Before you ask…no, we couldn’t find a bigger photo, derp derp derp. Anyway, there’s great news for the puny, terrible news for the porky, and worse news for smart hot women in today’s news roundup.
First off, French criminals now have to deal with short police officers. France, usually as averse to change as Glenn Beck at an Obama rally, has finally done away with a centuries old restriction requiring all their police to be at least five foot three. This used to be true of other countries as well, but somewhere around 1950, somebody finally looked down and noticed that short people had been protesting stupid laws like this for decades. Then they looked up and promptly forgot about it. But the walking beer tables did finally get equal treatment under the law, and now short people are looked upon as just normal people, able to do any job, except possibly that guy who grabs things off the high shelf.
Meanwhile, in Turkey, in a move of absolutely stunning sensitivity and class, 28 Turkish Airlines employees have been told they can’t do their jobs because they’re too fat, and were put on unpaid leave to lose weight. They’ve got six months to starve and become svelte, or they’ll be “reassigned”, which we’re assuming is Turkish Airlines code for “shot, ground up, and fed to our customers as Turkish hash, and not the good kind”. Unsurprisingly, the employees did not take suddenly being thrown out of their jobs for being too large that well, especially since one of those who has to slim down or suffer “reassignment” just coincidentally happens to be Izzet Levi, the head of the flight attendant’s union. He’s got to lose 22 pounds, or shed his job. Somehow, we think flying Turkish Air would be a really bad idea over the next few days.
Finally, terrible news for attractive women: while appearance will generally get you places, apparently one of those places is not a job where how you look is unimportant. One example used is “prison guard”, so maybe that’s not a bad thing, but others are jobs that actually pay well and don’t destroy your soul, like “engineer”, and “director of finance”, so that’s bad. Attractive men, on the other hand, had absolutely no problem landing jobs like that, so it’s safe to assume that sexist double-standards are alive and thriving. But at least now they’re only discriminating against hot people. Let’s start discriminating against guys with six-pack abs, too, really get some equality going. Especially since those are the guys at the gym who kiss their own biceps, so they deserve to be stuck serving Orange Julius at the mall.
- In other news, if you drink on your job interview, they’ll think you’re a retard. Welcome to the “imbibing idiot bias”. (Reuters)
- In better booze news, Scotch that was trapped in Anarctic ice for a century has been recovered. All people making jokes about Scotch rocks are shot under New Zealand law (AP)