Prudes Still Denying Human Biology Exists

Today in the news, we’ve got a bunch of prudes. No, not dried plums, although the end effect of being anywhere near them comes to the same. No, we’re talking about people who are shocked, sir, shocked that anybody on the Internet might be interested in seeing other people in the altogether.

First, Indonesia, the most populous Muslim country in the world, experienced a scandal yesterday when a porn site flashed up on screens outside Parliament for almost ten minutes. Indonesia uses monitors in its press room to offer up the agenda and other boring stuff, so the porn site was a nice change of pace for the gathered journalists. Or would be, if Indonesia weren’t trying to crack down on porn because Ramadan is coming up, and, having been oppressed by Suharto for years, they’re still getting the hang of this whole “having fun” and “freedom of speech” thing. They think somebody else was accessing a porn site elsewhere on the network, because they lack the sense of humor to see an obvious prank even when it waves boobies right in front of them.

Speaking of boobies right in front of you, in England you can no longer advertise a job as a stripper, a lap dancer, or other noble professions that involve nudity in the English public job centers, excuse us, “Jobcentres”. This despite the fact that England’s own courts ruled that, you know, there’s this whole “freedom” thing that prevents the government from actually doing this. England, which wants really really hard to be as scary and oppressive as possible but is too wussy to ever actually pull it off, is trying to justify this by saying the economy is crappy and that people might feel “pressure” to engage in work they’re not comfortable with in order to do frivolous things like eat and not be homeless. And, of course, public money shouldn’t go to potential exploitation like that. Oh my, no.

We’re looking forward to this decision being thrown out on the basis of being the single most asinine statement a human being has uttered in the last ten years. Seriously, what wuss came up with that justification, and did he wring his delicately manicured hands as he said it? Did he preface every sentence with “ehn” as the strain of forcing the word “sex” from between his lips nearly made him have the vapors? Did he later go to a strip club and try to convince the topless lady to take a good, God-fearing job at McDonald’s so the children can starve under the approval of Jesus? Seriously, we want to know, so that we can punch him for sucking when we’re next in England.

MORE NEWS

• In other not-sexy news, Hamas is pretending it’s not trying to ram Islamic law down everybody’s throat, even though they banned women from doing bong hits and are telling lingerie stores to be more modest. Shipments of International Male clothing, however, are cleared without comment (Reuters)
• In what’s no doubt a wacky (and disappointing) misunderstanding, Australia’s political party for people who fear sex, Family First, tried to cut a deal with the Sex Party. Yes, Australia has a political party called the Sex Party. (Perth Now)

KNOW YOUR STATS

• Porn makes $10 billion yearly. To prove it, here’s Forbes desperately pretending that gay porn is a niche and that the Internet doesn’t exist (Forbes)
• 89% of porn is created in the US. We’re number one! We’re number one! (TechCrunch)