We’ve got excessively tight Speedoes on dudes from Singapore, and why they’re embarrassing said country, because caning people in public wasn’t embarrassing enough! Also, why does Warner Brothers want a copyright on panties with Quidditch written on them? Here’s your vaguely creepy update on underpants, courtesy of Uproxx News.
First up, we’ve got the pride of Singapore’s special ed department, if that ridiculous hat was any indication; the men’s water polo team and their ridiculous Speedos.
You’d think that the controversy is that grown men have been forced to wear ridiculous underpants, but actually it’s the fact that they are A) excruciatingly skimpy and B) the white crescent of the Singaporean flag is directly over their bulging man-parts. They’ve been described as “disgusting” and “nauseating” by people who clearly have never been to a Lemon Party (do not Google that, we warned you). Normally they’d just change into something more dignified, but apparently water polo is serious business, and the team doing the swimsuit approving won’t let them change into something more modest, such as jean shorts. They’re wearing the flag over their dongs until the games are over.
Probably the best part? They’re competing for fifth place.
Meanwhile, Warner Brothers has apparently copyrighted almost everything about Quidditch. Quidditch, you might remember, is a fictional sport from the Harry Potter universe. But being fictional has never slowed down nerds, whether it’s using Klingon in everyday life or turning a sport that can never actually happen in real life into a colossally goofy sport that makes you look like an enormous dork. So now the huge nerds actually playing competitive Quidditch and the enormous conglomerate that has the term copyrighted are facing possible arguments.
Part of the issue is that Warner Brothers has copyrighted pretty much anything that could conceivably have “Quidditch” slapped on it, ranging from toys to masks to paper goods to, yes, lingerie. This last stands out because A) only people who play real-life Quidditch would ever buy Quidditch themed undergarments and B) these are not people who will ever show their undergarments to anybody.
Apparently we will not see Quidditch panties, as Warner Brothers isn’t a fan of Harry Potter condoms. Still, the fact that they even thought of it is…mildly troubling. Although we really want to be the guy that gets paid to think of how to turn various franchises into underwear. Coming soon: “Lethal Weapon ‘I’m Too Old For This $#!t’ Adult Undergarments!” “Joker Jockstraps: You’ll Know How He Got Those Scars!” “Dirty Harry Distressed Shorts!” Man, the possibilities are endless!
- Enough about groins, let’s talk about busts for a while. Specifically, the bust of Anastasia, a 20-year-old German woman who took almost $6,000 from her then-boyfriend to get breast implants. Then, surprise, they broke up, and now he wants his money back or else he’s apparently going to send some people after her to repossess her breasts. Which we’re not actually sure is legal, but on the other hand, this is Germany we’re talking about. Those people really are kinda nasty. (Reuters)
- And in Chicago, a plastic surgeon is suing three of his former patients after they decided, when faced with potentially very serious damage to their bodies after a breast implant procedure, not to resort to malpractice lawsuits or other legal recourse, but rather to gripe about him on Yelp! Because Yelping that a surgeon was terrible is really the best possible recourse! He’s taking them to court for $100,000 apiece, but at least he doesn’t want the implants back. (UPI)
KNOW YOUR STATS
- Your average American breast size? 36C, thanks to all those boob jobs. Seriously! (Breast Notes)
- The number one swimwear manufacturer in the world? Speedo. So that’s why visits to the beach have been incredibly uncomfortable for decades. It also makes Googling for pictures of women in Speedo suits uncomfortable, because guess what we never wanted to learn was actually a fetish! This is what we suffer for for you people. Be grateful. Grateful, you jackals!(Newsweek)
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