Who Hates Apple This Week?

Who has just realized that Apple is a business, not a magic kingdom of computer fairies this week?  And why does Facebook think we want to use their messaging system, at all, for any reason, because come on, guys, that system sucks?  Follow us as we explore the fall of empires, here on Uproxx News.

First up, the latest person to say that, hey, maybe Apple actually likes to make money instead of being all nice and cuddly is Columbia law professor Tim Wu.  Wu happens to be an incredibly smart individual who has a far reaching vision of the Internet (he invented the term “net neutrality”).  So we’re kind of wondering why he just now woke up to the fact that Steve Jobs is an utter control freak.

Wu, in an interview with the New York Times, says that he thinks Jobs may be the “next great information emperor”, comparing him to AT&T, because Apple is totally in the same space as the freaking phone company.

Yes, it’s true, Steve Jobs is an insane control freak, and Apple would very much like to have total control over everything.  But A) that’s never going to happen and B) it’s not like Apple hides this or anything.  Seriously, it kind of boggles us that it seems like every other week, some otherwise highly intelligent person wakes up and realizes “Holy crap!  Apple’s got a closed-system philosophy!”  You know, the kind of philosophy they’ve had, barring the unfortunate Mac Clone Saga, for the entire life of the company.  It’s not Apple’s fault that you’re not paying attention, guys.  You’d think nerds of all people would know the inherent cruelty behind beauty.

Hey, speaking of online companies that people are starting to realize really are only in it for the money, Facebook saw Google’s botch of a Buzz launch and decided, “Hey, we can do that, only worse!”  Thus, Facebook’s revelation of a revamp to their messaging system, which probably had the proprietary name “Hot Mess.”

Here’s the problem; Facebook, as usual, acts as a huge information suck, but the idea now is that instead of just having messages traded back and forth in your inbox despite the conversations in question really needed to be held over email, it will have everything you ever say to this person in one place, that place being Facebook.

You know, the place where, if somebody includes you on a message, it acts just like the BCC list from hell, except you can’t block any of the email addresses, and you can’t dump them in a spam folder.  Seriously, anybody who has been the victim of a blanket Facebook message just immediately vomited in terror and clutched GMail tightly to make the bad man go away.

Oh, yeah, this isn’t going to be a hash.  This won’t be a hash at all.  Users will just love having every single email, Tweet, text messages and IMs of their friends not located in a few places, but all rammed under one filing cabinet, right where anybody can look at it.  Because when I’m looking for my friend’s address that he sent to me, I really want to scroll through that conversation where we quoted “Super Troopers” for a solid hour, the link we dumped on each other’s wall featuring obscene Brazilian fetish porn, and the drunken conversations we had about our exes.  That’s totally what everyone wants to do.

But first I’ve got to delete this five-thousand message thread from some guy I met twice who moved to Chicago and is throwing a party I wouldn’t attend even if it weren’t a thousand miles away.  Gee, I can’t wait to do this every day.  Awesome job, Facebook, A+!