Awesome news for people wearing sweatpants while posting lists of their favorite Smurfs (present company included): the Associated Press informed its members this week that they can cite blogs as a news source. Just yesterday another part of the AP’s backend leaked as well (cut down on the Olestra chips, guys). Libby Reinish at savethenews.org published a paraphrased list of AP Minnesota’s suggestions to local newspapers on what they should write about. Turns out the AP loves crashes and fires where people die, but not the ones with happy endings. So, in a shameless attempt to ingratiate ourselves to the AP, here are a bunch of stories involving fire. You like fire, right, AP? Ain’t we sweet to you, baby?
Several fires — about 85 in total — broke out in Detroit last Tuesday (and every Tuesday, probably). What makes these fires unique is that a family in the neighborhood had called the power company several times beforehand to report dangerous power surges and other problems. After several refusals to check the problems, they told the power company, “I hope you’re taping this conversation, because if my house burns down, you’re going to have to pay for it.” Shortly afterward, an electrical fire caused major damage in the second floor of the home.
Did you know Jennifer Lopez is the leading cause of go kart fires, second only to every other cause in the universe? It’s true! A woman in Florida started arguing with her husband because he was watching a Jennifer Lopez movie. Not because the movie sucked, but because she didn’t want him looking at her. Later that night, he asked her to move over in bed and she quite rationally screamed, “So you’re saying I’ve got a fat ass?” before leaving the house. The next day she returned and set fire to his boat and go kart. This mother of three obviously lucky children also threatened to have their dogs put to sleep, then fled the crime scene. Burning a perfectly useful go kart and threatening violence against kids’ pets? No taco-flavored keeses for ju.
- Police in Pennsylvania used a Taser on a man who was trying to save eleven pet snakes from his burning home. They tried to pull him from the fire three times before resorting to a bro Tasing. Five of the snakes survived, possibly saved by a gray-suited manchild looking for his bicycle. (Arbroath)
- A sprinkler system is being blamed for quickly spreading a fire. Wait, what? (KSL via Fark)
- Meanwhile, in Australia, a man with a homemade flame-thrower robbed a convenience store, leaving with only a box of headache tablets which probably cost less than the fuel he wasted. You could say this robber really got burned, if you were wearing a spinning bow tie and waiting for a vaudeville pianist to play you off. (News.com.au)
- One mistake along the 272,000 mile natural gas network destroyed a neighborhood (Gizmodo)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- I would hate to see a go kart burned, but I’d love to see some Farmvilles go up in a cleansing blaze. Here’s an infographic on the economics of this boring yet addictive game. (VisualLoop)
- And here’s a comparison of FarmVille and real farms. Main difference? You don’t sound ridiculous if you talk about your real farm. (Mashable)
- A study by the Pew Research Center found 99% of stories linked in blogs were linked to traditional news outlets. 80% of the links were to BBC, CNN, The New York Times, and The Washington Post. (ReadWriteWeb)
- Which airlines burn the least fuel to get you to the porn convention? Er, I mean, that important business meeting. (GOOD)
I want more like this!
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