By “failures and perversion”, I’m not just talking about my “Sexy Gravedigger” costume. From the failure column, we have Microsoft’s Online Division. Microsoft released their Q1 2011 earnings, showing good returns in every division but one. The Online Division has once again lost money for the 19th quarter in a row. How bad is it? Their online ventures have recorded losses of over $2 billion in the past year. And they aren’t going to stop throwing money into them because they need to build a huge web presence for their future. Their biggest money makers, the Windows OS and Microsoft Office, are being usurped by products like smartphones, tablets, and OpenOffice. Increasing their web ventures, although expensive, is a long-term strategy they aren’t about to give up, $2 billion in losses a year or not. Meanwhile, we’re happy when we find a dollar in an old pair of pants. Wait, we’re bloggers. Why do we even own pants?
While Microsoft was burning money on expensive online ventures, another website was finding a new revenue stream that makes everybody happy. Despite taking a huge drop in traffic, Chatroulette has doubled their revenue while getting rid of their pesky penis presentation problem. Visitors caught exposing themselves were blocked from Chatroulette and their computers were redirected to the Hustler web site. At first they were blocking and redirecting 100K users a day; now they only have to ban and redirect about one half of one percent of users while still making more money.
Speaking of guys exposing their bits where they aren’t welcome, a man in Toowoomba, Australia who was arrested for drunkenly exposing himself in a hotel had a cheeky way of arguing his innocence. Timothy Scott Clark claimed he shouldn’t be charged with indecent exposure because “he only had a small appendage”. He was charged with a drunk and disorderly, was fined $300, and no conviction was reported. Wait, it worked? Oh, Australia, where have you been all my life? All the way down there? Too far.
- Prostitutes in Spain were fined for being a hazard to moving traffic, so they did the only logical thing and started wearing yellow safety vests to avoid fines. Bonus: they already have their “Sexy Crossing Guard” costumes ready. (HuffPo, picture via Arbroath)
- Facebook spent over $6,600 in California lobbying to stop a bill that would restrict the display of phone numbers and home addresses of minors on social networking websites. I know a certain bear who hates this legislation. (MarketWatch)
- Speaking of a certain bear, an elementary school teacher in Japan is in trouble for using homemade “sexual harassment dice” (his name for them) to decide classroom punishments. Even more amazing, he’s been doing this for 5 or 6 years. (JapanProbe)
- A man who rescued a baby with hypothermia from a dumpster in Calgary found out the kid is his son, is now fighting for custody with the attempted child killer mother who hid the pregnancy. Easiest custody ruling ever? (CalgaryHerald)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Here are seven costumes marketed as sexy that shouldn’t be. I take umbrage to their suggestion that Optimus Prime isn’t sexy. I think his cankles show character, so there. (Vizworld)
- 63.8% of Americans plan on celebrating Halloween this year, up 1.8% from last year. And, shockingly, Uproxx mascot and best friend forever Lobster Dog didn’t show up on the list of most popular pet costumes. (Savings)
- Here’s a comparison chart of 10 different pumpkin beers. This is important. (FermentNation)