Will You Finally Pay For Porn?

Things are bad for the porn world, my friends. I’m not going to mince words or tell you any cutesy stories here. Nope, for once this news is all business, buster. And it’s the business that’s very close to my heart – the porn business. Well it seems these are troubled days for our XXX friends, as Internet piracy is destroying the very stained fabric that they’ve built this great American empire upon. But the studio bigwigs have had enough of our free-viewing days and they’re going to fight back against us all, one sticky mouse at a time.

The company Pink Visual organized a top secret rendezvous involving some of the biggest unnamed names in the porn business, as well as some heavy-hitting attorneys looking to make a buck and crush a bug or two while they’re at it. These unknown power tops have made it a goal to completely crush online porn piracy by 2012, while also creating new revenue sources that help alleviate the pain that us fans will suffer when we can’t stream for free on our favorite sites like… haha, just kidding, Uproxx overlords. The good news is that all of the porn execs and even the lawyers agreed that they will not target the individual consumer, only the sites. You know, I’m not really sure how I feel about this.

But I suppose it could be worse. I could be dealing with banishment like poor Libby Ashby in Australia. Libby’s church congregation told the aspiring actress to take a hike when they found out that she took a gig in a commercial for erectile dysfunction. Her fellow church mates claim that they don’t mind that she’s promoting something as sanctified as sexual intercourse, but they have a problem with the poor taste they claim she’s portraying. Libby knows it was, too, but she claims that she needed the money. Don’t we all, Libby? Don’t we all. *looks at cover of In The Gravy Navy DVD, sighs*

Finally, it’s one thing to be a fan of porn, but it’s a completely different thing to walk around with porn on your body. A 21-year old man in Ipswich, Australia (Great job this week, ‘mates!) was arrested and charged after he gave another man a tattoo of a 16-inch penis. The victim wanted a tattoo of a yin yang with two dragons, which tells me everything I need to know without saying a word. But what really has me scratching my head about the amateur tattoo artist is… where’d he get my photo?

LINKS

Porn execs have top secret meeting at resort to kill Internet piracy. Change the sheets. (Ars Technica)
Woman booted from church for appearing in erectile dysfunction commercial. [With Video] (Courier Mail)
Amateur tattooist just thinks you should trust his talents. (FOX News)

MORE NEWS

A doctor proves that a lower libido in women might mean that their brains are a little off. So what you’re trying to tell me is that all those girls who would never sleep with me in college had psychological problems? I KNEW IT! (News.com.au)
European TV personality Christine Bleakley is fighting back against Internet pervs who Photoshopped some fake sexual pictures of her with her co-host. If there’s one easy battle in this world, it’s getting people on the Internet to not Photoshop attractive women. So good luck, Christine! (Belfast Telegraph)

KNOW YOUR STATS

Despite having one of the lowest Internet availability in the world, India ranks 4th worldwide in Internet movie piracy. The U.S. is first, with England and Canada rounding out the Top 3… Really Canada? I expected better from you. (India Business Blog)
Because of the more than 1,000 “Tube” sites on the Internet readily streaming free pornographic videos, the adult film industry reported losses of more than 20% on DVD sales last year. Still thriving? Burnsy’s Naughty Puppet Hour. (Havoc Scope)