Kansas City resident Breana Greathouse has been arrested for driving to Ottumwa, Iowa and allegedly pulling a gun on Forrest Jamison, whom she believed had made fun of her on the internet. Seriously. Was this her first visit to the internet? She didn’t know people slag each other off all the time on here? To put this into perspective: what would somebody have to say to you online to get you to drive three and a half hours with a loaded gun and still be mad enough to threaten to kill them? For me, they’d have to say Friedberg and Seltzer are better than the Coen brothers.
Greathouse’s mother also traveled to the same Iowa town and was arrested for making harassing phone calls to Jamison. Classiness runs in the family. I don’t know what amuses me more: that this happened in my home state, or that of course it was a Missourian who traveled here to shoot an Iowan over a dumb argument. *shakes fist in Missouri’s general direction*
Breana Greathouse and her mother weren’t the only ones wearing their Bad Idea Jeans this week. ADT thought a good advertisement for the security systems would be to take boxes that automatically pop up when not held flat and slide them under the front doors of apartment owners in Santiago, Chili. The boxes had a very small ADT logo on them along with the slogan “Breaking into your apartment is easier than you think” in small font. Because when a box appears inside your locked apartment, you immediately put your face right up to it to see if there’s any tiny writing. You don’t panic or crawl out a window or call a bomb squad.
Those Chilean homeowners may not have gotten robbed after all, but a Cabernet Sauvignon vineyard in France did. Thieves used a combine harvester and the light of a full moon to strip five acres of land of its 30 tonnes (29.5 tons) of grapes. Farmer Roland Cavaille had insurance, but it won’t cover theft of the entire crop. He’s out a year’s work and $20,667 (€15,000, £12,900) worth of grapes. Now here’s somebody who could justifiably be angry enough to drive three and a half hours to pull a gun on someone.
- Intriguing headline of the day: “French MEP Rachida Dati makes oral sex slip-up” (BBC)
- After more than a decade of abstinence-only federal sex education funding, the federal government is going to start funding programs offering counseling, birth control, financial literacy classes, homework tutoring, medical and dental care, art and music classes, science field trips, etc. in addition to abstinence education. The schools are calling it an “above the waist” approach, whereas French MEP Rachida Dati called it something I can’t repeat in these fine pages. (GalvestonDailyNews)
- A sailor nicknamed “Captain Calamity” by rescue workers has crashed his catamaran for the 13th time since 2003. Dude, if coastguards are so used to rescuing you that they give you a nickname, sailing probably isn’t your thing. (Newslite, with video)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Did you know approximately 28,258 internet users are watching porn right now and infographics love to cite arbitrary numbers of questionable veracity? Now you know! (VizWorld)
- This infographic predicts what the internet will be like ten years from now. Click this in 10 years and laugh about how quaint and porn free they made it. Did I say “click this”? I meant have your thought-automated sex robot click it for you. Where we’re going, we don’t need arms. (Intac)
- Should taxpayers get a line item receipt? Here’s what one of those might look like. Hey, I don’t see a line item for our Strategic Lobster Dog Reserve on there anywhere. What good are you, government? (GOOD)