As you read this, Americans are participating in their sacred duty. We refer, of course, to celebrating the World Series and watching football. Oh, and about a quarter of us will actually go outside, find whatever school or church is renting out space to voting booths this year, and actually pick out the people who will spend our money and set political policy for the next two to six years. But voting is boring! Let’s conjecture about the results, and waste bandwidth pointlessly conjecturing about what the next election cycle will be like!
First up, the actual election. The whole House and a decent chunk of the Senate are up for grabs, and according to pollsters, Republicans will probably wind up taking the House, but not the Senate, largely thanks to candidates like Christine O’Donnell, who the far right loves without realizing they scare the living bejesus out of just about everyone else. The general agreement is that this will be a good election cycle for the Republicans, who have been following the difficult, complicated strategy of pointing at Obama and saying that they’ll stop him from engaging in such shameless oppressive socialist policies as…uh…supporting Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and letting people carry guns in national parks.
To actually offer some sincere content, this author thinks the GOP has a harder fight on their hands than they actually realize. The Democrats aren’t wusses about getting out the vote, either, and despite any reports of an enthusiasm gap, when you read about, say, a Rand Paul official stomping a girl in the face for trying to give him a stupid flyer, you’ve got to wonder what will actually happen in the voting booths of America. Plus, even if they do win, they still have a bunch of problems, not least the fact that if they control a chamber of the House, they’ll actually have to lead, and the big story for 2012 is how all the different Presidential wannabes are trying to sabotage Palin’s inevitable 2012 run, meaning they have to lead and somehow present a unified front. Which is going to be as likely to happen as a Beatles comeback tour.
No, we’re not kidding about Palin. And let’s be honest; they’ve got reason to be worried.
Seriously, look at Palin; she’s a media darling whose daughter is on a reality show and gets exposure mostly because she has a minority in love with her. It’s like Act I of every single terrible “satire” of political pundits gaining actual power came to life. Fortunately, nobody thinks Palin can win. They just think she’ll get waxed like a Brazilian if she tries to go out and appeal to voters with her message of sheer pants-crapping terror. For Palin’s part, she says she won’t run if she sees a candidate entering the race who is “sufficiently” conservative, which is hilariously transparent because Rick Santorum, yes, the guy who compared being gay to humping dogs, has formed an exploratory committee. And if he’s not conservative enough for Palin…who is?
Then again, the far right loves her. It’s just not even most Republicans actually think she’s qualified for any job other than Fox News, according to polls; but apparently, that’s enough to win the nomination. It’s like Howard Beale from “Network” is running for political office, except without the suicide, or ability to rouse any sort of rabble.
On the other hand, if she loses, that means we have to face the equally terrifying prospect of President Mitt Romney. Trust this Massachusetts resident; that’s not much of an improvement.
- In what seems to be a World Series tradition lately, the San Francisco Giants, Series-free since 1954, beat the Texas Rangers for the first win in San Francisco, ever. Texans barely notice, as it’s football season. Hey, Orioles! You’re up! (LA Times)
- Oh, wait, the news is bleak there, too; the Colts are whipping the Texans. OK, fine, it’s not like that’s hard, but still. (Football News Now)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- The San Francisco giants had gone 53 years without a World Series win. Which is nothing if you’re a Sox fan, but at least it’s a respectable amount of time. (MLB.com)
- The last time the Republicans were prepped to win 50+ seats and a few Senate seats, it was 1994. Two years after a Democrat had swept into power, there was a huge battle over healthcare, a big stink over gays in the military…hey, wait a minute! Are both sides just repeating 1994′s script? Is Eric Cantor going to throw a hissy over his seat on Air Force One next? (USA Today)
I want more like this!
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