that guy’s friends, arrested, and convicted of burglary. So, he’s in jail, serving a twelve year sentence…and he’s filed a lawsuit against the guy he robbed, saying that the victim caused him disability and distress. In short, Dupree wants half a million dollars because some dude beat him up for stealing his bicycle.
Yeah, that’ll make you a real badass on the yard, Mikey. “When I get out, I’m going to shank the guy who ratted me!” “When I get out, I’m going to kick the crap out of the DA.” “I’m suing the guy who beat me up for stealing from him!”
…
“Shut up and pick up the soap.”
LINKS
- Wendy’s Robber has unreasonable expectations (Associated Press)
- Michael Dupree sues because it’s not fair he got caught stealing (Associated Press)
MORE NEWS
- A cell phone store manager prevents a robbery by asking what Jesus would do, which still doesn’t justify all those stupid rubber bracelets (still the AP)
- If you’re trying to break into a mobile home, make sure that A) the little old lady who lives there is out and B) that you’re sober enough to not faint while executing the break-in. (The AP, who seems to have all the weird news today)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- These people can all be happy that they’re one of the lucky few, since robbery has been on the decline since 2006 (Disaster Center)
- Yep, even though the economy was terrible in 2009. (New York Times)
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/569/thumb)
And don’t even get me started on the Hamburglar.
I debated including the Hamburglar, but that just seemed too obvious. Instead I went with a Whoopi Goldberg comedy nobody’s seen in twenty years (seriously, if anybody has watched “Burglar”, I’ll make someone else eat their hat.)
Whoopie Gold-Berglar
I’m sick of people avoiding me, it’s just pizza you selfish fucks